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For me: 0-22 - I’m someone else’s responsibility - graduated college degree in CS 22-36 - shuffled aimlessly between two meaningless jobs, a horrible mistake

For me: 0-22 - I’m someone else’s responsibility - graduated college degree in CS 22-36 - shuffled aimlessly between two meaningless jobs, a horrible mistake of a marriage (and divorce), got into real estate too heavily and the crash of 2008, taught fitness classes on the side as my only outlet. 36-46 - got remarried and became an instant father to a 9 and 14, rebuilt my career from scratch and hopped between 5 jobs, got my finances under control after walking away from 5 mortgages, built a strong marriage and both (step)sons graduated. “Retired my wife” when she was 44. 46 - present - transitioned into consulting, got first and only job at BigTech, (working remotely cloud consulting department), moved permanently into what was a vacation home in Florida, and start traveling extensively post Covid including doing the digital nomad thing. Left BigTech and enjoying a nice balanced life with my wife while I work remotely and she enjoys her passion projects.

VoidWhisperer 2y ago
What does 'retired my wife' mean in this context?
- asdf6969 2y ago
  She’s unemployed and he pays for her lifestyle
  - scarface_74 2y ago
    The official definition of “unemployed” is you are out of work and looking for a job. Honestly, though her spending money was a matter of selling 2 shares of AMZN pre split every six months when I was getting RSUs. We cut our fixed expenses dramatically after Covid and our younger son graduated, downsizing and moving to a state tax free state.
    - joseda-hg 2y ago
      "not engaged in a gainful occupation"[1] "not having a job that provides money"[2] Maybe not official as in dictionary definition, but official as in political / statistical lingo? [1] Kagi's response provided by WordsAPI, I'm not sure if linking a technically paywalled would be the reasonable thing https://kagi.com/search?q=unemployed+meaning https://kagi.com/search?q=unemployed+meaning [2] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/unemployed https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/unemploy...
      - scarface_74 2y ago
        You are not considered “unemployed” by the government if you are not actively seeking work. The official definition as far as the BLS. http://www.mississippi.edu/urc/downloads/econ101-01_151118.pdf http://www.mississippi.edu/urc/downloads/econ101-01_151118.p... > Finally, other individuals who are not working or seeking work for pay or profit are not included in the labor force. > BLS considers the unemployed as those individuals without a job who have looked for one in the past four weeks and are available to work. Looking for work involves an individual taking some action to obtain a job, such as completing an application, sending out a resume,contacting an employment center, etc. Individuals who have been temporarily laid off are considered unemployed regardless if they have looked for work in the last four week
        ok_dad 2y ago
        The government’s definition is designed to make things look nice, not gauge the actual level of unemployment. If you’re not looking for work because you gave up trying, you’re not counted even though you’re unemployed. Retired or disabled is a different thing, and being a home maker and taking care of kids should be counted in the numbers as employment, otherwise everyone should be under unemployed.
        scarface_74 2y ago
        This has been the standard definition of unemployed and being part of the labor force forever. This is the same definition the UK uses https://www.ons.gov.uk/file?uri=/employmentandlabourmarket/peoplenotinwork/outofworkbenefits/methodologies/claimantcount/unemploymentandtheclaimantcounttcm77327614tcm77387938.pdf https://www.ons.gov.uk/file?uri=/employmentandlabourmarket/p... Australia https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/detailed-methodology-information/concepts-sources-methods/labour-statistics-concepts-sources-and-methods/2021/concepts-and-sources/unemployment#:~:text=Unemployed%20people%20are%20defined%20as,employment%20given%20a%20job%20opportunity https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/detailed-methodology-infor.... And the international OECD https://www.oecd.org/en/data/indicators/unemployment-rate.html https://www.oecd.org/en/data/indicators/unemployment-rate.ht... I couldn’t find a single English speaking country that didn’t use the same definition. The percentage of people who are working/total adult population or a subset is the labor participation rate.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
- scarface_74 2y ago
  I made enough so she doesn’t have to work anymore. Before Covid, she was a special needs bus driver. I didn’t want her on the bus after Covid for both her health and mine. By the time Covid lifted, we had decided to fly around the country taking one way trips and she was deeply into her passion projects. We got rid of everything we owned that wouldn’t fit into 4 suitcases. Our official home was our vacation home in (state tax free) Florida that was being rented out while we were traveling as a short term rental. The “state tax free” came in handy when I was getting RSUs/pro rated signing bonuses
  - PopAlongKid 2y ago
    > Our official home was our vacation home in (state tax free) Florida that was being rented out while we were traveling as a short term rental. States typically define residency as either based on domicile, or a statute. In other words, some of the states you "traveled" to undoubtedly have laws stating that if you are in the state for a certain number of days out of the year, you are automatically a resident, not a visitor, and liable for taxes on your world-wide income.
    - scarface_74 2y ago
      Besides Las Vegas where we ended up staying a month and a half and two cities in Texas where we were in Dallas and Houston 3 weeks each, we only stayed in one place for a maximum of 3 weeks. It just happens to be a moot point in Nevada and Texas since they were both state tax free states. When we do it again probably in summer 2027, those also happen to be the two states we will be spending the majority of our time. My wife knows a lot of people in both states
- pelagicAustral 2y ago
  She's been 'taken care of'...
interludead 2y ago
Out of curiosity, what do you think was the biggest turning point for you?
- scarface_74 2y ago
  The biggest turning point for the worse and for the better was not having a good stable home life. I am not saying you have to be in a relationship to have stability. Of course it’s better to be single than being involved in a bad relationship. Looking back, what really started things going bad was a lack of self confidence and wanting to be in a relationship. I was a short computer geek, kind of awkward. I got better. Now I’m very comfortable talking to anyone. It’s my $Dayjob. Ironically enough though, I had no trouble being in front of people at 28 and had been a part time fitness instructor for 3 years by then as hobby. I was in great shape. I met someone who was physically attractive and was interested in me after being friendzoned all of my adult life. I got married and I should have seen the signs. That led to everything else that happened for the next 6 years - staying at a job too long, getting too heavily invested in real estate trying to make more money, stagnating both technically and financially. Got divorced at 32. At 34, in 2008 around the time of the real estate crash, I just had to accept the fact that everything I had done up to that point was a waste and be comfortable starting over from scratch. I got ready to interview after being at my second job for over 9 years and did a vertical move to another job that would let me get some real world experience with an in demand language - C# and the startup was working with ruggedized mobile devices right when smart phones were taking off. I wasn’t trying to date anyone at that time and my now wife had to basically shove her number at me once we had been working together for over two years. She was in another department. I told her all of the shit I was going through at the time with my real estate and she was still interested. We both got laid off when the company went out of business and she got a job quickly that had benefits and I got a good paying contract without benefits. I proposed to her while I was working as a contractor with the plan for us to get married after I got a permanent job. She suggested we get married sooner so I could be on her benefits. That arrangement kept until 2020 when I was 46. It allowed me the freedom to jump back and forth between full time and contract jobs to build my resume. In 2020, as a direct result of me being able to aggressively job hop, a remote position at AWS (Professional Services) fell into my lap in 2020. The difference between what I was making pre-AWS and post AWS was 3x what she was making. But there is a direct line from her supporting my career to me being able to do that. I have no problem with my wife not working so she can pursue what she wants. It gives us a chance to travel like crazy and it’s not like my life is stressful once I left AWS.

VoidWhisperer 2y ago

What does 'retired my wife' mean in this context?

asdf6969 2y ago
She’s unemployed and he pays for her lifestyle
- scarface_74 2y ago
  The official definition of “unemployed” is you are out of work and looking for a job. Honestly, though her spending money was a matter of selling 2 shares of AMZN pre split every six months when I was getting RSUs. We cut our fixed expenses dramatically after Covid and our younger son graduated, downsizing and moving to a state tax free state.
  - joseda-hg 2y ago
    "not engaged in a gainful occupation"[1] "not having a job that provides money"[2] Maybe not official as in dictionary definition, but official as in political / statistical lingo? [1] Kagi's response provided by WordsAPI, I'm not sure if linking a technically paywalled would be the reasonable thing https://kagi.com/search?q=unemployed+meaning https://kagi.com/search?q=unemployed+meaning [2] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/unemployed https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/unemploy...
    - scarface_74 2y ago
      You are not considered “unemployed” by the government if you are not actively seeking work. The official definition as far as the BLS. http://www.mississippi.edu/urc/downloads/econ101-01_151118.pdf http://www.mississippi.edu/urc/downloads/econ101-01_151118.p... > Finally, other individuals who are not working or seeking work for pay or profit are not included in the labor force. > BLS considers the unemployed as those individuals without a job who have looked for one in the past four weeks and are available to work. Looking for work involves an individual taking some action to obtain a job, such as completing an application, sending out a resume,contacting an employment center, etc. Individuals who have been temporarily laid off are considered unemployed regardless if they have looked for work in the last four week
      - ok_dad 2y ago
        The government’s definition is designed to make things look nice, not gauge the actual level of unemployment. If you’re not looking for work because you gave up trying, you’re not counted even though you’re unemployed. Retired or disabled is a different thing, and being a home maker and taking care of kids should be counted in the numbers as employment, otherwise everyone should be under unemployed.
        scarface_74 2y ago
        This has been the standard definition of unemployed and being part of the labor force forever. This is the same definition the UK uses https://www.ons.gov.uk/file?uri=/employmentandlabourmarket/peoplenotinwork/outofworkbenefits/methodologies/claimantcount/unemploymentandtheclaimantcounttcm77327614tcm77387938.pdf https://www.ons.gov.uk/file?uri=/employmentandlabourmarket/p... Australia https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/detailed-methodology-information/concepts-sources-methods/labour-statistics-concepts-sources-and-methods/2021/concepts-and-sources/unemployment#:~:text=Unemployed%20people%20are%20defined%20as,employment%20given%20a%20job%20opportunity https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/detailed-methodology-infor.... And the international OECD https://www.oecd.org/en/data/indicators/unemployment-rate.html https://www.oecd.org/en/data/indicators/unemployment-rate.ht... I couldn’t find a single English speaking country that didn’t use the same definition. The percentage of people who are working/total adult population or a subset is the labor participation rate.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
scarface_74 2y ago
I made enough so she doesn’t have to work anymore. Before Covid, she was a special needs bus driver. I didn’t want her on the bus after Covid for both her health and mine. By the time Covid lifted, we had decided to fly around the country taking one way trips and she was deeply into her passion projects. We got rid of everything we owned that wouldn’t fit into 4 suitcases. Our official home was our vacation home in (state tax free) Florida that was being rented out while we were traveling as a short term rental. The “state tax free” came in handy when I was getting RSUs/pro rated signing bonuses
- PopAlongKid 2y ago
  > Our official home was our vacation home in (state tax free) Florida that was being rented out while we were traveling as a short term rental. States typically define residency as either based on domicile, or a statute. In other words, some of the states you "traveled" to undoubtedly have laws stating that if you are in the state for a certain number of days out of the year, you are automatically a resident, not a visitor, and liable for taxes on your world-wide income.
  - scarface_74 2y ago
    Besides Las Vegas where we ended up staying a month and a half and two cities in Texas where we were in Dallas and Houston 3 weeks each, we only stayed in one place for a maximum of 3 weeks. It just happens to be a moot point in Nevada and Texas since they were both state tax free states. When we do it again probably in summer 2027, those also happen to be the two states we will be spending the majority of our time. My wife knows a lot of people in both states
pelagicAustral 2y ago
She's been 'taken care of'...

interludead 2y ago

Out of curiosity, what do you think was the biggest turning point for you?

scarface_74 2y ago
The biggest turning point for the worse and for the better was not having a good stable home life. I am not saying you have to be in a relationship to have stability. Of course it’s better to be single than being involved in a bad relationship. Looking back, what really started things going bad was a lack of self confidence and wanting to be in a relationship. I was a short computer geek, kind of awkward. I got better. Now I’m very comfortable talking to anyone. It’s my $Dayjob. Ironically enough though, I had no trouble being in front of people at 28 and had been a part time fitness instructor for 3 years by then as hobby. I was in great shape. I met someone who was physically attractive and was interested in me after being friendzoned all of my adult life. I got married and I should have seen the signs. That led to everything else that happened for the next 6 years - staying at a job too long, getting too heavily invested in real estate trying to make more money, stagnating both technically and financially. Got divorced at 32. At 34, in 2008 around the time of the real estate crash, I just had to accept the fact that everything I had done up to that point was a waste and be comfortable starting over from scratch. I got ready to interview after being at my second job for over 9 years and did a vertical move to another job that would let me get some real world experience with an in demand language - C# and the startup was working with ruggedized mobile devices right when smart phones were taking off. I wasn’t trying to date anyone at that time and my now wife had to basically shove her number at me once we had been working together for over two years. She was in another department. I told her all of the shit I was going through at the time with my real estate and she was still interested. We both got laid off when the company went out of business and she got a job quickly that had benefits and I got a good paying contract without benefits. I proposed to her while I was working as a contractor with the plan for us to get married after I got a permanent job. She suggested we get married sooner so I could be on her benefits. That arrangement kept until 2020 when I was 46. It allowed me the freedom to jump back and forth between full time and contract jobs to build my resume. In 2020, as a direct result of me being able to aggressively job hop, a remote position at AWS (Professional Services) fell into my lap in 2020. The difference between what I was making pre-AWS and post AWS was 3x what she was making. But there is a direct line from her supporting my career to me being able to do that. I have no problem with my wife not working so she can pursue what she wants. It gives us a chance to travel like crazy and it’s not like my life is stressful once I left AWS.