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Abandoning lost causes can be one of the toughest but most freeing decisions in relationships. I once worked with a colleague who seemed completely resistant to
by eleveriven 2y ago
Abandoning lost causes can be one of the toughest but most freeing decisions in relationships. I once worked with a colleague who seemed completely resistant to collaboration. No matter how much I tried to engage or find common ground, they kept shutting down any attempt at teamwork. But one day, I realized I was investing so much energy into something that wasn’t going anywhere.
- bravetraveler 2y agoHaving been/am the other side this... they're probably relieved too. It can be counter-intuitive. Despite nature... there is potential for the desired outcome - with less pressure, honest [not forced] engagement. Personally, my apprehension comes from within. It's nothing to do with anything 'outside'. My water level is different, that's all. Most reasonable people feel overbearing - it's on me, not them.
- eleveriven 2y agoHmm, your analogy about water levels is so relatable. It captures how people’s capacity to engage can differ without it being anyone’s fault
- bravetraveler 2y agoThank you, indeed. I can't take much credit... I heard it somewhere and think on it too much. We all carry different amounts and it's not all visible :) This affects us differently when things are smooth, rocky, or even just changing. I have been exceedingly lucky so far to have mostly-cooperative environments, perhaps too much. I've been enabled to a few degrees
- tejaskumar_ 2y agoExactly! And there's billions of people on the planet—at some point, people meet people with similar water levels.
- alexpotato 2y ago> No matter how much I tried to engage or find common ground, they kept shutting down any attempt at teamwork. This reminds me of a story from when I was in business school. We were assigned groups for project work and it was very difficult if not impossible to transfer out of a group. This was by design b/c the point was to teach the students to deal with interpersonal issues and group dynamics. My friend was in a group with someone we will call Bob. Bob always showed up late, argued about every assignment, would debate for hours about why he couldn't do a task etc. Eventually, my friend just declared "task bankruptcy" with Bob and gave him no work to do. Why? He realized it was easier to give Bob nothing to do and just redistribute the tasks to the rest of the group versus trying to get Bob to do anything. I should add, it seems that Bob had some kind of special status with the school as he always showed up late to exams, was able to turn in work late etc. In closing, a lot of this is reminding me of the "CIA guide to corporate sabotage": https://www.corporate-rebels.com/blog/cia-field-manual https://www.corporate-rebels.com/blog/cia-field-manual
- tejaskumar_ 2y agoDid they consider kicking Bob out of the group?
- alexpotato 2y agoThis was highly discouraged as the whole point of the group projects was to teach how to deal with group dynamics.
- tejaskumar_ 2y agoIsn't a part of dealing with group dynamics though recognizing when there is harm in/to the group and removing it? (sorry)
- antisthenes 2y agoIf the whole point was to teach how to deal with group dynamics, then kicking Bob out should have been rewarded with an automatic 100% Grade. But since you mentioned "tasks", I assume there was actual work beyond chatting up your teammates. So your description is inaccurate.
- tejaskumar_ 2y agoThis, exactly. Glad this point came across clearly and power to you!
- blitzar 2y agohe's just not that into you
- tejaskumar_ 2y agothey're*