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> But as you grow older, you also lose a lot of that casualness that you had before: you don't just invite them over after work to play video games. Now that yo
by pnathan 14y ago
> But as you grow older, you also lose a lot of that casualness that you had before: you don't just invite them over after work to play video games. Now that you're a "grown-up", it's "a dinner". And since you're a grown-up, your home has better be somewhat clean, and you can't just serve pizza. What was a spontaneous interaction before is now a whole event that needs planning, some cleaning, some cooking, etc. (until of course, you become real friends) So these happen less, and friendships can be like making mayonnaise: if you don't make it go right now, you'll never make it go at all.
That is so frustrating to me. I don't really want a Do when I get together with people, I just want to kick back.
- prawn 14y agoAren't quiet pubs/bars for that? Or say you've had a busy week but how about takeaway and some trashy TV in the background? Been meaning to try some local restaurant, you guys want to see if it's any good?
- jlgreco 14y agoI find the value of a good pub is vastly underestimated these days. I suspect a combination of American college drinking culture and abstinence style drinking education in public schools ("you can have more fun without drinking!") are to blame.
- Kliment 14y agoPubs are too damn loud. That's my problem with them. There's very few quiet places to have a drink. Many of the ones that do exist are upper class targeted.
- yukoncornelius 14y agoIn the US try the local microbrewery(s) for relief from a loud bar/pub. Unofrtunately, in the bay Area these may be upper class targeted, but in other areas you get a great mix of townies and beer fans.
- glanch 14y agoSeriously.. this has always been my problem. Friends would always say "let's go to the bar!". Ok, we go the bar, sit down at a table, and proceed to shout at the top of our lungs at each other because the music is so loud. I understand about 10% of what people around me are saying. So I give up and just drink, and feel isolated. And I get made fun of for wanting the group to sit outside or somewhere more quiet so we can actually talk. I probably just had shitty friends.
- prawn 14y agoGo to a different pub. There's always that slightly dorkier place that you can adopt which doesn't have live bands every Friday and get overrun with the in-crowd. Might be a bit tragic, but who cares.
- pnathan 14y agoPerhaps I'm odd, but I like hanging with friends at homes - its where we live. It's a lower energy drain for me than to go to a restaurant. Plus, homes stock games, music, wifi, etc, it's set up by one party or the other for their particular comfort. A restaurant doesn't really target specifics, and certainly won't have our favorite (niche) board games. Going out also costs a chunk of change, and snarfing a grocery pizza will cost a lot less. :-)
- prawn 14y agoSorry, I thought that if you wanted to kick back and relax, you also didn't want to clean up the house and so on (but that might've been the commenter above you). OK, so you can just invite people around for takeaway ("had a busy week; you guys OK if we go with takeaway?") removing the expectation of three courses with matched wine. Easy. Another option to frame it casually is say "X and I were going to get Thai and play some Fluxx. Seriously, nothing elaborate. You're welcome to join us if you want?"