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The problem with dinner parties is that they only work if all attendees like each other equally. Any group of people talking at once will boil down to the lowes
by anal_reactor 2y ago
The problem with dinner parties is that they only work if all attendees like each other equally. Any group of people talking at once will boil down to the lowest common denominator, so one bad guest can easily ruin the whole event. Meanwhile during a pizza party it's okay to chat in a smaller group, which means that when you have a complex network of "A likes B but doesn't like C who is best friend of B", there's much higher chance of making it possible to somehow divide the guests into sensible subgroups.
- SoftTalker 2y agoWell that brings up another thing that we seem to have lost in society: how to be pleasant at a social event even if you don't like or find agreeable everyone else there.
- anal_reactor 2y agoOh, I can perfectly do this! Actually, I'm very good at this! It's just that after 8 hours of doing so for 5 days in a row, I don't have any more energy for that.
- wellix 2y agoDo you have any tips on how to perfectly coexist with disagreeable people?
- SoftTalker 2y agoIt sort of depends on a mutual politeness or the sense that a dinner party is not the time or place to bring up (or persist in discussing) something controversial. If someone insists on being an asshole and spoiling the event there's not a lot you can do, but it seems that more people used to have the social graces to not to spoil an event they were invited to, and would be embarassed if they did.
- mcsniff 2y agoConsider I, myself, might be disagreeable to others and they seem to perfectly coexist with me (so far). Every invitation to fight doesn't have to be accepted.
- lowbloodsugar 2y agoBeat poem about that fifth guest: https://youtu.be/eYJ60eWprlQ?si=VnWBdn-1iqJT3bOL https://youtu.be/eYJ60eWprlQ?si=VnWBdn-1iqJT3bOL
- anal_reactor 2y agoWell, it depends. If those people are willing to accept our differences, then I reciprocate, and we can be friends. I accommodate them, they accommodate me. But if gap is too big to be bridged (they have a completely different personality), or they don't want to reciprocate (they insist on doing things their way because obviously that's normal and better and everything) then I just stop caring, and treat them as necessary evil. Coworker is passionate about ruining a project and manager won't do anything about it? Not my problem, just make sure that my suggestions were written down and then rejected. I'm not paid to do engineering, I'm paid to put up with stupid people and office politics while doing minimal amount of engineering. Aunt feels the need to spread the word of Jesus? Well, looks like next time I won't make it to visit her, and if I absolutely need to because of complex family relationships, I'll just nod and smile while being mentally absent. At the same time, I refuse to spend my free time with people who challenge my patience. There's a clear distinction between professional/family me, and the leisure time me.
- jamiek88 2y agoYes. Adlerian philosophy. Start with the book ‘the courage to be disliked’ and work from there.
- nkrisc 2y agoBe polite, even if they’re not. Choose to ignore their bait and slights. Choose to not engage with their negativity, and only say what is necessary and nothing more. If they complain, whine, or speak ill of others, affirm that you see they’re upset, and move on. Anyone who has raised children ought to recognize these tactics.
- aksss 2y agoThe nice thing about dinner parties is that you can choose who to invite (and not invite).