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Unfortunately, I don't think we're going to ever be getting an ethical dating app. It may be ethical as far as not charging users to connect, or not trying to k

Unfortunately, I don't think we're going to ever be getting an ethical dating app. It may be ethical as far as not charging users to connect, or not trying to keep users constantly staying single so they are always using and checking the app. Without that "addiction" potential, I think even a completely open dating app would fail miserably. If people were able to connect and move on quickly, there would be little reason for the app-creators to continue developing. I say this as someone that has spent the last few years wading through various dating apps, looking for a monogamous relationship. The best luck I've had with dating (after using Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and Facebook Dating) has been finding local Facebook singles groups, and just chatting. I can be nervous and awkward, but I'm able to fake it in person, and online it's easy for me to have conversations with others about interests. Also, instead of trying to be a "normie" (although you didn't say you were doing this, so this may not apply), lean into what makes you unique and try to find the same or something compatible in someone else. Going through apps is not fun, but I have met a ton of different people that I don't think I ever would have interacted with if I hadn't gone through dating apps or chatting with strangers. To be clear, the language isn't "fun" for anyone that has dealt with any of the things they mention!

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
marci 2y ago
> If people were able to connect and move on quickly, there would be little reason for the app-creators to continue developing. If an open-source piece of tech is working as advertised, why would its devs continue working on a finished product?
- verdverm 2y ago
  Security, the world outside of the app is constantly changing, would not want a known exploit used to obtain access to my responses to a subset of the 2000+ questions i.e., software is never finished
johnnyanmac 2y ago
Ethical dating sites are possible and have existed. But they dfintiely can't exist in this current landscape. Like you said, an app who's goal is ultimately to stop people from using the app is not one that will get the funding needed to stand out from all the Match.com shell companies. > lean into what makes you unique and try to find the same or something compatible in someone else. This part is cultural though, and the fact is most people (regardless of gender) are not looking for "unique". Quite the contrary. I suppose that is a bit of why the "normie" nomenclature is not as far off as you first think.
derbOac 2y ago
I'm not sure what would constitute ethical versus not ethical exactly, but increasingly I've wondered if some governments will start supporting dating apps, if birthrates decline enough. Is that better than a private corporation app? Maybe or maybe not but it seems like it might change the "ethical issue landscape". Or maybe dating apps per se will fade away and dating functionality will just get folded into more general purpose apps and sites.
- internetter 2y ago
  I define ethical as an app that is designed to do its job as effectively as possible. That is to say, match the most compatible individuals without stupid retention games. The problem is, this isn’t a good business model. I would fully support a state funded dating app (so long as the dating app wasn’t actually controlled by the state because then it would just be weird)
  - lmm 2y ago
    The Tokyo government is trying. https://www.asahi.com/ajw/articles/15292637 https://www.asahi.com/ajw/articles/15292637
- netdevphoenix 2y ago
  I know this is a mostly software forum but the thought that you can successfully achieve long lasting romantic relationships with an app is so HN. A more economic policy would be to subsidise low-impact team sports that have lower fitness requirements than soccer or basketball.
- apeescape 2y ago
  I think Russians hinted at something like that being in the works over there. Might not be a bad idea for a rapidly aging country to do something like that.
andrewflnr 2y ago
> It may be ethical as far as not charging users to connect Actually, I think "charging users to connect" is the only way to make an ethical dating app. The key thing is, everyone pays the same amount, and gets the same abilities within the platform. No freemium, no free riders. Everyone helps keep the platform sustainable. You do still have to deal with the perverse incentive to keep people on the platform, but I have an even crazier idea for that: one-time single payment. Now the platform is incentivized to get people off the platform while still being satisfied enough to recommend it to incoming users. I suspect that could go badly in different ways, and might not be necessary if it's generally acting in the users' favor (possibly because of my craziest idea, having it be user-owned). I'm still thinking about it. That or someone needs to run it as a charity. I'm not sure if that's more or less crazyb than the previous ideas.
- petre 2y ago
  It could be run by the government, since they're the ones who need to worry about demographic decline.
  - andrewflnr 2y ago
    Oh yeah, dating.gov will really bring in the singles.
    - Asraelite 2y ago
      The government is allowed to hire a marketing team.
    - tveita 2y ago
      fertilize.us
      - defrost 2y ago
        Back in the day if you really wanted to hook up there were the Bachelors and Spinsters Inseminators Balls. The burning cars and ferals weren't for everyone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH_RWBSQ9ic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH_RWBSQ9ic

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

marci 2y ago

> If people were able to connect and move on quickly, there would be little reason for the app-creators to continue developing. If an open-source piece of tech is working as advertised, why would its devs continue working on a finished product?

verdverm 2y ago
Security, the world outside of the app is constantly changing, would not want a known exploit used to obtain access to my responses to a subset of the 2000+ questions i.e., software is never finished

johnnyanmac 2y ago

Ethical dating sites are possible and have existed. But they dfintiely can't exist in this current landscape. Like you said, an app who's goal is ultimately to stop people from using the app is not one that will get the funding needed to stand out from all the Match.com shell companies. > lean into what makes you unique and try to find the same or something compatible in someone else. This part is cultural though, and the fact is most people (regardless of gender) are not looking for "unique". Quite the contrary. I suppose that is a bit of why the "normie" nomenclature is not as far off as you first think.

derbOac 2y ago

I'm not sure what would constitute ethical versus not ethical exactly, but increasingly I've wondered if some governments will start supporting dating apps, if birthrates decline enough. Is that better than a private corporation app? Maybe or maybe not but it seems like it might change the "ethical issue landscape". Or maybe dating apps per se will fade away and dating functionality will just get folded into more general purpose apps and sites.

internetter 2y ago
I define ethical as an app that is designed to do its job as effectively as possible. That is to say, match the most compatible individuals without stupid retention games. The problem is, this isn’t a good business model. I would fully support a state funded dating app (so long as the dating app wasn’t actually controlled by the state because then it would just be weird)
- lmm 2y ago
  The Tokyo government is trying. https://www.asahi.com/ajw/articles/15292637 https://www.asahi.com/ajw/articles/15292637
netdevphoenix 2y ago
I know this is a mostly software forum but the thought that you can successfully achieve long lasting romantic relationships with an app is so HN. A more economic policy would be to subsidise low-impact team sports that have lower fitness requirements than soccer or basketball.
apeescape 2y ago
I think Russians hinted at something like that being in the works over there. Might not be a bad idea for a rapidly aging country to do something like that.

andrewflnr 2y ago

> It may be ethical as far as not charging users to connect Actually, I think "charging users to connect" is the only way to make an ethical dating app. The key thing is, everyone pays the same amount, and gets the same abilities within the platform. No freemium, no free riders. Everyone helps keep the platform sustainable. You do still have to deal with the perverse incentive to keep people on the platform, but I have an even crazier idea for that: one-time single payment. Now the platform is incentivized to get people off the platform while still being satisfied enough to recommend it to incoming users. I suspect that could go badly in different ways, and might not be necessary if it's generally acting in the users' favor (possibly because of my craziest idea, having it be user-owned). I'm still thinking about it. That or someone needs to run it as a charity. I'm not sure if that's more or less crazyb than the previous ideas.

petre 2y ago
It could be run by the government, since they're the ones who need to worry about demographic decline.
- andrewflnr 2y ago
  Oh yeah, dating.gov will really bring in the singles.
  - Asraelite 2y ago
    The government is allowed to hire a marketing team.
  - tveita 2y ago
    fertilize.us
    - defrost 2y ago
      Back in the day if you really wanted to hook up there were the Bachelors and Spinsters Inseminators Balls. The burning cars and ferals weren't for everyone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH_RWBSQ9ic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH_RWBSQ9ic