5 ms·

I think I won't go to my parents funeral (when the time comes). I don't see the value of standing next to their corpses. I didn't go to my grandma funeral, I

• bowsamic 2y ago
  Can you really not think of the situation beyond your personal immediate material experience?
  • wvlia5 2y ago
    Think in what specifically, example? I don't see what else I should think of.
    • bowsamic 2y ago
      Socially, i.e. about other people?
      • wvlia5 2y ago
        A yes, but it's odd to me that other people want me to be at a funeral with them. If we have a great relationship, I can lend you money, share my house, get you a date, do some errands for you, take you to a party, listen to your thoughts and give you feedback. All valuable things I can do for you regardless of my funeral attendance. But just standing at a funeral? I don't see how is that valuable. Maybe for the chat, but we can have the chat anywhere else, like staring at the stars in a park, a superior setting. And if we don't have a good relationship, well, then it doesn't matter what you want.
        • bowsamic 2y ago
          Do you have a social disorder of some kind? I feel that to most humans this is just immediately obvious and socially natural
          • wvlia5 2y ago
            Maybe I do. Is it most? I don't know. And do most do it because their emotions and values give them this urge, or is it that they want to fit their social circle or comply with their cultural norms? I dont know
        • getnormality 2y ago
          Could you perhaps imagine a reason why a person asking you to come with them to a funeral might feel it is valuable to them that you come? Maybe they want to remember the deceased with you in a setting that is about remembering the deceased? Is that less valuable than wanting to go to a party together?
          • wvlia5 2y ago
            Oh, no if someone asks me to come I undertsand that it's important for them. So, I'd go to support my friend, but I'd keep feeling like I'm wasting my time. Just as if a friend asked my be go to their Mormon baptism.
            • deleted 2y ago
              [deleted]
            • bowsamic 2y ago
              Why would you feel like you’re wasting your time if you care about the person and it’s important to them?
• guappa 2y ago
  They are dead but the other people who attend aren't
  • liotier 2y ago
    Solidarity with the living is the whole point of the funeral.
    • slfnflctd 2y ago
      Well, you could argue that's most of the point. Remember, though, there are funerals where only one person attends. And publicly acknowledging one's loss - even if it only consists of going to a building with strangers and posting an obituary - can be one of the most important steps in processing grief for some people.
    • peppyh 2y ago
      It's certainly a large part of it. There was a recent Cantonese movie that featured this as one of the themes, it's well worth a watch. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Dance_(2024_film) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Dance_(2024_film)
    • circlefavshape 2y ago
      +1 You're showing the other grieving people that you care about them
  • Popeyes 2y ago
    I went to a friends mothers funeral to support him and to pay my respects. However, his brother who had a fractious relationship with his siblings did not. I can't tell you how many relatives viewed his absence negatively.
    • SoftTalker 2y ago
      That's a shame, I'd like to think I would not judge someone for their decisions on something like that, having not walked any miles in their shoes.
• mikedelfino 2y ago
  Assuming that your parents die separately, you being there will make it easier for the other parent still alive. The same goes for their relatives and friends attending the funeral. There's some comfort in seeing that the person was loved.
• jll29 2y ago
  Fix your points of regret while this is still possible. If you do so, you will find that very likely, you will want to go once successful.
  • wvlia5 2y ago
    I believe we got to a point where it's them who have the responsibility to do the fixing.
• bsuvc 2y ago
  It's not about you.
• deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
• astura 2y ago
  If being around corpses is your main objection, know that you don't have to have corpses in the room to have a memorial service.
• deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
• SoftTalker 2y ago
  Neither of my parents had a funeral. They both said they didn't want people coming in and looking at their dead body.
  • Merad 2y ago
    It's not about looking at the body (in my area at least, funerals usually don't even display the body), it's about grieving and mourning. Or supporting other people who are going through grief and mourning, even if you don't feel it very strongly yourself. My mom died of cancer about a month after lockdown started in 2020 so we couldn't have any kind of service, but we had a "celebration of life" a year later. I'm glad that we did.
    • SoftTalker 2y ago
      Well, they both said they didn't want any of that, so we didn't do it.
• person101x 2y ago
  If you're looking for personal value out of attending funerals, there's good evidence for psychological benefits to doing so. Grieving is hard. Humans are evolved to process negative emotions through complex rituals. Funerals are one of the most important rituals because death is extraordinarily traumatic and universal to all humans. Funerals aren't about saying goodbye to corpses. They're collective, complex rituals that aid the grieving process.