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Dinner parties at someone's house are such a lost art. I'm going to use this winter to start to bring them back!

by rr808 2y ago

SoftTalker 2y ago
My parents used to host dinner parties. Actual sit-down dinners at a table with place settings, not pizza with paper plates. They are a lot of work, especially if you do the cooking yourself. I was pretty young and only remember them vaguely, but they stopped because nobody ever reciprocated.
- anal_reactor 2y ago
  The problem with dinner parties is that they only work if all attendees like each other equally. Any group of people talking at once will boil down to the lowest common denominator, so one bad guest can easily ruin the whole event. Meanwhile during a pizza party it's okay to chat in a smaller group, which means that when you have a complex network of "A likes B but doesn't like C who is best friend of B", there's much higher chance of making it possible to somehow divide the guests into sensible subgroups.
  - SoftTalker 2y ago
    Well that brings up another thing that we seem to have lost in society: how to be pleasant at a social event even if you don't like or find agreeable everyone else there.
    - anal_reactor 2y ago
      Oh, I can perfectly do this! Actually, I'm very good at this! It's just that after 8 hours of doing so for 5 days in a row, I don't have any more energy for that.
      - wellix 2y ago
        Do you have any tips on how to perfectly coexist with disagreeable people?
        SoftTalker 2y ago
        It sort of depends on a mutual politeness or the sense that a dinner party is not the time or place to bring up (or persist in discussing) something controversial. If someone insists on being an asshole and spoiling the event there's not a lot you can do, but it seems that more people used to have the social graces to not to spoil an event they were invited to, and would be embarassed if they did.
        mcsniff 2y ago
        Consider I, myself, might be disagreeable to others and they seem to perfectly coexist with me (so far). Every invitation to fight doesn't have to be accepted.
        lowbloodsugar 2y ago
        Beat poem about that fifth guest: https://youtu.be/eYJ60eWprlQ?si=VnWBdn-1iqJT3bOL https://youtu.be/eYJ60eWprlQ?si=VnWBdn-1iqJT3bOL
        anal_reactor 2y ago
        Well, it depends. If those people are willing to accept our differences, then I reciprocate, and we can be friends. I accommodate them, they accommodate me. But if gap is too big to be bridged (they have a completely different personality), or they don't want to reciprocate (they insist on doing things their way because obviously that's normal and better and everything) then I just stop caring, and treat them as necessary evil. Coworker is passionate about ruining a project and manager won't do anything about it? Not my problem, just make sure that my suggestions were written down and then rejected. I'm not paid to do engineering, I'm paid to put up with stupid people and office politics while doing minimal amount of engineering. Aunt feels the need to spread the word of Jesus? Well, looks like next time I won't make it to visit her, and if I absolutely need to because of complex family relationships, I'll just nod and smile while being mentally absent. At the same time, I refuse to spend my free time with people who challenge my patience. There's a clear distinction between professional/family me, and the leisure time me.
  - aksss 2y ago
    The nice thing about dinner parties is that you can choose who to invite (and not invite).
- etrautmann 2y ago
  Both are great! We love having people over for a nicely presented dinner or pizza. The import part is getting people together.
pessimizer 2y ago
People are still doing it with game nights: have dinner, then play a board/card game together (usually with drinks.) In the 50s, Bridge or Dominoes was a big married couple date. I'd like to see a revival of the old setup where everyone has dinner, then everybody in turn, individually and/or in groups, does a musical performance, poetry reading, or interesting lecture to entertain everyone else.
RangerScience 2y ago
Pro tip 1: Potluck! Cooking and organizing can be a lot of work. Pro tip 1a: Hot pot! You supply the pot and broth; guests bring the rest. Pro tip 2: The first one will be waaay harder; then it’ll get easier, as you get a track record and you don’t need to recruit (or “train”) guests; they’re already in and already trained :) Pro tip 3: They get easier, fast, as you both 1) get practice and 2) learn what doesn’t matter Pro tip 3: The first people to show up will ask to help; plan something for them to do (I do a make-a-pizza party; I have them grate the mozzarella)
- rolandog 2y ago
  Thanks for this! I hope to put it in practice soon!
Rendello 2y ago
I found "The Two-Hour Cocktail Party" on Hacker News, and the advice really resonated with me although I haven't had the opportunity to host yet. The author suggests doing a few of these cocktail parties before a dinner party, as he considers those to be advanced and quite stressful for someone not used to hosting. I have to agree, I read through it right after hosting a Thanksgiving dinner party that was a lot of fun, but was... trying. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32879851 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32879851
o11c 2y ago
Some variations: - Formal. Host does all the planning and provides all of the food. At most, some people help in the kitchen. - Informal. Don't use the good china or fancy napkins, might eat in the kitchen or living room. Often used before a game night or similar. - Collaboratively assigned. People are assigned a particular set of foods (bread, potatoes, etc.) to prepare (usually about 2 except for the host who might do more), common at holidays (usually formal in winter and informal in summer). - Semi-assigned. People are assigned general categories of what food (meat, side, salad, dessert) to prepare. Useful if the meal is for a group smaller than the chaotic-potluck threshold, or if you don't have a potluck culture ingrained. - Location. In a house? In a rented facility? In a public park, or at the beach? Sometimes "on your front lawn / in your back yard" is a reasonable answer.
globular-toast 2y ago
That's because everyone works for someone else these days. Back then more people (particularly women) worked for themselves, building their own wealth (house, social life, family etc) and their own expertise. Now everyone works for someone else, building someone else's wealth and becoming an expert in someone else's domain etc.

Dinner parties at someone's house are such a lost art. I'm going to use this winter to start to bring them back!

by rr808 2y ago

Dinner parties at someone's house are such a lost art. I'm going to use this winter to start to bring them back!

My parents used to host dinner parties. Actual sit-down dinners at a table with place settings, not pizza with paper plates. They are a lot of work, especially if you do the cooking yourself. I was pretty young and only remember them vaguely, but they stopped because nobody ever reciprocated.

anal_reactor 2y ago
The problem with dinner parties is that they only work if all attendees like each other equally. Any group of people talking at once will boil down to the lowest common denominator, so one bad guest can easily ruin the whole event. Meanwhile during a pizza party it's okay to chat in a smaller group, which means that when you have a complex network of "A likes B but doesn't like C who is best friend of B", there's much higher chance of making it possible to somehow divide the guests into sensible subgroups.
- SoftTalker 2y ago
  Well that brings up another thing that we seem to have lost in society: how to be pleasant at a social event even if you don't like or find agreeable everyone else there.
  - anal_reactor 2y ago
    Oh, I can perfectly do this! Actually, I'm very good at this! It's just that after 8 hours of doing so for 5 days in a row, I don't have any more energy for that.
    - wellix 2y ago
      Do you have any tips on how to perfectly coexist with disagreeable people?
      - SoftTalker 2y ago
        It sort of depends on a mutual politeness or the sense that a dinner party is not the time or place to bring up (or persist in discussing) something controversial. If someone insists on being an asshole and spoiling the event there's not a lot you can do, but it seems that more people used to have the social graces to not to spoil an event they were invited to, and would be embarassed if they did.
      - mcsniff 2y ago
        Consider I, myself, might be disagreeable to others and they seem to perfectly coexist with me (so far). Every invitation to fight doesn't have to be accepted.
      - lowbloodsugar 2y ago
        Beat poem about that fifth guest: https://youtu.be/eYJ60eWprlQ?si=VnWBdn-1iqJT3bOL https://youtu.be/eYJ60eWprlQ?si=VnWBdn-1iqJT3bOL
      - anal_reactor 2y ago
        Well, it depends. If those people are willing to accept our differences, then I reciprocate, and we can be friends. I accommodate them, they accommodate me. But if gap is too big to be bridged (they have a completely different personality), or they don't want to reciprocate (they insist on doing things their way because obviously that's normal and better and everything) then I just stop caring, and treat them as necessary evil. Coworker is passionate about ruining a project and manager won't do anything about it? Not my problem, just make sure that my suggestions were written down and then rejected. I'm not paid to do engineering, I'm paid to put up with stupid people and office politics while doing minimal amount of engineering. Aunt feels the need to spread the word of Jesus? Well, looks like next time I won't make it to visit her, and if I absolutely need to because of complex family relationships, I'll just nod and smile while being mentally absent. At the same time, I refuse to spend my free time with people who challenge my patience. There's a clear distinction between professional/family me, and the leisure time me.
- aksss 2y ago
  The nice thing about dinner parties is that you can choose who to invite (and not invite).
etrautmann 2y ago
Both are great! We love having people over for a nicely presented dinner or pizza. The import part is getting people together.

pessimizer 2y ago

People are still doing it with game nights: have dinner, then play a board/card game together (usually with drinks.) In the 50s, Bridge or Dominoes was a big married couple date. I'd like to see a revival of the old setup where everyone has dinner, then everybody in turn, individually and/or in groups, does a musical performance, poetry reading, or interesting lecture to entertain everyone else.

RangerScience 2y ago

Pro tip 1: Potluck! Cooking and organizing can be a lot of work. Pro tip 1a: Hot pot! You supply the pot and broth; guests bring the rest. Pro tip 2: The first one will be waaay harder; then it’ll get easier, as you get a track record and you don’t need to recruit (or “train”) guests; they’re already in and already trained :) Pro tip 3: They get easier, fast, as you both 1) get practice and 2) learn what doesn’t matter Pro tip 3: The first people to show up will ask to help; plan something for them to do (I do a make-a-pizza party; I have them grate the mozzarella)

rolandog 2y ago
Thanks for this! I hope to put it in practice soon!

Rendello 2y ago

I found "The Two-Hour Cocktail Party" on Hacker News, and the advice really resonated with me although I haven't had the opportunity to host yet. The author suggests doing a few of these cocktail parties before a dinner party, as he considers those to be advanced and quite stressful for someone not used to hosting. I have to agree, I read through it right after hosting a Thanksgiving dinner party that was a lot of fun, but was... trying. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32879851 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32879851

o11c 2y ago

Some variations: - Formal. Host does all the planning and provides all of the food. At most, some people help in the kitchen. - Informal. Don't use the good china or fancy napkins, might eat in the kitchen or living room. Often used before a game night or similar. - Collaboratively assigned. People are assigned a particular set of foods (bread, potatoes, etc.) to prepare (usually about 2 except for the host who might do more), common at holidays (usually formal in winter and informal in summer). - Semi-assigned. People are assigned general categories of what food (meat, side, salad, dessert) to prepare. Useful if the meal is for a group smaller than the chaotic-potluck threshold, or if you don't have a potluck culture ingrained. - Location. In a house? In a rented facility? In a public park, or at the beach? Sometimes "on your front lawn / in your back yard" is a reasonable answer.

globular-toast 2y ago

That's because everyone works for someone else these days. Back then more people (particularly women) worked for themselves, building their own wealth (house, social life, family etc) and their own expertise. Now everyone works for someone else, building someone else's wealth and becoming an expert in someone else's domain etc.