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Good advice but we need to change its scope: All of that works if your problem is shyness or being self conscious. And indeed there's a strong Venn diagram betw

Good advice but we need to change its scope: All of that works if your problem is shyness or being self conscious. And indeed there's a strong Venn diagram between shyness, quietness, self consciousness, awkwardness, and introvertness. But it's not the same. I'm inherently all of those things. After 20 years in consulting though, including dedicated training and experience, nobody believes me anymore - I've built strong social skills and come off cheerfully comfortable at work and random social situations. I've been formally mentoring people emotional intelligence and soft skills for at least 6-8 years. But they are exhausting, even those that have become second nature / automatic. And that issue is not becoming lesser with age or skills or experience. And the more people in a group, the more exponentially exhausting every experience is :-/

bdangubic 2y ago
what you do - even if ALL the love for it is there in you - sounds absolutely exhausting to me (especially after as many years as you have been doing it) and I am about as extrovert as it gets, much like you are described your sister in the other comment. is it plausible that your feels are not as closely related to you being introvert and just nature of the career itself?
- NikolaNovak 2y ago
  Plausible, but the draining is not just at work. I love one on one and can generally spend large amount of time with individuals whose company I enjoy. But groups (say 4+ including myself) are "draining" no matter the enjoyment. It's not that I'm "not a people person", I love hanging out with my friends and family! It's just that, with several people hanging out especially, I'm likely the first one to leave and find a couch or bed or comfy chair somewhere to read a book or play an instrument or video game or whatever to "recharge". Some people misinterpret that as not enjoying hanging out with people but that's not it. It's more like, hanging our with people is as physical of an activity for me as biking or swimming or rock climbing. I love it... But I get tired eventually :-) (analogy breaks down quickly tough - per another thread here though, unlike the physical activities here,I haven't really been able to increase my "social stamina". Social skills, hugely! Social stamina, not really)
  - bdangubic 2y ago
    fascinating! I totally understand even though I don’t actually understand (if that makes any sense :) )
nuancebydefault 2y ago
Today I learned, being skilled at something does not mean it has to become less exhausting. Could it be that your acquired social skills somehow go against your 'nature'? I wonder if there is social research on this subject.

bdangubic 2y ago

what you do - even if ALL the love for it is there in you - sounds absolutely exhausting to me (especially after as many years as you have been doing it) and I am about as extrovert as it gets, much like you are described your sister in the other comment. is it plausible that your feels are not as closely related to you being introvert and just nature of the career itself?

NikolaNovak 2y ago
Plausible, but the draining is not just at work. I love one on one and can generally spend large amount of time with individuals whose company I enjoy. But groups (say 4+ including myself) are "draining" no matter the enjoyment. It's not that I'm "not a people person", I love hanging out with my friends and family! It's just that, with several people hanging out especially, I'm likely the first one to leave and find a couch or bed or comfy chair somewhere to read a book or play an instrument or video game or whatever to "recharge". Some people misinterpret that as not enjoying hanging out with people but that's not it. It's more like, hanging our with people is as physical of an activity for me as biking or swimming or rock climbing. I love it... But I get tired eventually :-) (analogy breaks down quickly tough - per another thread here though, unlike the physical activities here,I haven't really been able to increase my "social stamina". Social skills, hugely! Social stamina, not really)
- bdangubic 2y ago
  fascinating! I totally understand even though I don’t actually understand (if that makes any sense :) )

nuancebydefault 2y ago

Today I learned, being skilled at something does not mean it has to become less exhausting. Could it be that your acquired social skills somehow go against your 'nature'? I wonder if there is social research on this subject.