10 ms·

The Night Watch [pdf] (2013)

173 points by isaiahwp 2y ago

Moomoomoo309 2y ago
This is my favorite tech article. It's satirical, it's witty, it's dense, and it's memorable. James Mickens truly outdid himself with this one - his other works are great, too, but this one is a cut above the rest!
- stogot 2y ago
  I read another by him but didn’t realize that he has a series! These are great
mistrial9 2y ago
> One time I tried to create a list<map<int>>, and my syntax errors caused the dead to walk among the living. yeah coffee is a heck of a drug ;-)
- moron4hire 2y ago
  Older C++ compilers couldn't distinguish between a right-shift operator and the closing of multiple template parameter lists, but few people figured out you just had to put spaces between all those >s.
  - Thorrez 2y ago
    The old C++ language specification said you needed a space. C++11 changed that, saying you don't need a space. https://stackoverflow.com/a/15785583 https://stackoverflow.com/a/15785583
    - moron4hire 2y ago
      In 2005, I didn't know anyone who could afford a copy of the specification. My point was that many of the other C++ programmers I knew at the time assumed it wasn't possible to nestedly use type parameters, so they just avoided it. I'm sure there were probably a cryptic error message and several toxic message board communities involved, too.
      - Thorrez 2y ago
        I think hardly any C++ programmers look at the actual specification even today. Once in a while someone will reference the draft specification immediately prior to the actual specification (because the draft is available for free). People mostly look at sites like stack overflow and cppreference.com , via Google. I don't know what the status of that type of documentation was in 2005.
  - frutiger 2y ago
    The problem is that map requires two template parameters and not just one.
EvanAnderson 2y ago
Anything written by James Mickens is worth your time.
- tptacek 2y ago
  I like him a lot. He's kind of doing a Dave Barry thing, right?
  - EvanAnderson 2y ago
    I've never read Dave Barry so I don't know. If you're seeing a similarity, though, that's enough of a recommendation to make me give Barry a look. The magic of Mickens, for me, is his weaving in Comp-Sci (or Comp-Sci adjacent) elements in dense prose causally, punctuating it with absurdity, and then running with that absurdity. Knowing that he's bringing knowledge and experience I'll likely never achieve while making it look effortless makes me really respect his ability.
    - pjmorris 2y ago
      I was introduced to Dave Barry through his 'Year in Review' parody of the year's events (back when it came in print in the 'Tropic' magazine included in the Sunday Miami Herald.) I laughed and laughed, the way a Bill Bryson book might make you laugh. He once borrowed the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile [1] to pick his son up from school. And my wife is so used to my using one of his tropes, 'That would make a great name for a rock band', [2] that she has started predicting when I'm about to say it ('Feral chihuahuas' was the subject, but that's TMI.) [1] https://www.oscarmayer.com/wienermobile/ https://www.oscarmayer.com/wienermobile/ [2] https://www.davebarry.com/gg/rockband.html https://www.davebarry.com/gg/rockband.html
  - dctoedt 2y ago
    > He's kind of doing a Dave Barry thing, right? I definitely see the resemblance.
- dmoy 2y ago
  His one about threat models[1] was hilarious and also scarily prescient. Specifically > If the Mossad wants your data, they’re going to use a drone to replace your cellphone with a piece of uranium that’s shaped like a cellphone, and when you die of tumors filled with tumors, they’re going to hold a press conference and say “It wasn’t us” as they wear t-shirts that say “IT WAS DEFINITELY US,” and then they’re going to buy all of your stuff at your estate sale so that they can directly look at the photos of your vacation instead of reading your insipid emails about them. Maybe not the "wants your data" part, but the whole pagers-are-actually-bombs thing. [1]This World of Ours, pdf: https://www.usenix.org/system/files/1401_08-12_mickens.pdf https://www.usenix.org/system/files/1401_08-12_mickens.pdf
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
isaacdl 2y ago
If you enjoy this essay, you might also enjoy another classic, "Typing the technical interview"[0] by Aphyr (a.k.a. Kyle Kingsbury, the person behind Jepsen[1] distributed systems tests.) [0] https://aphyr.com/posts/342-typing-the-technical-interview https://aphyr.com/posts/342-typing-the-technical-interview [1] https://jepsen.io/ https://jepsen.io/
- CobrastanJorji 2y ago
  Ah, I've never seen this, but I instantly related it to its predecessor, https://aphyr.com/posts/341-hexing-the-technical-interview https://aphyr.com/posts/341-hexing-the-technical-interview, which now I see is linked to and is by the same person. “Magic numbers.” You are, after all, a witch. “Every class begins with a babe, in a cafe.” I like writing that is still fun and interesting to read even when you don't understand what is being done, and then if you do understand what is being done, it's even more entertainingly weird.
- dunham 2y ago
  Therein I learned that "Haskell is a dynamically-typed, interpreted language". I've seen it said that Haskell type class resolution is essentially prolog, but this drives the point home well.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
thefaux 2y ago
> The systems programmer has read the kernel source, to better understand the deep ways of the universe, and the systems programmer has seen the comment in the scheduler that says “DOES THIS WORK LOL,” and the systems programmer has wept instead of LOLed Chef's kiss.
- flir 2y ago
  > Pointers are real. They’re what the hardware understands. Somebody has to deal with them. You can’t just place a LISP book on top of an x86 chip and hope that the hardware learns about lambda calculus by osmosis. Yessssss.
  - p_l 2y ago
    meanwhile common lisp: "actually has concept of pointers, just called differently", "invites low-level assembly reading by integrating disassembler and compiler" :V
dang 2y ago
Related. Others? The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41219779 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41219779 - Aug 2024 (1 comment) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34522845 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34522845 - Jan 2023 (35 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 - March 2019 (10 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 - Jan 2018 (1 comment) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 - March 2017 (33 comments) The Night Watch [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 - Sept 2016 (2 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 - June 2015 (21 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 - Nov 2013 (3 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 - Nov 2013 (3 comments)
dnlserrano 2y ago
damn, so good
jcgrillo 2y ago
Another absolute gem: https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/tenure-announcement https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/tenure-announcement
noamchompsit 2y ago
[flagged]
kbenson 2y ago
I'm horrible with names, so didn't recognize Mickens at first, but when I saw his picture on the paper I realized that I went through a binge of his public talks a few years back because he's such a great speaker. If you enjoy Bryan Cantrill giving talks, you'll like Mickens.
dataviz1000 2y ago
> I need to prepare for the end times, In the post apocalyptic world, what information do you take with you? A copy of wikipedia and a LLM? You get a laptop computer, maybe a 2023 macbook Pro m3, and find an array of solar panels. However, you lost your charger running from the radioactive zombies so you have to MacGyver it with 6 hours of charge left. What did you bring with you and how do you solve this?

173 points by isaiahwp 2y ago

This is my favorite tech article. It's satirical, it's witty, it's dense, and it's memorable. James Mickens truly outdid himself with this one - his other works are great, too, but this one is a cut above the rest!

stogot 2y ago
I read another by him but didn’t realize that he has a series! These are great

mistrial9 2y ago

> One time I tried to create a list<map<int>>, and my syntax errors caused the dead to walk among the living. yeah coffee is a heck of a drug ;-)

moron4hire 2y ago
Older C++ compilers couldn't distinguish between a right-shift operator and the closing of multiple template parameter lists, but few people figured out you just had to put spaces between all those >s.
- Thorrez 2y ago
  The old C++ language specification said you needed a space. C++11 changed that, saying you don't need a space. https://stackoverflow.com/a/15785583 https://stackoverflow.com/a/15785583
  - moron4hire 2y ago
    In 2005, I didn't know anyone who could afford a copy of the specification. My point was that many of the other C++ programmers I knew at the time assumed it wasn't possible to nestedly use type parameters, so they just avoided it. I'm sure there were probably a cryptic error message and several toxic message board communities involved, too.
    - Thorrez 2y ago
      I think hardly any C++ programmers look at the actual specification even today. Once in a while someone will reference the draft specification immediately prior to the actual specification (because the draft is available for free). People mostly look at sites like stack overflow and cppreference.com , via Google. I don't know what the status of that type of documentation was in 2005.
- frutiger 2y ago
  The problem is that map requires two template parameters and not just one.

EvanAnderson 2y ago

Anything written by James Mickens is worth your time.

tptacek 2y ago
I like him a lot. He's kind of doing a Dave Barry thing, right?
- EvanAnderson 2y ago
  I've never read Dave Barry so I don't know. If you're seeing a similarity, though, that's enough of a recommendation to make me give Barry a look. The magic of Mickens, for me, is his weaving in Comp-Sci (or Comp-Sci adjacent) elements in dense prose causally, punctuating it with absurdity, and then running with that absurdity. Knowing that he's bringing knowledge and experience I'll likely never achieve while making it look effortless makes me really respect his ability.
  - pjmorris 2y ago
    I was introduced to Dave Barry through his 'Year in Review' parody of the year's events (back when it came in print in the 'Tropic' magazine included in the Sunday Miami Herald.) I laughed and laughed, the way a Bill Bryson book might make you laugh. He once borrowed the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile [1] to pick his son up from school. And my wife is so used to my using one of his tropes, 'That would make a great name for a rock band', [2] that she has started predicting when I'm about to say it ('Feral chihuahuas' was the subject, but that's TMI.) [1] https://www.oscarmayer.com/wienermobile/ https://www.oscarmayer.com/wienermobile/ [2] https://www.davebarry.com/gg/rockband.html https://www.davebarry.com/gg/rockband.html
- dctoedt 2y ago
  > He's kind of doing a Dave Barry thing, right? I definitely see the resemblance.
dmoy 2y ago
His one about threat models[1] was hilarious and also scarily prescient. Specifically > If the Mossad wants your data, they’re going to use a drone to replace your cellphone with a piece of uranium that’s shaped like a cellphone, and when you die of tumors filled with tumors, they’re going to hold a press conference and say “It wasn’t us” as they wear t-shirts that say “IT WAS DEFINITELY US,” and then they’re going to buy all of your stuff at your estate sale so that they can directly look at the photos of your vacation instead of reading your insipid emails about them. Maybe not the "wants your data" part, but the whole pagers-are-actually-bombs thing. [1]This World of Ours, pdf: https://www.usenix.org/system/files/1401_08-12_mickens.pdf https://www.usenix.org/system/files/1401_08-12_mickens.pdf

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

isaacdl 2y ago

If you enjoy this essay, you might also enjoy another classic, "Typing the technical interview"[0] by Aphyr (a.k.a. Kyle Kingsbury, the person behind Jepsen[1] distributed systems tests.) [0] https://aphyr.com/posts/342-typing-the-technical-interview https://aphyr.com/posts/342-typing-the-technical-interview [1] https://jepsen.io/ https://jepsen.io/

CobrastanJorji 2y ago
Ah, I've never seen this, but I instantly related it to its predecessor, https://aphyr.com/posts/341-hexing-the-technical-interview https://aphyr.com/posts/341-hexing-the-technical-interview, which now I see is linked to and is by the same person. “Magic numbers.” You are, after all, a witch. “Every class begins with a babe, in a cafe.” I like writing that is still fun and interesting to read even when you don't understand what is being done, and then if you do understand what is being done, it's even more entertainingly weird.
dunham 2y ago
Therein I learned that "Haskell is a dynamically-typed, interpreted language". I've seen it said that Haskell type class resolution is essentially prolog, but this drives the point home well.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

thefaux 2y ago

> The systems programmer has read the kernel source, to better understand the deep ways of the universe, and the systems programmer has seen the comment in the scheduler that says “DOES THIS WORK LOL,” and the systems programmer has wept instead of LOLed Chef's kiss.

flir 2y ago
> Pointers are real. They’re what the hardware understands. Somebody has to deal with them. You can’t just place a LISP book on top of an x86 chip and hope that the hardware learns about lambda calculus by osmosis. Yessssss.
- p_l 2y ago
  meanwhile common lisp: "actually has concept of pointers, just called differently", "invites low-level assembly reading by integrating disassembler and compiler" :V

dang 2y ago

Related. Others? The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41219779 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=41219779 - Aug 2024 (1 comment) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34522845 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34522845 - Jan 2023 (35 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=19289353 - March 2019 (10 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16188538 - Jan 2018 (1 comment) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=13954077 - March 2017 (33 comments) The Night Watch [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12490689 - Sept 2016 (2 comments) The Night Watch (2013) [pdf] - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9671020 - June 2015 (21 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6741804 - Nov 2013 (3 comments) The Night Watch - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=6735980 - Nov 2013 (3 comments)

dnlserrano 2y ago

damn, so good

jcgrillo 2y ago

Another absolute gem: https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/tenure-announcement https://mickens.seas.harvard.edu/tenure-announcement

noamchompsit 2y ago

[flagged]

kbenson 2y ago

I'm horrible with names, so didn't recognize Mickens at first, but when I saw his picture on the paper I realized that I went through a binge of his public talks a few years back because he's such a great speaker. If you enjoy Bryan Cantrill giving talks, you'll like Mickens.

dataviz1000 2y ago

> I need to prepare for the end times, In the post apocalyptic world, what information do you take with you? A copy of wikipedia and a LLM? You get a laptop computer, maybe a 2023 macbook Pro m3, and find an array of solar panels. However, you lost your charger running from the radioactive zombies so you have to MacGyver it with 6 hours of charge left. What did you bring with you and how do you solve this?