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Social life after college is broken. This isn't a complaint. I'm OK with things as they are, but probably because I'm pretty introverted and also because, after

Social life after college is broken. This isn't a complaint. I'm OK with things as they are, but probably because I'm pretty introverted and also because, after years of getting used to cynical networking being the norm, I'm as much a part of the problem as anyone else. We have too much income and social stratification in this country. It's starting to become unreasonable and lead to unexpected adults, including the impoverishment of social life. We have a society based on climbing and positioning and maintaining ground, and that causes a lot of these problems. People don't realize that when they live in gated communities, they've essentially taken up a mentality that confines them to isolation, because once you start to conclude that most people are undesirable and need to kept away, you become cynical and just starting rejecting people for ludicrous reasons, until you end up alone because no one (not even you, if you evaluated yourself honestly) can meet your high standards. Socially, college was better because a 3.2 English major and a 3.9 math major could eat at the same table and attend the same activities. I didn't even know most of my friends' GPAs. It didn't matter. That enabled a certain diversity of thought that doesn't exist in the adult world.

earl 14y ago
I tend to agree with you, but you can do things to change this. Take up snowboarding as a hobby; it seems to require a decent amount of income but you'll learn there's a leisure class on either end of the income spectrum. Go in on a ski house and don't do it with just coworkers. Or do something cheaper like surfing. You'll meet a ton of people that aren't in the same vc/startup world.
praxulus 14y ago
I believe organized religion used to sustain social lives for adults, and still does in many parts of the country. Tight-knit communities have been disrupted by economic development and urbanization, but even in a big city you can get to know the people in your congregation very well.
- gnaritas 14y ago
  Which is a problem for sane people who can't fit into such organized superstition.
  - steauengeglase 14y ago
    There are always the Unitarians.
    - gnaritas 14y ago
      Still organized superstition.
      - bdunbar 14y ago
        Not very organized. And your typical UU congregation doesn't even let God in the door, let alone promote any especial belief except 'dude, whatever, let's talk about it'.
      - loup-vaillant 14y ago
        Then, rationalists meetups. They can still host a fair amount of organized superstition, but at least they try to be wary of that.
        gnaritas 14y ago
        I was commenting on how religion traditionally sustained social lives for adults, and how that's a problem today as we become more secular. I was not looking for suggestions for people to hang out with. The point being, no one thing can step up and take the place traditionally filled by the church.
        loup-vaillant 14y ago
        I'm not sure. There are atheists communities gathering on Sundays and chanting songs. In principle, one could imagine a religion grounded in reality. Now if we're talking about actually competing with the Roman Catholic Church, well… yeah, tough luck.
- eli_gottlieb 14y ago
  That well and truly depends, for a start on the demography of your congregation. One of the reasons I had a miserable time living in Cambridge, MA was because the synagogue I tried to join was primarily filled with very secularized, particularly wealthy, overwhelmingly middle-aged academics and businessmen. The kind of "Jews" who'll go out to a paid restaurant for Sabbath dinner every Friday night, but won't order meat because they're vegetarians. This was an exact non-match to a 22-year-old, religiously inclined, left-wing kid who writes code for a living.
eli_gottlieb 14y ago
I'm inclined to agree, but I think that's my prejudices talking. Did we really have more friends when inequality was lower? I don't think so. I dare say that we Americans might just have a culture of reticence and disaffectedness. We place a high value on politeness and conformity to norms, but we treat genuine displays of emotion as though someone vomited on the floor. Though I completely agree on the Orwellian character of gated "communities".

earl 14y ago

I tend to agree with you, but you can do things to change this. Take up snowboarding as a hobby; it seems to require a decent amount of income but you'll learn there's a leisure class on either end of the income spectrum. Go in on a ski house and don't do it with just coworkers. Or do something cheaper like surfing. You'll meet a ton of people that aren't in the same vc/startup world.

praxulus 14y ago

I believe organized religion used to sustain social lives for adults, and still does in many parts of the country. Tight-knit communities have been disrupted by economic development and urbanization, but even in a big city you can get to know the people in your congregation very well.

gnaritas 14y ago
Which is a problem for sane people who can't fit into such organized superstition.
- steauengeglase 14y ago
  There are always the Unitarians.
  - gnaritas 14y ago
    Still organized superstition.
    - bdunbar 14y ago
      Not very organized. And your typical UU congregation doesn't even let God in the door, let alone promote any especial belief except 'dude, whatever, let's talk about it'.
    - loup-vaillant 14y ago
      Then, rationalists meetups. They can still host a fair amount of organized superstition, but at least they try to be wary of that.
      - gnaritas 14y ago
        I was commenting on how religion traditionally sustained social lives for adults, and how that's a problem today as we become more secular. I was not looking for suggestions for people to hang out with. The point being, no one thing can step up and take the place traditionally filled by the church.
        loup-vaillant 14y ago
        I'm not sure. There are atheists communities gathering on Sundays and chanting songs. In principle, one could imagine a religion grounded in reality. Now if we're talking about actually competing with the Roman Catholic Church, well… yeah, tough luck.
eli_gottlieb 14y ago
That well and truly depends, for a start on the demography of your congregation. One of the reasons I had a miserable time living in Cambridge, MA was because the synagogue I tried to join was primarily filled with very secularized, particularly wealthy, overwhelmingly middle-aged academics and businessmen. The kind of "Jews" who'll go out to a paid restaurant for Sabbath dinner every Friday night, but won't order meat because they're vegetarians. This was an exact non-match to a 22-year-old, religiously inclined, left-wing kid who writes code for a living.

eli_gottlieb 14y ago

I'm inclined to agree, but I think that's my prejudices talking. Did we really have more friends when inequality was lower? I don't think so. I dare say that we Americans might just have a culture of reticence and disaffectedness. We place a high value on politeness and conformity to norms, but we treat genuine displays of emotion as though someone vomited on the floor. Though I completely agree on the Orwellian character of gated "communities".