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Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's always right for family's to choose not to share details, and I don't think it's ever appropriate for people to bug them fo

Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's always right for family's to choose not to share details, and I don't think it's ever appropriate for people to bug them for details. I think what I wonder a little bit more about is why it's seen as inappropriate for people to just wonder what happened, even though I feel that's a natural human response, especially if they knew the person in some way (as long as that wondering doesn't move into boundary crossing).

neom 2y ago
I don't think it's the wondering people are turned off by, it's the wondering out loud. I'd imagine everybody wonders. I have no opinion, but people (around the globe) seem to feel strongly about this.
PittleyDunkin 2y ago
It's generally considered rude to gawk at other peoples' suffering, even if it is a normal and empathizable reaction. I think this gets even more acute the closer to the suffering the action gets. I doubt many people would be surprised that people are curious about what happened, though. (FWIW I perceived your comment as "natural curiousity" moreso than gawking, thanks to your respectful hedging.)
n2d4 2y ago
It's an awkward position to be in for the family of the deceased. They're already going through enough by griefing; if they'd rather not share, but are still constantly pestered about it by strangers, it's certainly not helping.
maginx 2y ago
I think it’s very human to be curious about the cause, but it can also be inappropriate, though some ways are more harmful than others. I've seen people ask very direct questions where it seemed their real interest was to assess whether the cause posed a risk to themselves or was something they could avoid. While this reaction is natural, it is also prioritizing personal concerns over the needs of those grieving, who don't have the possibility of changing the circumstances. Furthermore, such questions can sometimes come across—or even be—blameful. For instance, asking 'What cancer did they die of?', 'Were they a smoker?', 'Were they obese?', or 'Did they work with chemicals?' might suggest judgment or responsibility, even if that’s not the intent. And as mentioned, sometimes it actually IS the intent (trying to find a way the person caused this on themselves), even if the person asking tries to cloak this, perhaps also to themselves. This can add unnecessary pain to those grieving.
benatkin 2y ago
> I feel that's a natural human response I think not wanting to know unless the information is volunteered is also a natural human response. I admit I wondered as well but I also know that most answers would be incomplete. So instead I watched a video of his. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPkJGU7Itb0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPkJGU7Itb0

neom 2y ago

I don't think it's the wondering people are turned off by, it's the wondering out loud. I'd imagine everybody wonders. I have no opinion, but people (around the globe) seem to feel strongly about this.

PittleyDunkin 2y ago

It's generally considered rude to gawk at other peoples' suffering, even if it is a normal and empathizable reaction. I think this gets even more acute the closer to the suffering the action gets. I doubt many people would be surprised that people are curious about what happened, though. (FWIW I perceived your comment as "natural curiousity" moreso than gawking, thanks to your respectful hedging.)

n2d4 2y ago

It's an awkward position to be in for the family of the deceased. They're already going through enough by griefing; if they'd rather not share, but are still constantly pestered about it by strangers, it's certainly not helping.

maginx 2y ago

I think it’s very human to be curious about the cause, but it can also be inappropriate, though some ways are more harmful than others. I've seen people ask very direct questions where it seemed their real interest was to assess whether the cause posed a risk to themselves or was something they could avoid. While this reaction is natural, it is also prioritizing personal concerns over the needs of those grieving, who don't have the possibility of changing the circumstances. Furthermore, such questions can sometimes come across—or even be—blameful. For instance, asking 'What cancer did they die of?', 'Were they a smoker?', 'Were they obese?', or 'Did they work with chemicals?' might suggest judgment or responsibility, even if that’s not the intent. And as mentioned, sometimes it actually IS the intent (trying to find a way the person caused this on themselves), even if the person asking tries to cloak this, perhaps also to themselves. This can add unnecessary pain to those grieving.

benatkin 2y ago

> I feel that's a natural human response I think not wanting to know unless the information is volunteered is also a natural human response. I admit I wondered as well but I also know that most answers would be incomplete. So instead I watched a video of his. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPkJGU7Itb0 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPkJGU7Itb0