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See this is why people need to get married. If I have no idea what to do, my wife will surely think of something.
by imgabe 2y ago
See this is why people need to get married. If I have no idea what to do, my wife will surely think of something.
- throwway120385 2y agoChildren are pretty good at providing you with purpose too if you lose yours.
- codegeek 2y agoSO true. I am having a midlife sort of crisis myself (lost as a founder a bit) but my kids keep me going with a purpose. When you have kids, you don't have the luxury of not doing anything.
- tayo42 2y agopyramid scheme of having a purpose
- philosopher1234 2y agoThat’s humanity for you
- programmertote 2y agoA unique (and IMO, correct) way to put it. I personally don't want to have a kid of my own blood. But I want to adopt one or two and maybe foster a few IF I become financially capable, which is probably a decade or so away. I do believe that having a kid of your own in this day and age (esp. when you are working day job and depending on that job for healthcare, housing, etc.) is unfair for the kid who will join you in your life. Sure you'll love him/her, but the reality is the kid will have to grind (again, assuming that you are not a multi-millionaire) when s/he reaches certain age. The best use of our resources, when we accumulate a good amount of wealth to sustain ourselves and have a bit more extra to spare, is to adopt/foster or do something philanthropic entirely (so many homeless, sick, hungry people that you can help).
- RonaldDump 2y ago>don't want to have a kid of my own blood. But I want to adopt Can you elaborate? This is totally alien to me. It basically defeats the point. There must be some monstrous self-loathing involved?
- vermilingua 2y agoIt’s not necessarily self-loathing to accept that you have genes you don’t want to pass on, but still want to have a child.
- lazyasciiart 2y ago"The point" for me would not be spreading my genes. It would be to spread my parenting and resources. Possibly an easier idea for me because several of my many siblings already have multiple children that could be swapped in to my childhood photos without anyone noticing. My genes are pretty well established.
- candidafighter2 2y ago[flagged]
- GaylordTuring 2y agoWhat point does it defeat and why? I’m assuming that you’re talking about evolution here, where having your own kids rather than taking care of someone else’s have been adaptive, but that’s just like saying that the point of a large rock on a beach is to be so large as to not be swept into sea by the waves. If you meant something else, please clarify!
- Lionga 2y agoNo understanding it to me points out a monstrous narcissistic complex in you. While I can understand not wanting to have a kid of your own blood very easy for many different reasons
- elevatedastalt 2y agoNo, the act of raising a kid itself gives people purpose, so it's not a pyramid scheme by any means, but let's not let facts come in the way of a zinger of a one-liner I guess?
- tayo42 2y agoWhat do your kids do then when they start looking for their purpose in life? Have more kids? Lol Your coming in aggressive though
- elevatedastalt 2y agoThey will be independent humans who can choose the find it the way they want, including by having kids of their own if that works for them.
- jascha_eng 2y agoNGL, still sounds like a pyramid scheme to me. I mean I like kids and I might have kids in the future. But I'd rather have purpose and joy and share that with future generations and keep it alive. I wanna be proud of humanity and what we are accomplishing and progressing into, not fix my own misery by bringing someone else into a world to distract me from existential dread.
- nice_byte 2y agoit is, just like everything else, a manufactured purpose used to paper over the normal state of existential dread. just happens to be the one that most people default on.
- khazhoux 2y agoIt was a humor-joke.
- keybored 2y agoIt is perhaps a pyramid scheme if you look at it in a certain way. Which doesn’t mean it is bad (unless you are anti-natalist). It’s just funny that it can be conceptualized like that. You spend 20–40 years trying various things, living for yourself, finding nothing that sticks. Apparently being an idiot, but you’re just inexperienced. There’s some hole in your life. Then you have kids. Aha! It makes sense. Living for others! This is it! The irony being that now those people-you-live-for have to go through the same process, where 1/3 to half their life they spend in that apparently meaningless phase where they haven’t found their purpose yet. This is totally void if you are the kind of person who cruised by and was happy without children but then the transition to having children made total sense as well.
- nice_byte 2y agoyou're getting downvoted, but know that you are correct.
- khazhoux 2y agoIt was only when I had kids that I understood what this means. My children are not "my purpose." I mean, that would be a lovely sentiment, but it's not the actual truth. But having kids (and being a hopefully-good father), means that no matter what else sucks at work, all the projects that didn't land, my boss's daily kicks to the crotch, and every multi-million job opportunity I stupidly turned down... I did right with those kids. If I had made any different choice in life --no matter how tiny-- those wonderful kids would not exist. And that satisfies my sense of Purpose.
- aidenn0 2y agoYMMV; this is not universally true.
- throwway120385 2y agoIn my experience, nothing is universally true.
- aidenn0 2y agoJudging by the number of single-parents in the US, it's very far from universally true.
- mattlondon 2y agoThere is "Purpose" and "purpose". One is some grandiose ill-defined thing. The other is housework. I am certainly in the housework side right now with two kids under 5. I am a dad, but I still derive quite a lot of identity from what I do for work. If anything, now that I am meeting more parents from nursery & school etc it feels it is almost more important for me now to be able to implicitly assert status through my work/wealth/house-in-desireable-location/car/etc than it was before kids. I assumed those sort of feelings would dissolve with kids ("Purpose") but if anything the kids have magnified them. Potentially I am just a shallow prick, but I wonder if it is a "provider instinct" thing or perhaps just mini dopamine hits from feeling like I've got something desirable and meeting these other parents just reasserts that over and over.
- el_benhameen 2y ago“Two kids under five” is a tough stage, though (I can’t believe I’ve reached the point where I can say that retrospectively). Things come into focus a little more once your longest conversations with them aren’t about why they actually do need to wear shoes to school. You get hit with those moments where you realize the long term impact you’re having on their personalities and worldviews, and what an awesome responsibility that is. Not totally unlike—and I get that this is peak hn, but since we’re talking work—building something and then seeing it run in the real world and having to live with your design decisions over the long term, etc etc etc.
- jdsleppy 2y agoThank you for this, I'm glad to hear you acknowledge that having kids isn't a constant philosophical bliss. I have two under 5 as well and don't relate to the dozens of comments gushing about their kids, wanting to spend more time with them. A few hours a day with my 4 year old is plenty (and most days, too much).
- vhiremath4 2y agoThis gave me a good laugh. Thanks for that :)
- blitzar 2y agoYou can start by taking out the trash, and if you are going to sit on your arse all day tomorrow then here is a list of stuff that needs doing around the house.
- aprdm 2y agoLol isn’t that the truth, or my son !