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21% of Americans have experimented with consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives, far more than two decades ago Not only do I not believe that stat

21% of Americans have experimented with consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives, far more than two decades ago Not only do I not believe that statistic, but the footnote citation seems to be broken. I've never seen a poly relationship make it past 10 years and I've never seen a poly relationship without significant issues that you wouldn't see in a monogamous relationship. Furthermore, there simply isn't enough time in the day for poly to work. You sleep for eight hours, work for eight hours, and then have eight hours in your day left for everything else. Even if you perfectly split your free eight between two people, you're going to quickly become a boring person whose entire personality is the fact that you're poly, god forbid you have a commute or a kid.

kbelder 2y ago
Maybe it was only 2% of the population, but they accounted for 21% of the relationships.
- beeflet 2y ago
  Now we're thinking with portals!
nordsieck 2y ago
> 21% of Americans have experimented with consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives, far more than two decades ago > Not only do I not believe that statistic, but the footnote citation seems to be broken. I guess it depends a lot on how the terms are defined. If you include parallel dating (during the "non-exclusive" phase of dating), I could easily see this as being true.
- wakawaka28 2y ago
  I don't think most people are having sex with multiple people or even doing this parallel dating business. Parallel dating is less common than serial dating, and parallel dating with sex is even less common than parallel dating. It sure isn't looking like 20% of people to me. I avoid people like that too so maybe there is some selection bias.
  - inglor_cz 2y ago
    A single threesome is enough to put all its participants into those 20 per cent, and according to studies, 10 per cent of women and 18 per cent of men had a threesome. There is a majority of the cohort already, and if your friends perceive you as judgmental, they won't likely tell you that they have had one.
    - wakawaka28 2y ago
      There's no way 18% of straight men had a threesome. That sounds like the kind of thing people would lie about. In any case, a single threesome is not "polyamory" and certainly not closely related to "parallel dating."
jandrese 2y ago
> experimented with consensual non-monogamy I think this might be less of "I now have two families" and more of "we brought a third person into the bedroom for a bit of spice once in a blue moon".
KittenInABox 2y ago
I believe 21% of americans have at least tried to hook in a third for a threesome fling successfully or nonsuccessfully
- NoMoreNicksLeft 2y ago
  Half of them informed their spouses about it beforehand. One-eighth of them did so after the fact.
tremon 2y ago
I think you're making the claim much bigger than it is. The narrow interpretation of "consensual non-monogamy" does not imply a relationship. Having a threesome with your partner and your best friend already qualifies. Making out with a non-partner while your partner watches might already qualify, depending on how the question is understood.
- bluefirebrand 2y ago
  > Having a threesome with your partner and your best friend already qualifies I don't think it does qualify any more than having a one night stand between two single people implies that they are dating This seems to be ignore that Poly implies a relationship, not just sex
  - Teever 2y ago
    How many threesomes with their partner and their best friend would someone have to have before they're polyamorous?
    - bluefirebrand 2y ago
      That's probably up to whatever the couple thinks, and has no universally correct answer It just seems absurd to suggest that a monogamous couple who has one single threesome, one time, and then never again, is now "non-monogamous" forever
      - Teever 2y ago
        It's obviously a spectrum. A related concept is if you suck dick are you gay?
        nprateem 2y ago
        Asking for a friend? It depends if you enjoy it buddy
    - 2y ago
CrazyStat 2y ago
After some sleuthing I believe the original source for that statistic is [1]. But that’s a study of single adults which is a wildly different population than adults as a whole. [1] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2016.1178675 https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2016.1...
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
quux 2y ago
Time spent with different partners doesn't necessarily have to be equal. For instance a "comet partner" who you only spend a couple of days with every few months is one type of common poly relationship
dragonwriter 2y ago
> Furthermore, there simply isn’t enough time in the day for poly to work. You sleep for eight hours, work for eight hours, and then have eight hours in your day left for everything else. Not everyone (or even necessarily anyone in a family) works full time, and not everyone who works, full-time or otherwise, works in an institution at arm’s length from the family, so even at the basic premises your argument about constraints suffers from false generalization problems. Observing that polyamorous family structure is suboptimally suited for a dystopian proletarian life in some extreme capitalism assumptions is accurate, but note that that the same observation has been made by many about monogamous relationships. > Even if you perfectly split your free eight between two people, Why are you assuming splitting time? A person can interact with more than one other person at a time. > god forbid you have a commute or a kid. Seems that in many ways having kids in a poly family would be easier than a monogamous nuclear family. The only problem I see with commutes is that a poly family unit is going to be forced into more complicated commute-optimization trade-offs (OTOH, the probability of having viable commute-sharing with at least one other partner is also higher, so there’s plusses and minuses on that front, too.)
kyletns 2y ago
Good thing you figured out that non-monogamy simply doesn't work. Must feel good to finally get to the bottom of that! I'll make sure to inform the millions of Americans currently practicing it that you figured it out - simple arithmetic!
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
> Simply isn't enough time in the day We do a lot of three-person dates and hangouts, that helps with timing

kbelder 2y ago

Maybe it was only 2% of the population, but they accounted for 21% of the relationships.

beeflet 2y ago
Now we're thinking with portals!

nordsieck 2y ago

> 21% of Americans have experimented with consensual non-monogamy at some point in their lives, far more than two decades ago > Not only do I not believe that statistic, but the footnote citation seems to be broken. I guess it depends a lot on how the terms are defined. If you include parallel dating (during the "non-exclusive" phase of dating), I could easily see this as being true.

wakawaka28 2y ago
I don't think most people are having sex with multiple people or even doing this parallel dating business. Parallel dating is less common than serial dating, and parallel dating with sex is even less common than parallel dating. It sure isn't looking like 20% of people to me. I avoid people like that too so maybe there is some selection bias.
- inglor_cz 2y ago
  A single threesome is enough to put all its participants into those 20 per cent, and according to studies, 10 per cent of women and 18 per cent of men had a threesome. There is a majority of the cohort already, and if your friends perceive you as judgmental, they won't likely tell you that they have had one.
  - wakawaka28 2y ago
    There's no way 18% of straight men had a threesome. That sounds like the kind of thing people would lie about. In any case, a single threesome is not "polyamory" and certainly not closely related to "parallel dating."

jandrese 2y ago

> experimented with consensual non-monogamy I think this might be less of "I now have two families" and more of "we brought a third person into the bedroom for a bit of spice once in a blue moon".

KittenInABox 2y ago

I believe 21% of americans have at least tried to hook in a third for a threesome fling successfully or nonsuccessfully

NoMoreNicksLeft 2y ago
Half of them informed their spouses about it beforehand. One-eighth of them did so after the fact.

tremon 2y ago

I think you're making the claim much bigger than it is. The narrow interpretation of "consensual non-monogamy" does not imply a relationship. Having a threesome with your partner and your best friend already qualifies. Making out with a non-partner while your partner watches might already qualify, depending on how the question is understood.

bluefirebrand 2y ago
> Having a threesome with your partner and your best friend already qualifies I don't think it does qualify any more than having a one night stand between two single people implies that they are dating This seems to be ignore that Poly implies a relationship, not just sex
- Teever 2y ago
  How many threesomes with their partner and their best friend would someone have to have before they're polyamorous?
  - bluefirebrand 2y ago
    That's probably up to whatever the couple thinks, and has no universally correct answer It just seems absurd to suggest that a monogamous couple who has one single threesome, one time, and then never again, is now "non-monogamous" forever
    - Teever 2y ago
      It's obviously a spectrum. A related concept is if you suck dick are you gay?
      - nprateem 2y ago
        Asking for a friend? It depends if you enjoy it buddy
  - 2y ago

CrazyStat 2y ago

After some sleuthing I believe the original source for that statistic is [1]. But that’s a study of single adults which is a wildly different population than adults as a whole. [1] https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2016.1178675 https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2016.1...

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

quux 2y ago

Time spent with different partners doesn't necessarily have to be equal. For instance a "comet partner" who you only spend a couple of days with every few months is one type of common poly relationship

dragonwriter 2y ago

> Furthermore, there simply isn’t enough time in the day for poly to work. You sleep for eight hours, work for eight hours, and then have eight hours in your day left for everything else. Not everyone (or even necessarily anyone in a family) works full time, and not everyone who works, full-time or otherwise, works in an institution at arm’s length from the family, so even at the basic premises your argument about constraints suffers from false generalization problems. Observing that polyamorous family structure is suboptimally suited for a dystopian proletarian life in some extreme capitalism assumptions is accurate, but note that that the same observation has been made by many about monogamous relationships. > Even if you perfectly split your free eight between two people, Why are you assuming splitting time? A person can interact with more than one other person at a time. > god forbid you have a commute or a kid. Seems that in many ways having kids in a poly family would be easier than a monogamous nuclear family. The only problem I see with commutes is that a poly family unit is going to be forced into more complicated commute-optimization trade-offs (OTOH, the probability of having viable commute-sharing with at least one other partner is also higher, so there’s plusses and minuses on that front, too.)

kyletns 2y ago

Good thing you figured out that non-monogamy simply doesn't work. Must feel good to finally get to the bottom of that! I'll make sure to inform the millions of Americans currently practicing it that you figured it out - simple arithmetic!

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago

> Simply isn't enough time in the day We do a lot of three-person dates and hangouts, that helps with timing