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>Adaptive socialisation happens through conversation It's kinda tricky to start conversations with strangers in a world where everyone out in public has their

>Adaptive socialisation happens through conversation It's kinda tricky to start conversations with strangers in a world where everyone out in public has their Airpods in, in an effort to tune out everyone and everything around them, or in cultures where talking with strangers if frowned upon. For example, I'm trying to make new friends now in my 30's in a foreign country where everyone has their friends/cliques since childhood, and it's basically playing the game on ultra nightmare difficulty. I can see why a lot of people just give up and hermit themselves into their introvert hobbies and resort to para-social relationships with people online, as forced socialization consumes a lot of time and effort with next to no returns.

nightski 2y ago
I can guarantee you that it was just as hard before any technology developed in the last 20 years (mainly because I have lived before the era of smartphones). It might seem like the airpods are the issue, but they really aren't what gets in the way.
- Cumpiler69 2y ago
  > It might seem like the airpods are the issue, but they really aren't what gets in the way. You're missing the point. Airpods are not a core issue, but people insulating themselves audibly (and maybe soon visually if the Apple Vision Pro catches on) certainly doesn't help spark up random encounters with strangers in public.
  - verelo 2y ago
    I'd argue you might be missing the point. There was always something, airpods are just the current 'thing'. When I moved from Australia to Canada in 08 it took a solid 24 months to meet the people that are today still my friends. It was much harder than I expected...and more than once I almost gave up.
    - Cumpiler69 2y ago
      I doubt it. If things today were just as tough as they were 20 years ago, then we wouldn't be having such a massive loneliness and mental health epidemic. Sure, some of it is due to more awareness on mental health than in the past, but a lot of it is also due to things just being worse and more difficult.
      - inanutshellus 2y ago
        I'd say the "missing the point" thing is that you're complaining about how hard socialization in society is now, but the solution for our own loneliness is in ourselves. We don't need to fix others or society to fix the problem we see every day. As in - When you, the digital-first-lonely-guy, put away your phone and turn to the obviously-busy guy on his phone with earbuds in and doing super important socialdoomscroll work and you say "Hey, cool shoes!" suddenly it's not a problem anymore. Instantly. And it's never not been that way.
        wholinator2 2y ago
        Well yeah, to an extent. But i think the elders here are also relying on their experience in the before world to calibrate their "is this socially acceptible" meters. Young people have never seen a world where strangers spoke on public transport. They have seen media where young people think it's weird that random old's try to talk to them. They went to high school where every break between class was at least as much phone checking as speaking to any other person. They've been raised to think this is normal, so to them it's simply an obvious conclusion that speaking to other people is weird. Now, you're correct that if they just fucking did it, it'd _probably_ be fine. But what happens when they try to speak to their peers who scoff and ignore them? Or when every person they try to talk to simply can't hear them. Or when there simply isn't a place to go after school and chat, and all social interaction stands on phone organizing as a prerequisite. Yes, if they broke the seal on interpersonal interaction they'd see that almost everyone is actually positive and happy to speak and make friends. But that seal is getting harder and harder to break every day
  - gosub100 2y ago
    There's an employee at work and every time I've seen her she has a full headset on. Outside, inside, cafeteria, everywhere. There's something very off-putting about it, visually signalling that you are unwilling to communicate.
    - Cumpiler69 2y ago
      Exactly.
steveBK123 2y ago
> It's kinda tricky to start conversations with strangers in a world where everyone has their Airpods in in an effort to tune out everyone around them Yes & no. I think this speaks to the bubble most HN commenters live in. Step outside a VHCOL coastal city and the statement does not hold...
- Cumpiler69 2y ago
  >. Step outside a VHCOL coastal city and the statement does not hold... I don't live in any coastal city. I live in mainland Europe.

nightski 2y ago

I can guarantee you that it was just as hard before any technology developed in the last 20 years (mainly because I have lived before the era of smartphones). It might seem like the airpods are the issue, but they really aren't what gets in the way.

Cumpiler69 2y ago
> It might seem like the airpods are the issue, but they really aren't what gets in the way. You're missing the point. Airpods are not a core issue, but people insulating themselves audibly (and maybe soon visually if the Apple Vision Pro catches on) certainly doesn't help spark up random encounters with strangers in public.
- verelo 2y ago
  I'd argue you might be missing the point. There was always something, airpods are just the current 'thing'. When I moved from Australia to Canada in 08 it took a solid 24 months to meet the people that are today still my friends. It was much harder than I expected...and more than once I almost gave up.
  - Cumpiler69 2y ago
    I doubt it. If things today were just as tough as they were 20 years ago, then we wouldn't be having such a massive loneliness and mental health epidemic. Sure, some of it is due to more awareness on mental health than in the past, but a lot of it is also due to things just being worse and more difficult.
    - inanutshellus 2y ago
      I'd say the "missing the point" thing is that you're complaining about how hard socialization in society is now, but the solution for our own loneliness is in ourselves. We don't need to fix others or society to fix the problem we see every day. As in - When you, the digital-first-lonely-guy, put away your phone and turn to the obviously-busy guy on his phone with earbuds in and doing super important socialdoomscroll work and you say "Hey, cool shoes!" suddenly it's not a problem anymore. Instantly. And it's never not been that way.
      - wholinator2 2y ago
        Well yeah, to an extent. But i think the elders here are also relying on their experience in the before world to calibrate their "is this socially acceptible" meters. Young people have never seen a world where strangers spoke on public transport. They have seen media where young people think it's weird that random old's try to talk to them. They went to high school where every break between class was at least as much phone checking as speaking to any other person. They've been raised to think this is normal, so to them it's simply an obvious conclusion that speaking to other people is weird. Now, you're correct that if they just fucking did it, it'd _probably_ be fine. But what happens when they try to speak to their peers who scoff and ignore them? Or when every person they try to talk to simply can't hear them. Or when there simply isn't a place to go after school and chat, and all social interaction stands on phone organizing as a prerequisite. Yes, if they broke the seal on interpersonal interaction they'd see that almost everyone is actually positive and happy to speak and make friends. But that seal is getting harder and harder to break every day
- gosub100 2y ago
  There's an employee at work and every time I've seen her she has a full headset on. Outside, inside, cafeteria, everywhere. There's something very off-putting about it, visually signalling that you are unwilling to communicate.
  - Cumpiler69 2y ago
    Exactly.

steveBK123 2y ago

> It's kinda tricky to start conversations with strangers in a world where everyone has their Airpods in in an effort to tune out everyone around them Yes & no. I think this speaks to the bubble most HN commenters live in. Step outside a VHCOL coastal city and the statement does not hold...

Cumpiler69 2y ago
>. Step outside a VHCOL coastal city and the statement does not hold... I don't live in any coastal city. I live in mainland Europe.