2 ms·

> How do you deal with coworkers doing/saying stupid things, especially in programming and science? I think the real question you have to answer for yourself i

> How do you deal with coworkers doing/saying stupid things, especially in programming and science? I think the real question you have to answer for yourself is, who died and appointed you the arbiter of stupid? Why do you think you should go around and share your opinion on what other people want to do and say? The fundamental problem is not how you present criticism, as other commentors have suggested. That is a techie "hacks" approach to the issue. It's your attitude towards other people on the whole. You want to critize because of the way it makes you feel, not because you want to help them grow as human beings. I don't know you personally, but a lot of people with the kinds of criticizing problems you describe look at being correct as being righteous, and being incorrect as sinful, unvirtuous and contemptible. Just biting your tongue's not going to solve this underlying view. What you need to cultivate is respect and empathy for everyone's humanity and their complete otherness from you.(And some gentleness for yourself, too.) I'd recommend some vipashyana mediation. Note: I'm aware of the irony. But you asked.

adbachman 18y ago
> "who died and appointed you the arbiter of stupid" I think that's the key. We all are entitled to an opinion, but none of us is entitled to spit that opinion in the face of anyone else. > "It's your attitude towards other people on the whole. You want to criticize because of the way it makes you feel" > "Just biting your tongue's not going to solve this [negative] underlying view [of other people]." Strongly agree. Most peoples' criticism (mine especially included) isn't harsh because they use a bad method, it's harsh because they're mean, selfish people.
critic 18y ago
I think hating bad/incorrect is key to being good/correct: hating bad spelling is key to being motivated enough to learn to spell correctly. Learning to be indifferent to failure and mediocrity is not the right goal IMO.
- ahoyhere 18y ago
  I firmly disagree. If you hate bad/incorrect, then you will have to hate yourself most of the time, because you are a fallible human just like everyone else. And hate is not a very good motivator. If you hate yourself when you are wrong, it is much easier to just not seek the truth in the first place. Accepting that mistakes are a huge part of life, and striving to get better every time, is a much better approach.
  - critic 18y ago
    > If you hate bad/incorrect, then you will have to hate yourself most of the time Look at it this way (Depending on your background, you may need to read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utility http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utility to understand the nature of my argument): There is a utilty to you of person P doing behavior B. Let's call this utility function U(P, B) You strive to maximize U, i.e. low U - hate; high U - love. And when U is flat you are indifferent. If you are making hiring/firing decisions, you get to maximize U in the first argument, so your hate/love of good/bad behaviors can translates into preferences of persons (i.e. hires) However, when looking at your own actions, you don't get to maximize U in the first argument, and so your hate/love of bad/good does not translate into self-loathing. "Self" is just not part of the equation there. See how it's much clearer when you think of it mathematically? > Accepting that mistakes are a huge part of life, > and striving to get better every time, > is a much better approach. If you are indifferent about failures (your utility function is flat), where would the striving come from?
    - ahoyhere 18y ago
      "Acting in anger is like throwing hot coals. First, you get burned." But beyond that, you're sadly mistaken if you believe that humans actually maximize utility and follow any kind of logical equation in their lives. I suggest you read Stumbling onto Happiness, Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), The Presentation of the Self in Everyday Life, and of course Predictably Irrational. All chock-full of good, meaty studies that show what irrational creatures we are.
      - critic 18y ago

adbachman 18y ago

> "who died and appointed you the arbiter of stupid" I think that's the key. We all are entitled to an opinion, but none of us is entitled to spit that opinion in the face of anyone else. > "It's your attitude towards other people on the whole. You want to criticize because of the way it makes you feel" > "Just biting your tongue's not going to solve this [negative] underlying view [of other people]." Strongly agree. Most peoples' criticism (mine especially included) isn't harsh because they use a bad method, it's harsh because they're mean, selfish people.

critic 18y ago

I think hating bad/incorrect is key to being good/correct: hating bad spelling is key to being motivated enough to learn to spell correctly. Learning to be indifferent to failure and mediocrity is not the right goal IMO.

ahoyhere 18y ago
I firmly disagree. If you hate bad/incorrect, then you will have to hate yourself most of the time, because you are a fallible human just like everyone else. And hate is not a very good motivator. If you hate yourself when you are wrong, it is much easier to just not seek the truth in the first place. Accepting that mistakes are a huge part of life, and striving to get better every time, is a much better approach.
- critic 18y ago
  > If you hate bad/incorrect, then you will have to hate yourself most of the time Look at it this way (Depending on your background, you may need to read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utility http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utility to understand the nature of my argument): There is a utilty to you of person P doing behavior B. Let's call this utility function U(P, B) You strive to maximize U, i.e. low U - hate; high U - love. And when U is flat you are indifferent. If you are making hiring/firing decisions, you get to maximize U in the first argument, so your hate/love of good/bad behaviors can translates into preferences of persons (i.e. hires) However, when looking at your own actions, you don't get to maximize U in the first argument, and so your hate/love of bad/good does not translate into self-loathing. "Self" is just not part of the equation there. See how it's much clearer when you think of it mathematically? > Accepting that mistakes are a huge part of life, > and striving to get better every time, > is a much better approach. If you are indifferent about failures (your utility function is flat), where would the striving come from?
  - ahoyhere 18y ago
    "Acting in anger is like throwing hot coals. First, you get burned." But beyond that, you're sadly mistaken if you believe that humans actually maximize utility and follow any kind of logical equation in their lives. I suggest you read Stumbling onto Happiness, Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), The Presentation of the Self in Everyday Life, and of course Predictably Irrational. All chock-full of good, meaty studies that show what irrational creatures we are.
    - critic 18y ago