> The problem is that there is a difference between a call to improve yourself and a call to quit and find other work, you’re hopeless. I think it can also dep

> The problem is that there is a difference between a call to improve yourself and a call to quit and find other work, you’re hopeless. I think it can also depend on the attitude of the person who is being called. Depending on the perspective and frame of mind of the person reading the call, they might take a call for improvement and interpret it as a call to just give up and leave. That people will interpret one as the other is not always the fault of the poster; some people are just defensive, and some will end up publicly whining when called out that they are being defensive. Not to say people can't be assholes, but they can also read too much emotion and spite into things that have none. Also, and this may be a somewhat unpopular opinion, there is nothing wrong in making judgments and having strong opinions about things, be them people or ideas. Declaring in advance that things can't be ranked doesn't make it so, even if it leads to a period of forced harmony. > I judge others’ competencies, in my own mind if nothing else. It’s just that when I do, it always leaves me feeling dirty and antagonistic. It makes me protective over my own ideas and not a very good team player. This strikes me as conflating two discrete ideas. There is judging other peoples' competencies and ideas, and there is being prideful and protective of one's own. Either the latter is assumed to exist, or it is assumed to be implied by the former. I think this is wrong, and I think the assumption that it is true leads to more conflict than is necessary. That one thinks something to be true does not mean that they have to pridefully defend it. Be able to gracefully be proven wrong. Realize that the person is probably gauging your reaction to the argument presented as much as they are the statement you made that provoked the argument, possibly more so. A lot of times when I've witnessed programmers passing judgment, it was not the disagreement that caused the problem. It was the lack of humility in one, or both, of the parties involved. They either refused to accept good evidence reasonably presented, or they would whine about being a victim of a personal attack. I rarely see reasonable people being kicked to the curb, because usually they are reasonable about where they are wrong, and what their abilities and talents are.