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"So there were always people around. There were always women willing to sleep with him. But they were there for the money and he couldn't delude himself into th
by larrys 14y ago
"So there were always people around. There were always women willing to sleep with him. But they were there for the money and he couldn't delude himself into thinking otherwise."
For some reason people seem to think that someone wanting to be around because of a person's fame or money is less pure than other reasons because it's not real.
Generally when people want to be around someone it's because they give them something the other person needs. It could be humour it could be looks, it could be prestige, it could be they went to a college you admire, it could be because they are in awe of the person, or their profession, or their power. There is always a reason that a person is attractive to others. Money is certainly one of those things. Sometimes it's because they are angling to gain something from the person and sometimes it's just the halo that makes the person more attractive or respect for what they have done.
I understand the whole idea of people who are successes attracting people and not knowing of their motives. But the fact that someone liked you "way back" when you were nobody doesn't mean their current attraction is entirely pure either once you gain something else that is of benefit to them.
I've read these stories of guys who are big successes and manage to still play ball with the same guys from high school who are "regular" guys. Do you think the successful person's status has nothing to do with the fact that the high school friends all manage to want to get together and maintain ties? I think it does. For one thing it gives them something to talk about with others (say at the office) that elevates them. "Oh, yeah, I played soft ball with my friend from high school Robert DeNiro this weekend and was at his house, anyway..."
- zerostar07 14y agoIt would be impossible to have a meaningful friendship on such grounds. That is not friendship it's a trade between "fame/money" and "rich friend". It's not just "less pure", it's insane and wrong. It's entirely possible to be true friends with people of vastly different status. People have a great instinct for real friends when they see one. The problem with rich/famous people is that their lifestyle changes vastly since they can afford not to work, they live in more isolated neighborhoods and it becomes increasingly rare to bump onto people with similar goals in life. If you're super rich you can work your way through the social elite, but if you're averagely rich this doesn't seem to be an option.
- nostrademons 14y agoUh....many people don't think like that. For most of the people I know, they aren't looking for anything besides connection to other people. They're complete & whole people on their own, they don't need anything else. They don't hang around their friends because they're looking for a halo of success. They don't do it for prestige or looks or humor. They just do it because they like company. It's really a difference in worldview. For some people, things come first in their life, and they surround themselves with people who will help them achieve those things, or ones who have already achieved them so they can bask in their glow. For others, people come first in their life, and they surround themselves with things that will help them relate to the people they care about. I've been on both sides of the fence, and I can tell you, I have felt miserable every time I tried convincing myself that success was all that mattered. I'm trying to find my way back to a place now where the people matter more than the accolades - it's not all that easy, because it really is a worldview, and once you've optimized your life for success, it's pretty hard to un-optimize it and build relationships. But I can tell you that my friends don't care if you're a hot-shot developer for Google or a yoga instructor or a public-policy consultant or an urban planner. People are people, they're complex, and they're a lot more than a laundry list of characteristics you might like to have.
- dr42 14y agoI don't see this as an either/ or thing, aiming for success is fine, so is building connections and relationships on the way. I suspect that your misery had little to do with what you attributed it to, but far more to do with the side effects of the misery.
- tsotha 14y ago>For some reason people seem to think that someone wanting to be around because of a person's fame or money is less pure than other reasons because it's not real. There's a big difference between a person's intrinsic properties and his money. You like your friends; you like the rich guy's money. And when you're around someone for his money you're playing a part. It's a job. You're not going to tell him what you really think about anything. That's pathological.
- larrys 14y ago"You like your friends; you like the rich guy's money." Oh? So you think that there aren't a large number of rich people that are interesting and have achieved something which is the reason they are rich? And it would be great to spend some time with them? Steve Jobs was rich and had power and fame. So the only reason anyone would want to be around Steve is because of the money, the power and the fame? Or Larry Ellison? Or Warren Buffet? Or even Paul Graham? He's doing ok and I'm sure he would be interesting to be around even for people who have no interest in the startup scene and nothing to gain by knowing Paul. But even if someone was born into money for that matter then as a result of having money they also could be interesting and nice to be around for exactly that reason. Or at least entertaining (the Kennedy's come to mind..)
- tsotha 14y agoSure. You can like a rich guy independent of his money. But if his money is the basis for the friendship it's not really a friendship, IMO.
- sliverstorm 14y agothe only reason anyone would want to be around Steve is because of the money, the power and the fame? You completely miss the point- it isn't that nobody could like Steve as a person. It's that, how can Steve tell who likes Steve and who just likes Steve's money?
- PakG1 14y agoThat test really only happens in truly-down-in-the-dumps or life-and-death situations.
- noonespecial 14y agoThe value of friendship is to understand and to be understood. Every other motive (rightly) feels like a cheap plastic substitute.