5 ms·

It is hard, for those that treat life as 'working and slacking'. Join a group - any group. Attend meetings. Contribute. Make friends. It's still that easy. Bu

It is hard, for those that treat life as 'working and slacking'. Join a group - any group. Attend meetings. Contribute. Make friends. It's still that easy. But, you have to give up social media doomscrolling and movie binging. So there's that. A better title might be - why it's hard now to get off your butt and do anything other than work and slacking. Because it is hard. But if you do it - all the same friendship avenues are still there.

ghaff 2y ago
For me, over time, it's been primarily common outdoor interests. Though it doesn't have to be outdoor interests specifically.
someothherguyy 2y ago
Generalizing all humans experiencing difficulty socializing as adults as lazy is an oversimplification at best.
- taneq 2y ago
  I don't think that's exactly what they were saying. I read it more like "people who divide life into work-that-you-should-pour-your-energy-into and recovery-where-you-try-not-to-spend-energy", and that maybe we should pour less of our energy into work and use that energy for socialising (which can result in an overall net energy gain).
  - someothherguyy 2y ago
    You have more generous eyes than my best, but saying things like, get off your butt, stop binging, and its that easy, is pretty analogous to common discourse where the blame is placed on motivation alone.
- throw646577 2y ago
  There are obviously some adults who have severe limitations on their ability to socialise and nobody is implying they are lazy. But a wider social scene I have been part of has people with evident learning difficulties, people with obvious neurodivergence, people with physical disabilities. If you show up and show interest in sharing a common goal with a large enough circle of people, then those people will find you a way to participate at your own speed. If you have a way to show up for social activities, or assistance to show up, you could show up, you have a desire to show up, and you don't show up... some of that really is laziness at worst and avoidance at best.
- Drew_ 2y ago
  Their comment is on a specific kind of person ("those that treat life as 'working and slacking'"), not all people.
BoingBoomTschak 2y ago
> Join a group - any group. Attend meetings. Contribute. Make friends. This is basically the "1. Do thing, 2. ???, 3. Profit!" South Park meme. If you're normal and like to drink a beer while talking about travel, TV, base politics or sportsball, sure it works. But let's be honest, you normal people can smell when someone isn't part of their tribe, even with a good mask on.
- f1shy 2y ago
  That is my thinking too. Joining a group of 10 people, maybe with luck I make 1 friend out of it. I’ve done it in the past, with mixed results. My father would roam through different groups, rotary, lions club, church, fathers of my friends… that resulted in a say 1% friendships, which would last from 1 to 3 years. And boy there are dangers there too! Nobody is talking about them! Was I the only one who got a manic hanging every day at my door? I had many experiences where people I didn’t want to be around would stick to me in a stalker way…
  - someothherguyy 2y ago
    And those "manics" are excluded as well, while just showing up, trying to make friends. The solutionism exhibited in discussions like this flies in the face of reality. They devolve into self-help for the masses. Human relationships are complex, and there is no easy path to true friendship.
    - throw646577 2y ago
      > The solutionism exhibited in discussions like this flies in the face of reality. The solution I identify in my comments does not fly in the face of reality, because it is how I went from being crushingly lonely and weird in my early 30s to having the kind of friends who (just today) said "are you really doing Christmas by yourself? Fly out to <another country> and come to us, you'd be very welcome", and they absolutely mean it. I'm still someone who lives solo and the covid lockdowns were a difficult, lonely time. But I have friends because I found myself introduced to an event on the fringes of a much bigger social scene, and I decided to turn up more and take an active part in it. You find a thing that is bigger than yourself, whatever it is, you show interest, and you keep turning up. It's not solutionism: it's how friendship starts, for most people. You offer or accept help. You share a task that needs doing. You share an activity that is fun. You expand your personal circle to a dog, and they expand your circle to the owners of other dogs. Whatever. Of course humans are all different, but essentially all the adults at a grown up social group, community project, activism event, regular club, dog park, have something in common: they are adults who want friendship. That may well be the only thing they have in common apart from their interest in some shared endeavour.

ghaff 2y ago

For me, over time, it's been primarily common outdoor interests. Though it doesn't have to be outdoor interests specifically.

someothherguyy 2y ago

Generalizing all humans experiencing difficulty socializing as adults as lazy is an oversimplification at best.

taneq 2y ago
I don't think that's exactly what they were saying. I read it more like "people who divide life into work-that-you-should-pour-your-energy-into and recovery-where-you-try-not-to-spend-energy", and that maybe we should pour less of our energy into work and use that energy for socialising (which can result in an overall net energy gain).
- someothherguyy 2y ago
  You have more generous eyes than my best, but saying things like, get off your butt, stop binging, and its that easy, is pretty analogous to common discourse where the blame is placed on motivation alone.
throw646577 2y ago
There are obviously some adults who have severe limitations on their ability to socialise and nobody is implying they are lazy. But a wider social scene I have been part of has people with evident learning difficulties, people with obvious neurodivergence, people with physical disabilities. If you show up and show interest in sharing a common goal with a large enough circle of people, then those people will find you a way to participate at your own speed. If you have a way to show up for social activities, or assistance to show up, you could show up, you have a desire to show up, and you don't show up... some of that really is laziness at worst and avoidance at best.
Drew_ 2y ago
Their comment is on a specific kind of person ("those that treat life as 'working and slacking'"), not all people.

BoingBoomTschak 2y ago

> Join a group - any group. Attend meetings. Contribute. Make friends. This is basically the "1. Do thing, 2. ???, 3. Profit!" South Park meme. If you're normal and like to drink a beer while talking about travel, TV, base politics or sportsball, sure it works. But let's be honest, you normal people can smell when someone isn't part of their tribe, even with a good mask on.

f1shy 2y ago
That is my thinking too. Joining a group of 10 people, maybe with luck I make 1 friend out of it. I’ve done it in the past, with mixed results. My father would roam through different groups, rotary, lions club, church, fathers of my friends… that resulted in a say 1% friendships, which would last from 1 to 3 years. And boy there are dangers there too! Nobody is talking about them! Was I the only one who got a manic hanging every day at my door? I had many experiences where people I didn’t want to be around would stick to me in a stalker way…
- someothherguyy 2y ago
  And those "manics" are excluded as well, while just showing up, trying to make friends. The solutionism exhibited in discussions like this flies in the face of reality. They devolve into self-help for the masses. Human relationships are complex, and there is no easy path to true friendship.
  - throw646577 2y ago
    > The solutionism exhibited in discussions like this flies in the face of reality. The solution I identify in my comments does not fly in the face of reality, because it is how I went from being crushingly lonely and weird in my early 30s to having the kind of friends who (just today) said "are you really doing Christmas by yourself? Fly out to <another country> and come to us, you'd be very welcome", and they absolutely mean it. I'm still someone who lives solo and the covid lockdowns were a difficult, lonely time. But I have friends because I found myself introduced to an event on the fringes of a much bigger social scene, and I decided to turn up more and take an active part in it. You find a thing that is bigger than yourself, whatever it is, you show interest, and you keep turning up. It's not solutionism: it's how friendship starts, for most people. You offer or accept help. You share a task that needs doing. You share an activity that is fun. You expand your personal circle to a dog, and they expand your circle to the owners of other dogs. Whatever. Of course humans are all different, but essentially all the adults at a grown up social group, community project, activism event, regular club, dog park, have something in common: they are adults who want friendship. That may well be the only thing they have in common apart from their interest in some shared endeavour.