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My problem is that I don't want to play sports or doing a running club or any thing like that. And it isn't that I'm not willing to put in some work, it's that

My problem is that I don't want to play sports or doing a running club or any thing like that. And it isn't that I'm not willing to put in some work, it's that I want to make friends who want to do _other things_. I'm not sure how to find good public groups for people like me with the intent of finding friends for less public interests like video games, board games, books, etc.

wakawaka28 2y ago
For games stuff, you can go to game stores and competitions. There are book clubs too. The trouble with a lot of these things is that most people don't actually want to make friends who are all about either of those things. They want to make demographically matched friends that are willing to do more than one thing. If your game group is a bunch of 18 year old dorky dudes, and you're in your 30s, you are likely to feel out of place. If you're single and want to date out of your friend group, you might have to broaden your horizons to include stuff that the opposite sex tends to like. You won't be welcome in many of those contexts either.
- pavel_lishin 2y ago
  > They want to make demographically matched friends that are willing to do more than one thing. If your game group is a bunch of 18 year old dorky dudes, and you're in your 30s, you are likely to feel out of place. Sure, but why is it a given that the game group is all the same age? The groups I'm in vary from somewhere below the drinking age (never asked), to people in their 60s and above. Now, granted, I'm 40 - I'm more likely to build a long-term friendship with the older folks than the 20 year olds - but so far, everyone seems to be getting along fairly well, and I've had these people over at my house.
  - wakawaka28 2y ago
    Board games tend to attract young people. I know there can be a few oddballs who make the group technically appear to range from 12 to 80 or something, and like one or two girls who make it technically have women there. But if 90% of the group is 12-25 year old boys and young men, this seems like an inefficient way to meet people you can really hang with as an older guy, and also an extremely inefficient way to get dates. As long as you enjoy it and know what you're getting into I guess it's fine. Sometimes being the old man with a few extra resources can be beneficial. But I'm not looking for more work than I already have.
    - pavel_lishin 2y ago
      I guess I haven't gone to too many boardgame meetups, but D&D seems to have a pretty decent age spread to me; in fact, it tends to lean older than younger. I have no comment on the dating aspect; I'm monogamously married, and have no particular opinion on the matter, though I will say that D&D leans so heavily male, I can count the number of women I've played with in the past six months on two hands without needing fingers. It's a problem in the hobby. :/
jsnsnd 2y ago
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pavel_lishin 2y ago
> I'm not sure how to find good public groups for people like me with the intent of finding friends for less public interests like video games, board games, books, etc. I've found a local group of friends by posting that I want to start a D&D campaign - I did this both online, and by literally putting up posters. Later, I joined a discord with the same intent. I've run one campaign with some local friends, and am in two others with other people. We see each other at least once every two weeks.

wakawaka28 2y ago

For games stuff, you can go to game stores and competitions. There are book clubs too. The trouble with a lot of these things is that most people don't actually want to make friends who are all about either of those things. They want to make demographically matched friends that are willing to do more than one thing. If your game group is a bunch of 18 year old dorky dudes, and you're in your 30s, you are likely to feel out of place. If you're single and want to date out of your friend group, you might have to broaden your horizons to include stuff that the opposite sex tends to like. You won't be welcome in many of those contexts either.

pavel_lishin 2y ago
> They want to make demographically matched friends that are willing to do more than one thing. If your game group is a bunch of 18 year old dorky dudes, and you're in your 30s, you are likely to feel out of place. Sure, but why is it a given that the game group is all the same age? The groups I'm in vary from somewhere below the drinking age (never asked), to people in their 60s and above. Now, granted, I'm 40 - I'm more likely to build a long-term friendship with the older folks than the 20 year olds - but so far, everyone seems to be getting along fairly well, and I've had these people over at my house.
- wakawaka28 2y ago
  Board games tend to attract young people. I know there can be a few oddballs who make the group technically appear to range from 12 to 80 or something, and like one or two girls who make it technically have women there. But if 90% of the group is 12-25 year old boys and young men, this seems like an inefficient way to meet people you can really hang with as an older guy, and also an extremely inefficient way to get dates. As long as you enjoy it and know what you're getting into I guess it's fine. Sometimes being the old man with a few extra resources can be beneficial. But I'm not looking for more work than I already have.
  - pavel_lishin 2y ago
    I guess I haven't gone to too many boardgame meetups, but D&D seems to have a pretty decent age spread to me; in fact, it tends to lean older than younger. I have no comment on the dating aspect; I'm monogamously married, and have no particular opinion on the matter, though I will say that D&D leans so heavily male, I can count the number of women I've played with in the past six months on two hands without needing fingers. It's a problem in the hobby. :/

jsnsnd 2y ago

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pavel_lishin 2y ago

> I'm not sure how to find good public groups for people like me with the intent of finding friends for less public interests like video games, board games, books, etc. I've found a local group of friends by posting that I want to start a D&D campaign - I did this both online, and by literally putting up posters. Later, I joined a discord with the same intent. I've run one campaign with some local friends, and am in two others with other people. We see each other at least once every two weeks.