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Ever since I stopped doing this I’ve been much happier. Now that I’m old I don’t feel pressure to conform to social norms, I just do whatever I want. If that me

Ever since I stopped doing this I’ve been much happier. Now that I’m old I don’t feel pressure to conform to social norms, I just do whatever I want. If that means I don’t see anyone else for weeks who cares. In my youth I felt so much pressure to be social and it’s just not what I want to be doing.

onemoresoop 2y ago
Pressure to be social is like pressure to stay fit. If you don’t put any effort it atrophies.
- dyauspitr 2y ago
  If you have a family already what’s the payoff though. I never get any great feelings from social visits, I just do it to be an upstanding member of society and so my daughter has friends.
  - semireg 2y ago
    It might be nice to have a social safety net when you age and your children leave you.
    - dgfitz 2y ago
      Why? What would be nice about it?
      - lupire 2y ago
        Not being alone.
        zeroonetwothree 2y ago
        But what if I don't mind being alone? Or even prefer it?
    - dyauspitr 2y ago
      Wife should still be around.
      - Gigachad 2y ago
        That’s not guaranteed.
        dyauspitr 2y ago
        It’s not but very likely atleast in my case.
- bawolff 2y ago
  if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun. Staying fit by doing something you enjoy (hiking, sports with friends, whatever) you are probably going to have more fun, and stick with it. If you only socialize with people you don't like because you are "forced"/"pressured" to, you aren't going to have a good time. Socializing is supposed to be fun, if you turn it into a job you hate, you aren't going to get the benefits of being social
  - Barrin92 2y ago
    >if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun Not everything in life is about "having fun". Pushing yourself beyond your own comfort zone, or being pushed, is by definition not going to be enjoyable in some superficial sense, but it's the only way you'll ever actually engage with anything new or unfamiliar and grow. Nobody who is grossly out of shape enjoys showing up at the gym the first time, but even though they don't enjoy it, it will benefit them all the same and eventually they may very well come to like it. It's the same with education, decades of trying to make education "fun" have resulted in large amounts of people being unable to absorb anything that isn't in some trivial sense gratifying.
    - kstrauser 2y ago
      And further, you never know if you'll like something until you try it. That's kind of universally true. The idea of going to a gym isn't appealing at all if you describe it objectively: you're going to go to a large room filled with heavy hunks of metal and sweating strangers. You're going to lift them up and down until you can't do it anymore. Then you'll drive home. That's not exactly appealing. And yet, despite everything, I love the way I feel when I'm working out. It's perfectly A-OK not to like going to social outings with others. But until you've tried it, you don't actually know whether you like it or not.
    - bawolff 2y ago
      > Not everything in life is about "having fun". Of course not. However i would put recreational activities squarely in the "having fun" category.
- zeroonetwothree 2y ago
  Unlike being fit, being social doesn't have any inherent benefit in terms of health. It's merely a preference.
  - bawolff 2y ago
    That's probably not true. Lonliness is linked to both physical and mental health issues. However being social and not being lonely is not the same thing.
    - Izkata 2y ago
      Loneliness and being alone aren't the same thing either.
  - cdrini 2y ago
    That's not quite true, social isolation has been shown to be correlated with an increased risk of dementia and cognitive impairment in older age. And I reckon there are other studies that show correlations with other health outcomes.
    - swat535 2y ago
      I suppose it depends on the person but the older I get, the less patience I have for people and the more I rather focus on myself, hobbies and quiet time. I don’t have time for fake social gatherings or pretending like parent does. If I meet someone genuine I will engage with them, otherwise I much rather to keep to my own devices..
      - ethbr1 2y ago
        I'd hazard that's exactly why it's inportant: mental exposure to uncomfortable and novel situations.
      - cdrini 2y ago
        As a thought experiment, jumping back to the parallel with fitness, is your statement the same as saying "I suppose it depends on the person, but the older I get, the less patience I have for eating healthy and exercising, and the more I'd rather focus on eating food I like and spending time on my sedentary hobbies."? As in, it's 100% your choice to live your life that way, but you also have to accept that there are health repercussions associated with certain life styles. Side note: I'm not sure what you mean by a "fake" social gathering. But for me, I've been taking part in a debate society, and some French meetups lately to socialise more, and I've loved it. Everyone is genuine in that they're there for a specific shared interest. And I've found that my thoughts/ideas are greatly improved from the ability to debate with others. Sometimes I'll realise I have a huge blind spot, and need to reject an idea. Sometimes I'll realise my idea had a short coming and that it needs to be adapted. Either way it just improves my thinking.
kstrauser 2y ago
FWIW, I feel no pressure at all to do this. I want to get better at it purely because I want to get better at it. One practical benefit is that non-work social settings get easier, too. When I’m around a bunch of my kids’ friends’ parents, who are perfectly nice people who probably have a lot in common with me and I’ll probably enjoy being around, it’s nice to have some practice making conversation with a roomful of strangers. I’m not doing this for work. I do it for me.
draw_down 2y ago
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onemoresoop 2y ago

Pressure to be social is like pressure to stay fit. If you don’t put any effort it atrophies.

dyauspitr 2y ago
If you have a family already what’s the payoff though. I never get any great feelings from social visits, I just do it to be an upstanding member of society and so my daughter has friends.
- semireg 2y ago
  It might be nice to have a social safety net when you age and your children leave you.
  - dgfitz 2y ago
    Why? What would be nice about it?
    - lupire 2y ago
      Not being alone.
      - zeroonetwothree 2y ago
        But what if I don't mind being alone? Or even prefer it?
  - dyauspitr 2y ago
    Wife should still be around.
    - Gigachad 2y ago
      That’s not guaranteed.
      - dyauspitr 2y ago
        It’s not but very likely atleast in my case.
bawolff 2y ago
if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun. Staying fit by doing something you enjoy (hiking, sports with friends, whatever) you are probably going to have more fun, and stick with it. If you only socialize with people you don't like because you are "forced"/"pressured" to, you aren't going to have a good time. Socializing is supposed to be fun, if you turn it into a job you hate, you aren't going to get the benefits of being social
- Barrin92 2y ago
  >if you're staying fit because you are being pressured, you probably aren't having any fun Not everything in life is about "having fun". Pushing yourself beyond your own comfort zone, or being pushed, is by definition not going to be enjoyable in some superficial sense, but it's the only way you'll ever actually engage with anything new or unfamiliar and grow. Nobody who is grossly out of shape enjoys showing up at the gym the first time, but even though they don't enjoy it, it will benefit them all the same and eventually they may very well come to like it. It's the same with education, decades of trying to make education "fun" have resulted in large amounts of people being unable to absorb anything that isn't in some trivial sense gratifying.
  - kstrauser 2y ago
    And further, you never know if you'll like something until you try it. That's kind of universally true. The idea of going to a gym isn't appealing at all if you describe it objectively: you're going to go to a large room filled with heavy hunks of metal and sweating strangers. You're going to lift them up and down until you can't do it anymore. Then you'll drive home. That's not exactly appealing. And yet, despite everything, I love the way I feel when I'm working out. It's perfectly A-OK not to like going to social outings with others. But until you've tried it, you don't actually know whether you like it or not.
  - bawolff 2y ago
    > Not everything in life is about "having fun". Of course not. However i would put recreational activities squarely in the "having fun" category.
zeroonetwothree 2y ago
Unlike being fit, being social doesn't have any inherent benefit in terms of health. It's merely a preference.
- bawolff 2y ago
  That's probably not true. Lonliness is linked to both physical and mental health issues. However being social and not being lonely is not the same thing.
  - Izkata 2y ago
    Loneliness and being alone aren't the same thing either.
- cdrini 2y ago
  That's not quite true, social isolation has been shown to be correlated with an increased risk of dementia and cognitive impairment in older age. And I reckon there are other studies that show correlations with other health outcomes.
  - swat535 2y ago
    I suppose it depends on the person but the older I get, the less patience I have for people and the more I rather focus on myself, hobbies and quiet time. I don’t have time for fake social gatherings or pretending like parent does. If I meet someone genuine I will engage with them, otherwise I much rather to keep to my own devices..
    - ethbr1 2y ago
      I'd hazard that's exactly why it's inportant: mental exposure to uncomfortable and novel situations.
    - cdrini 2y ago
      As a thought experiment, jumping back to the parallel with fitness, is your statement the same as saying "I suppose it depends on the person, but the older I get, the less patience I have for eating healthy and exercising, and the more I'd rather focus on eating food I like and spending time on my sedentary hobbies."? As in, it's 100% your choice to live your life that way, but you also have to accept that there are health repercussions associated with certain life styles. Side note: I'm not sure what you mean by a "fake" social gathering. But for me, I've been taking part in a debate society, and some French meetups lately to socialise more, and I've loved it. Everyone is genuine in that they're there for a specific shared interest. And I've found that my thoughts/ideas are greatly improved from the ability to debate with others. Sometimes I'll realise I have a huge blind spot, and need to reject an idea. Sometimes I'll realise my idea had a short coming and that it needs to be adapted. Either way it just improves my thinking.

kstrauser 2y ago

FWIW, I feel no pressure at all to do this. I want to get better at it purely because I want to get better at it. One practical benefit is that non-work social settings get easier, too. When I’m around a bunch of my kids’ friends’ parents, who are perfectly nice people who probably have a lot in common with me and I’ll probably enjoy being around, it’s nice to have some practice making conversation with a roomful of strangers. I’m not doing this for work. I do it for me.

draw_down 2y ago

[dead]