4 ms·

Many, many years into my “commitment” and it’s been the best time of my life. And my partner’s, too. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat, even the tougher times.

Many, many years into my “commitment” and it’s been the best time of my life. And my partner’s, too. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat, even the tougher times. YMMV, but such is life.

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
toomuchtodo 2y ago
Congrats on winning the lottery, most people do not.
- ablation 2y ago
  I must say, in my experience of the parents I know and see regularly on a level I would consider very close, we must be a cluster of lottery winners.
  - toomuchtodo 2y ago
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/new-gps-intimate-relationships/202210/why-relationships-fail https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/new-gps-intimate-rel... > ~48% of first marriages fail, ~60% of second marriages, ~70% third marriages. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4240051/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4240051/ > The Centers for Disease Control stopped gathering complete data on the number of children affected by divorce in 1988, and at that time more than one million children were affected (Cohen 2002). Since then, the incidence of divorce has continued to climb, and according to the 2009 American Community Survey, only 45.8 percent of children reach age 17 years while still living with their biologic parents who were married before or around the time of the child's birth (Fagan and Zill 2011). The majority of divorces affect younger children since 72 percent of divorces occur during the first 14 years of marriage. Because a high percentage of divorced adults remarry, and 40 percent of these remarriages also end in divorce, children may be subjected to multiple family realignments (Cohen 2002). https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-experiences-of-u-s-adults-who-dont-have-children/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-exp... > 57% of adults under 50 who say they’re unlikely to ever have kids say a major reason is they just don’t want to; 31% of those ages 50 and older without kids cite this as a reason they never had them https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-... > As relationships, living arrangements and family life continue to evolve for American adults, a rising share are not living with a romantic partner. A new Pew Research Center analysis of census data finds that in 2019, roughly four-in-ten adults ages 25 to 54 (38%) were unpartnered – that is, neither married nor living with a partner. This share is up sharply from 29% in 1990. Men are now more likely than women to be unpartnered, which wasn’t the case 30 years ago. https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2024/11/family-households.html https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2024/11/family-househ... > About 39% of U.S. family households this year included the householder’s children under 18, according to new U.S. Census Bureau estimates. https://www.voronoiapp.com/demographics/Over-Half-of-Households-in-the-US-Dont-Have-Kids--2933 https://www.voronoiapp.com/demographics/Over-Half-of-Househo... (draw your attention to the shrinking yellow “married parent” cohort, 17.9%) TLDR A majority of US households don’t have kids, and only 18% are households with married parents. (Aggressively data driven; "May the odds be ever in your favor")
    - ablation 2y ago
      I am sorry for you if you experienced this first hand, or fear you might end up experiencing this. I wish you all the best and happy holidays.
      - toomuchtodo 2y ago
        On the contrary, I’ve been with my partner for over 20 years and am happy enough. But, I don’t let my emotions get in the way of logic and the rational when advising others. I recognize luck for what it is, and you should to. We won the lottery, as I said; most do not. I’m just trying to help people who haven’t made the one way door choice yet potentially suffer less. Be well, take care. Edit: I never felt this subthread was anything other than the polite exchange of data and thoughts, and I hope you felt the same way too.
        ablation 2y ago
        I appreciate the data and considered response. And yes, I do recognize luck but also that good things take work, too. And your posts have made me recogize it all the more - it’s good to have a moment to realize that not everyone experiences what you do. Also I appreciate HN for enabling this to be a thoughtful exchange. So all the best - and I do mean that!

Many, many years into my “commitment” and it’s been the best time of my life. And my partner’s, too. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat, even the tougher times. YMMV, but such is life.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

toomuchtodo 2y ago

Congrats on winning the lottery, most people do not.

ablation 2y ago
I must say, in my experience of the parents I know and see regularly on a level I would consider very close, we must be a cluster of lottery winners.
- toomuchtodo 2y ago
  https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/new-gps-intimate-relationships/202210/why-relationships-fail https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/new-gps-intimate-rel... > ~48% of first marriages fail, ~60% of second marriages, ~70% third marriages. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4240051/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4240051/ > The Centers for Disease Control stopped gathering complete data on the number of children affected by divorce in 1988, and at that time more than one million children were affected (Cohen 2002). Since then, the incidence of divorce has continued to climb, and according to the 2009 American Community Survey, only 45.8 percent of children reach age 17 years while still living with their biologic parents who were married before or around the time of the child's birth (Fagan and Zill 2011). The majority of divorces affect younger children since 72 percent of divorces occur during the first 14 years of marriage. Because a high percentage of divorced adults remarry, and 40 percent of these remarriages also end in divorce, children may be subjected to multiple family realignments (Cohen 2002). https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-experiences-of-u-s-adults-who-dont-have-children/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2024/07/25/the-exp... > 57% of adults under 50 who say they’re unlikely to ever have kids say a major reason is they just don’t want to; 31% of those ages 50 and older without kids cite this as a reason they never had them https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-share-of-u-s-adults-are-living-without-a-spouse-or-partner/ https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2021/10/05/rising-... > As relationships, living arrangements and family life continue to evolve for American adults, a rising share are not living with a romantic partner. A new Pew Research Center analysis of census data finds that in 2019, roughly four-in-ten adults ages 25 to 54 (38%) were unpartnered – that is, neither married nor living with a partner. This share is up sharply from 29% in 1990. Men are now more likely than women to be unpartnered, which wasn’t the case 30 years ago. https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2024/11/family-households.html https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2024/11/family-househ... > About 39% of U.S. family households this year included the householder’s children under 18, according to new U.S. Census Bureau estimates. https://www.voronoiapp.com/demographics/Over-Half-of-Households-in-the-US-Dont-Have-Kids--2933 https://www.voronoiapp.com/demographics/Over-Half-of-Househo... (draw your attention to the shrinking yellow “married parent” cohort, 17.9%) TLDR A majority of US households don’t have kids, and only 18% are households with married parents. (Aggressively data driven; "May the odds be ever in your favor")
  - ablation 2y ago
    I am sorry for you if you experienced this first hand, or fear you might end up experiencing this. I wish you all the best and happy holidays.
    - toomuchtodo 2y ago
      On the contrary, I’ve been with my partner for over 20 years and am happy enough. But, I don’t let my emotions get in the way of logic and the rational when advising others. I recognize luck for what it is, and you should to. We won the lottery, as I said; most do not. I’m just trying to help people who haven’t made the one way door choice yet potentially suffer less. Be well, take care. Edit: I never felt this subthread was anything other than the polite exchange of data and thoughts, and I hope you felt the same way too.
      - ablation 2y ago
        I appreciate the data and considered response. And yes, I do recognize luck but also that good things take work, too. And your posts have made me recogize it all the more - it’s good to have a moment to realize that not everyone experiences what you do. Also I appreciate HN for enabling this to be a thoughtful exchange. So all the best - and I do mean that!