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First, consider that the culture of the city you're in can play a role https://www.paulgraham.com/cities.html https://www.paulgraham.com/cities.html But more th

First, consider that the culture of the city you're in can play a role https://www.paulgraham.com/cities.html https://www.paulgraham.com/cities.html But more than that, the neighborhood or whatever natural social circle you've found yourself in is that way, but it need not be that way with some extra digging into other subgroups of people around you. Second, consider your own behavior and whether it's not tech itself but another aspect that you're confusing with being in tech, simply because people are (annoyingly) too polite to tell you. In "tech" I find almost as much diversity of personalities and quirks than in the general population. I haven't personally experience what you're talking about, but that doesn't mean you're wrong. Perhaps the nearest neighbors that are lowest friction to socialize with aren't the best choice?

bradlys 2y ago
Every city has a culture and NYC especially does. That said, I find this disdain for tech workers to be universal in every city. Even in SFBA, it exists largely and tech workers themselves are self-loathing. I was always around people who were so critical of tech even in SFBA and thought I'd never meet people who hated tech and tech workers more... then I moved and realized most of society would prefer us to be dead than living. I didn't think people in tech were any weirder than the general population. Then I kept meeting infra engineers from big tech and I understood where the stigma came from. These folks make up the majority of engineers in big cities. You don't need thousands of engineers to work on the Instagram/FB app itself. You need thousands of engineers to make it scale to billions of users. There's always less openings for product engineers than there is for infra. My behaviors are pretty normal. When I avoid the conversation, I get a lot more good feedback and people at least in NYC assume I'm in finance or something. It's when they find out that I'm in tech that they really start to distance themselves. I've learned to avoid the conversation due to this.
- JohnFen 2y ago
  > My behaviors are pretty normal. In my experience, the thing that makes people wary isn't that they think you might be some sort of strange geek. It's that there's fairly widespread anger and fear over the effects that the tech industry has on society.
  - bradlys 2y ago
    Honestly, that's not the main feedback I get. They just don't like the low status associated with tech workers. They assume everyone in tech is a dweeb and everyone is very concerned with being around people they think are cool and importantly that others think are cool. I don't think the anger/fear thing is really much of an issue. If that was the case, all these finance bros would be getting hanged.
    - JohnFen 2y ago
      Ahh, then we're talking about different things entirely. I've never encountered an issue about social status, personally, so have no useful comments on that aspect, aside from guessing this is a problem with certain regional cultures or subcultures.
    - solardev 2y ago
      Do you have to hang around those people...? As far as I can tell, none of my friends or even acquaintances have ever judged me for "status", low or high. Or maybe they have without me knowing, but then they self-select out of my friend group anyway so it works out...? There are certainly people, orgs, social circles, etc. who don't care about your social status, income level, or any of that nonsense. They can be interest-based (some activity), values-based, cultural/subcultural, whatever. > everyone is very concerned with being around people they think are cool and importantly that others think are cool. Among adults, this really shouldn't be a thing after high school... Nobody is "cool" to everyone. People gather with people they like, doing things they enjoy together. It's not about trying to be cool and impressing the people who look down on you. Fuck them. Just find your own people around whom you can be yourself, they can be themselves, and everyone laughs and has a good time together. Then all the class differences and such melt away and you just learn to treasure each other as people, not as spreadsheet rows. Maybe finance bros just aren't your crowd. Who cares? Don't mingle with them and find people less judgmental and more interested in the same things you are.
- sabbaticaldev 2y ago
  > It's when they find out that I'm in tech that they really start to distance themselves is it? or is this what you’re fragile ego tells you in the moments of rejection? have in mind that your standing is causing a big rejection among other be ppl working in tech so there is more to it, mainly your own behavior > I didn't think people in tech were any weirder than the general population not all of us, but some yes. You might benefit from some self awareness

bradlys 2y ago

Every city has a culture and NYC especially does. That said, I find this disdain for tech workers to be universal in every city. Even in SFBA, it exists largely and tech workers themselves are self-loathing. I was always around people who were so critical of tech even in SFBA and thought I'd never meet people who hated tech and tech workers more... then I moved and realized most of society would prefer us to be dead than living. I didn't think people in tech were any weirder than the general population. Then I kept meeting infra engineers from big tech and I understood where the stigma came from. These folks make up the majority of engineers in big cities. You don't need thousands of engineers to work on the Instagram/FB app itself. You need thousands of engineers to make it scale to billions of users. There's always less openings for product engineers than there is for infra. My behaviors are pretty normal. When I avoid the conversation, I get a lot more good feedback and people at least in NYC assume I'm in finance or something. It's when they find out that I'm in tech that they really start to distance themselves. I've learned to avoid the conversation due to this.

JohnFen 2y ago
> My behaviors are pretty normal. In my experience, the thing that makes people wary isn't that they think you might be some sort of strange geek. It's that there's fairly widespread anger and fear over the effects that the tech industry has on society.
- bradlys 2y ago
  Honestly, that's not the main feedback I get. They just don't like the low status associated with tech workers. They assume everyone in tech is a dweeb and everyone is very concerned with being around people they think are cool and importantly that others think are cool. I don't think the anger/fear thing is really much of an issue. If that was the case, all these finance bros would be getting hanged.
  - JohnFen 2y ago
    Ahh, then we're talking about different things entirely. I've never encountered an issue about social status, personally, so have no useful comments on that aspect, aside from guessing this is a problem with certain regional cultures or subcultures.
  - solardev 2y ago
    Do you have to hang around those people...? As far as I can tell, none of my friends or even acquaintances have ever judged me for "status", low or high. Or maybe they have without me knowing, but then they self-select out of my friend group anyway so it works out...? There are certainly people, orgs, social circles, etc. who don't care about your social status, income level, or any of that nonsense. They can be interest-based (some activity), values-based, cultural/subcultural, whatever. > everyone is very concerned with being around people they think are cool and importantly that others think are cool. Among adults, this really shouldn't be a thing after high school... Nobody is "cool" to everyone. People gather with people they like, doing things they enjoy together. It's not about trying to be cool and impressing the people who look down on you. Fuck them. Just find your own people around whom you can be yourself, they can be themselves, and everyone laughs and has a good time together. Then all the class differences and such melt away and you just learn to treasure each other as people, not as spreadsheet rows. Maybe finance bros just aren't your crowd. Who cares? Don't mingle with them and find people less judgmental and more interested in the same things you are.
sabbaticaldev 2y ago
> It's when they find out that I'm in tech that they really start to distance themselves is it? or is this what you’re fragile ego tells you in the moments of rejection? have in mind that your standing is causing a big rejection among other be ppl working in tech so there is more to it, mainly your own behavior > I didn't think people in tech were any weirder than the general population not all of us, but some yes. You might benefit from some self awareness