5 ms·

This is an incredibly scary description of how I went through college and high school. Every time someone did better than me I thought "well, they didn't stay u

by far33d 18y ago

This is an incredibly scary description of how I went through college and high school. Every time someone did better than me I thought "well, they didn't stay up every night of this week doing drugs" or "if I studied I would have done way better" or "I coded a one month assignment in 3 days, so what if I didn't do the extra credit". I managed to still be pretty successful, but now find myself frustrated with the easy choices I made. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized the value of success and failure (and the necessity of failure in big successes). Unfortunately, now I'm a bit older and some of the benefits of youth are gone, making it tougher to take huge risks, but I am doing it anyway, because I'm so resentful of all the self-handicapping I did throughout my youth. It's a big part of why I decided to join a startup and leave a cushy big company job (that was actually pretty fun some of the time) - in a startup, you might just fail even if you do a great job, but you're sure to learn a ton. No startup exists without feeling like it's going to die at some point, and I felt like I couldn't push through this self-handicapping without experiencing near failure and pushing through it.

fizx 18y ago
This has me wondering if doing a startup is (often) itself a form of self-handicapping. You can always claim you had brilliant performance, but failed due to the impossible odds. Food for introspection.
- kirse 18y ago
  You can always claim you had brilliant performance, but failed due to the impossible odds. Where do we draw the line between making an excuse and being optimistic? You might do the absolute best you can but the timing just wasn't right. As long as you've acted with character, integrity, and have done the best you can, there's nothing wrong with being internally optimistic while publicly admitting failure -- all while maintaining a genuine sense of self-esteem. On the other hand, the time I often make excuses to others is when I know I've made a mistake with moral or character implications. A business failing has nothing to do with my personal character, nor does the failure (hopefully) show me as someone with lower standards of morality.
- emmett 18y ago
  I find the opposite is true. At a big company I could always tell myself "In the end, you're not making the decisions. It's not on your head if it doesn't work". Working at a startup, either I succeed or I fail, but there aren't any excuses unless you literally get hit by a bus.
daniel-cussen 18y ago
Yeah, this happened to me in Middle School and High School. When a girl did better than I did (I must admit it was a sexist attitude), I asked myself "Oh no, but I'm still smarter, right?" In Middle School, there was an excuse. In High School, the answer was "No. She's smarter than you are. Deal with it." I got better results then.
- alex_c 18y ago
  I think one of the best things that has ever happened to me was running into people at university who were unquestionably, irrevocably smarter than me.
  - daniel-cussen 18y ago
    I take it on faith that there are people who are much smarter than I am, but I'm still waiting for conclusive proof. I'm taking physics and math this quarter, so this may change.
    - brandnewlow 18y ago
      You owe it to yourself to seek out and find these people who are smarter than you. You must do this. Go find them. Confirm. Then go back to working your tail off.
yargseiks 18y ago
It's funny, I was just thinking about this a few days ago, and it's been on my mind for a while. I went through my entire school life not exerting significant effort but mostly "succeeding" anyway; I could cram for a test the same day and still ace it. I was never at the top of my class, but I was always in the top ten. Even then, I realized that there was something wrong; I found it easy to get good grades, but because of that there was little to motivate me to really excel or do something extraordinary, so I never seriously tried. My first dream (the one I've had since grade school) was to be a writer, and I told myself that I would finish my first novel at the age of 14. Ten years later, I haven't completed it. People make excuses to others, but mostly we make them to ourselves; I adjusted and re-adjusted that deadline in my mind until it became meaningless. Similarly, I've entered contests and things, but usually procrastinated and didn't really put a whole lot of effort into whatever I did. I realize now that, yes, those were mostly just excuses. I sort of regret it now, and I'm seeing the repercussions of my not having any self-discipline and real drive. It's too easy to get into the "good enough" rut, as I think I'm currently doing even now that I'm working. I do fine as a programmer, and my current developments are easy enough that I can still deliver good work even though I do things at the last minute, but really, it's shades of high school and college all over again and I really need to stop. I would like to get out, though, and I suppose actually trying something out on my own and owning up to the risk of failure is a good idea. And yet, I still have no idea where (or what) to start. I wish epiphanies came as freely and as conveniently as excuses, but then that would miss the point, no? /rant

by far33d 18y ago

fizx 18y ago

This has me wondering if doing a startup is (often) itself a form of self-handicapping. You can always claim you had brilliant performance, but failed due to the impossible odds. Food for introspection.

kirse 18y ago
You can always claim you had brilliant performance, but failed due to the impossible odds. Where do we draw the line between making an excuse and being optimistic? You might do the absolute best you can but the timing just wasn't right. As long as you've acted with character, integrity, and have done the best you can, there's nothing wrong with being internally optimistic while publicly admitting failure -- all while maintaining a genuine sense of self-esteem. On the other hand, the time I often make excuses to others is when I know I've made a mistake with moral or character implications. A business failing has nothing to do with my personal character, nor does the failure (hopefully) show me as someone with lower standards of morality.
emmett 18y ago
I find the opposite is true. At a big company I could always tell myself "In the end, you're not making the decisions. It's not on your head if it doesn't work". Working at a startup, either I succeed or I fail, but there aren't any excuses unless you literally get hit by a bus.

daniel-cussen 18y ago

Yeah, this happened to me in Middle School and High School. When a girl did better than I did (I must admit it was a sexist attitude), I asked myself "Oh no, but I'm still smarter, right?" In Middle School, there was an excuse. In High School, the answer was "No. She's smarter than you are. Deal with it." I got better results then.

alex_c 18y ago
I think one of the best things that has ever happened to me was running into people at university who were unquestionably, irrevocably smarter than me.
- daniel-cussen 18y ago
  I take it on faith that there are people who are much smarter than I am, but I'm still waiting for conclusive proof. I'm taking physics and math this quarter, so this may change.
  - brandnewlow 18y ago
    You owe it to yourself to seek out and find these people who are smarter than you. You must do this. Go find them. Confirm. Then go back to working your tail off.

yargseiks 18y ago

It's funny, I was just thinking about this a few days ago, and it's been on my mind for a while. I went through my entire school life not exerting significant effort but mostly "succeeding" anyway; I could cram for a test the same day and still ace it. I was never at the top of my class, but I was always in the top ten. Even then, I realized that there was something wrong; I found it easy to get good grades, but because of that there was little to motivate me to really excel or do something extraordinary, so I never seriously tried. My first dream (the one I've had since grade school) was to be a writer, and I told myself that I would finish my first novel at the age of 14. Ten years later, I haven't completed it. People make excuses to others, but mostly we make them to ourselves; I adjusted and re-adjusted that deadline in my mind until it became meaningless. Similarly, I've entered contests and things, but usually procrastinated and didn't really put a whole lot of effort into whatever I did. I realize now that, yes, those were mostly just excuses. I sort of regret it now, and I'm seeing the repercussions of my not having any self-discipline and real drive. It's too easy to get into the "good enough" rut, as I think I'm currently doing even now that I'm working. I do fine as a programmer, and my current developments are easy enough that I can still deliver good work even though I do things at the last minute, but really, it's shades of high school and college all over again and I really need to stop. I would like to get out, though, and I suppose actually trying something out on my own and owning up to the risk of failure is a good idea. And yet, I still have no idea where (or what) to start. I wish epiphanies came as freely and as conveniently as excuses, but then that would miss the point, no? /rant