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As a person who was very introvert at social gatherings, and the polar opposite now, I'm now convinced that being extrovert is not a skill or an "area" (outside

As a person who was very introvert at social gatherings, and the polar opposite now, I'm now convinced that being extrovert is not a skill or an "area" (outside the comfort zone), but rather a state of mind. It's certainly an art and a science to be a good conversationalist, but being in that certain state of mind is "a lot %" of what's needed, and it actually takes no energy or comfort - although as other state, natural introverts enjoy this state for a certain amount of time. It can also take a lot to "get there", though.

Workaccount2 2y ago
The core problem is that introvert/extrovert has little or no bearings on someone's social ability. Introvert/extrovert is the method that people use to recharge their energy. It has nothing to do with social ability despite the terms getting hijacked for that. Signed, an extremely introverted person who talks and interacts a lot in social situations.
- zeroonetwothree 2y ago
  I don’t think it’s so simple. Brains are complicated and everyone is different.
  - yieldcrv 2y ago
    That’s fine but how people term introvert to be reclusive is inaccurate.
    - kstrauser 2y ago
      I strongly agree with that. I like being around people when I’m not expected to engage with them. I’ll go to a ball game or a crowded holiday mall any time. I like the throngs busily enjoying themselves around me. I’m an introvert but I’m not even a little reclusive.
- bdangubic 2y ago
  this is like saying you know all about how it is to be an orphan because you read Oliver Twist
  - zdragnar 2y ago
    When I first met one of my friends, I had assumed he was very extroverted from observing him at work. It was only when I really got to know him that he is, in fact, just as introverted as I am, if not more- something he even told me after we got to talking one night. The parent post is correct: extroversion and introversion is about how you feel being in groups, not how you act.
buran77 2y ago
> but being in that certain state of mind is "a lot %" of what's needed, and it actually takes no energy or comfort Your mileage may vary but it certainly takes energy to maintain a state of mind which doesn't come naturally to you. This is bound to affect your comfort eventually. Since there are degrees of intro/extroversion, it may be easier for some people to will themselves across that divide. It's like floating on water. Some do it naturally, effortlessly, they even rest and relax while doing it. Others have to flail around under the surface to do it, putting in effort and consuming energy.
- saghm 2y ago
  This is an important point. Most people who I interact with would probably characterize me as an extrovert because I'm often super talkative and energetic, but the only reason I act like this is because I get time to "recharge" every day by spending time without interacting with anyone (other than my wife, who is the one person that doesn't take "energy" for me to spend time with). Even spending time with close friends and family members is something I need occasional breaks from to maintain my sanity. I often describe this concept to people as a social "battery"; I need time to charge it (almost) every day in order to have anything to spend the next day, but it also can ruin the capacity if I charge it for too long while it's at max. Figuring out the right balance is key, especially when other circumstances can affect how much energy it feels like is expended by socializing (e.g. ambient stress level from other parts of my life.

Workaccount2 2y ago

The core problem is that introvert/extrovert has little or no bearings on someone's social ability. Introvert/extrovert is the method that people use to recharge their energy. It has nothing to do with social ability despite the terms getting hijacked for that. Signed, an extremely introverted person who talks and interacts a lot in social situations.

zeroonetwothree 2y ago
I don’t think it’s so simple. Brains are complicated and everyone is different.
- yieldcrv 2y ago
  That’s fine but how people term introvert to be reclusive is inaccurate.
  - kstrauser 2y ago
    I strongly agree with that. I like being around people when I’m not expected to engage with them. I’ll go to a ball game or a crowded holiday mall any time. I like the throngs busily enjoying themselves around me. I’m an introvert but I’m not even a little reclusive.
bdangubic 2y ago
this is like saying you know all about how it is to be an orphan because you read Oliver Twist
- zdragnar 2y ago
  When I first met one of my friends, I had assumed he was very extroverted from observing him at work. It was only when I really got to know him that he is, in fact, just as introverted as I am, if not more- something he even told me after we got to talking one night. The parent post is correct: extroversion and introversion is about how you feel being in groups, not how you act.

buran77 2y ago

> but being in that certain state of mind is "a lot %" of what's needed, and it actually takes no energy or comfort Your mileage may vary but it certainly takes energy to maintain a state of mind which doesn't come naturally to you. This is bound to affect your comfort eventually. Since there are degrees of intro/extroversion, it may be easier for some people to will themselves across that divide. It's like floating on water. Some do it naturally, effortlessly, they even rest and relax while doing it. Others have to flail around under the surface to do it, putting in effort and consuming energy.

saghm 2y ago
This is an important point. Most people who I interact with would probably characterize me as an extrovert because I'm often super talkative and energetic, but the only reason I act like this is because I get time to "recharge" every day by spending time without interacting with anyone (other than my wife, who is the one person that doesn't take "energy" for me to spend time with). Even spending time with close friends and family members is something I need occasional breaks from to maintain my sanity. I often describe this concept to people as a social "battery"; I need time to charge it (almost) every day in order to have anything to spend the next day, but it also can ruin the capacity if I charge it for too long while it's at max. Figuring out the right balance is key, especially when other circumstances can affect how much energy it feels like is expended by socializing (e.g. ambient stress level from other parts of my life.