4 ms·

For some, home is where the heart is. I've lived in 11 major cities around the world for the past 25 years, but in the end I moved back home to my rural hometo

For some, home is where the heart is. I've lived in 11 major cities around the world for the past 25 years, but in the end I moved back home to my rural hometown, in my home country. Remote work made that possible. I make probably 20% of what I could have done in high-COL areas like the Bay Area. But I have a fantastic work-life balance. Make good money, relative to my peers. Clock in 9, clock out 4. Get to spend lots of time on my hobbies, never work any weekends. Live in a peaceful place with zero crime, everything is a 5 min walk from my home. Hiking trail is practically 50m from my doorstep. Family and friends live close by. I did spend some time fighting FOMO of not living in a big city, which held me back from moving home - but COVID kind of accelerated that decision. With that said, I always say to younger people that they should try to move out in their 20s-30s, see the world. I've never met anyone that regretted on "traveling too much".

david-gpu 2y ago
> I've never met anyone that regretted on "traveling too much". And yet you eventually decided that it wasn't for you and you chose to go back home. There are pros and cons to all possibilities, whether it is staying put, traveling as a tourist, or immigrating in a foreign country. People rarely grasp the true costs of immigrating until it is too late -- I've seen several remarkably similar examples.
- viraptor 2y ago
  They didn't say they traveled too much. Deciding to stop something doesn't mean you overdid it.
  - david-gpu 2y ago
    > They didn't say they traveled too much. Indeed, that is my point: their actions did not march their narrative. They eventually realized that it wasn't all that great and corrected course. If being abroad was such a universally positive choice as they claim, they would have remained abroad.
    - viraptor 2y ago
      "move out in their 20s-30s, see the world" does not mean "move abroad permanently". The author also didn't say it wasn't great, just that they prefered home.
      - david-gpu 2y ago
        Look, I speak from my own experience and what I have seen in others: young people being told that moving abroad is such a great experience and all that. The reality is that most of those people who move abroad hoping for a better future do not understand what they are really getting into -- I know I didn't. In other words, I am trying to kindly offer a more nuanced take on what moving abroad entails. Not everybody is willing to admit that their past decisions had downsides -- we all want to make it look like we are successful and in charge of our lives. Our actions speak louder.
        yen223 2y ago
        It is much better that the young person tries it and decides it's not for them, than for the young person to never try and to have that doubt gnawing at them for the rest of their life.
        david-gpu 2y ago
        And why would that doubt be gnawing at them for the rest of their life? Do you think it is possible that all the rah-rah "moving abroad is great" messaging could have something to do with it? Moving abroad is often a choice. Moving back can be a lot harder once you have a spouse and children.
        yen223 2y ago
        The doubt comes from not knowing. Not knowing if a different life choice 20 years ago would have made them happier now, because they never tried. If they gave it a go and it didn't work out, then they know, and they would have plenty of time to course-correct. There wouldn't be any doubt.
- tjah1087 2y ago
  “Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” ― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
  - david-gpu 2y ago
    That assumes that you come back. What happens most commonly is that after some time abroad you marry (usually a foreigner) and have children who belong where they were born. What now? I speak from experience. I wish people would pause for a moment before universally recommending something that they either have not experienced, or they have gotten away from. Such as Terry Pratchett, who never even lived abroad!
    - grugagag 2y ago
      Two options the kids could adapt to. One of the partners will have to make a concession too but if it’s for the overall better health of the family it’s worth it IMO. Whats the point to live an unhealthy life?
      - david-gpu 2y ago
        There are no universally positive options, only tradeoffs. That is the theme I've been trying to convey in this thread from the beginning, fighting against the simplistic memes that are so often repeated about living abroad.
    - notyourwork 2y ago
      It seems odd to me that you are speaking as if your choices are not decisions you have to own the consequence of. You get married, you have kids, you made those choices but refuse to acknowledge that.
      - david-gpu 2y ago
        > It seems odd to me that you are speaking as if your choices are not decisions you have to own the consequence of. You get married, you have kids, you made those choices but refuse to acknowledge that. Where did I refuse to acknowledge that, exactly? Our choices indeed have consequences. And it is popular to paint "moving abroad" as a universally positive experience, so I want to counterbalance that with information about some of the common real-world consequences that come with that choice. How is adding some information and nuance a problem?
- qmmmur 2y ago
  He never said he regretted it?
eleveriven 2y ago
It’s great that you’ve found a balance that works for you! Your journey speaks to the power of finding harmony between personal well-being and career success
PrismCrystal 2y ago
"I've never met anyone that regretted on 'traveling too much'." I have traveled as lifestyle since my late teens and am now in my forties. (I went to uni in a country where lecture attendance isn't compulsory, so many students only come in for the exams, and then I began remote work already in the early millennium.) It is just who I am, and I wouldn't necessarily say I regret it. However, I and loads of people I know struggle with the negative consequences: inability to maintain romantic relationships since a partner will inevitably want to settle down; difficulties with connecting with the local people because conservative societies are suspicious of older men who don't have a conventional family life or focus on a career; and mutual frustration with your sedentary friends back home since your lives are now so different. You don't see this discussed much on travel media, because the modern ad-supported internet wants positivity and rainbows. However, this is absolutely a frequent conversation topic whenever I meet up with other nomadic travelers.
- red-iron-pine 2y ago
  yeah glad I did a lot of travel post-military, had some adventures. but it also won't fix your life, and in many cases just punts the problems to be solved later -- while usually creating new ones.
- davidguetta 2y ago
  > You don't see this discussed much on travel media, because the modern ad-supported internet wants positivity and rainbows. However, this is absolutely a frequent conversation topic whenever I meet up with other nomadic travelers.0 I don't know it always seemed an obvious drawback of digital nomading. You can do this 2 years and then you need some stability. However the positivs of a 2 year DN stunt are great
- EasyMark 2y ago
  Thanks for sharing. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve never been a world wide vagabond but I have lived all over the US and Mexico, and I ended up moving back to a place I loved and don’t plan on leaving. I have had so many friends, but my best friends are still my family and close friends from college and highschool. I choose to put down roots, and don’t regret it at all, and there are definite consequences of moving around, especially if you’re not a type A personality who easily makes friends.
iwontberude 2y ago
In the bay area, most people I know only work in the office three days a week (working sparingly on the other two days) and they come in at 10am and leave at 3pm. Never work weekends etc. Crime is low in South Bay. Most amazing trails and mountains right near home for hiking, riding, and driving. All of this while making enough to buy a house and go vacationing. COL is completely dwarfed by the pay. West coast work ethic is very chill compared to midwest or east coast -- part of the reason I avoid those places.
- bradlys 2y ago
  You might have a serious amount of selection bias going on. People in SV definitely work much harder than those in NYC. I routinely had to work at 2AM and had many coworkers who were doing the same. We'd show up at the office at 9-10AM and then work until 6-7PM then go home and work more and work weekends as well. It was very common from small seed stage to FAANG. PIPs, stack ranking, and backstabbing psychopaths wouldn't be commonplace in SV if it wasn't for all the H1B indentured servants.

david-gpu 2y ago

> I've never met anyone that regretted on "traveling too much". And yet you eventually decided that it wasn't for you and you chose to go back home. There are pros and cons to all possibilities, whether it is staying put, traveling as a tourist, or immigrating in a foreign country. People rarely grasp the true costs of immigrating until it is too late -- I've seen several remarkably similar examples.

viraptor 2y ago
They didn't say they traveled too much. Deciding to stop something doesn't mean you overdid it.
- david-gpu 2y ago
  > They didn't say they traveled too much. Indeed, that is my point: their actions did not march their narrative. They eventually realized that it wasn't all that great and corrected course. If being abroad was such a universally positive choice as they claim, they would have remained abroad.
  - viraptor 2y ago
    "move out in their 20s-30s, see the world" does not mean "move abroad permanently". The author also didn't say it wasn't great, just that they prefered home.
    - david-gpu 2y ago
      Look, I speak from my own experience and what I have seen in others: young people being told that moving abroad is such a great experience and all that. The reality is that most of those people who move abroad hoping for a better future do not understand what they are really getting into -- I know I didn't. In other words, I am trying to kindly offer a more nuanced take on what moving abroad entails. Not everybody is willing to admit that their past decisions had downsides -- we all want to make it look like we are successful and in charge of our lives. Our actions speak louder.
      - yen223 2y ago
        It is much better that the young person tries it and decides it's not for them, than for the young person to never try and to have that doubt gnawing at them for the rest of their life.
        david-gpu 2y ago
        And why would that doubt be gnawing at them for the rest of their life? Do you think it is possible that all the rah-rah "moving abroad is great" messaging could have something to do with it? Moving abroad is often a choice. Moving back can be a lot harder once you have a spouse and children.
        yen223 2y ago
        The doubt comes from not knowing. Not knowing if a different life choice 20 years ago would have made them happier now, because they never tried. If they gave it a go and it didn't work out, then they know, and they would have plenty of time to course-correct. There wouldn't be any doubt.
tjah1087 2y ago
“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” ― Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky
- david-gpu 2y ago
  That assumes that you come back. What happens most commonly is that after some time abroad you marry (usually a foreigner) and have children who belong where they were born. What now? I speak from experience. I wish people would pause for a moment before universally recommending something that they either have not experienced, or they have gotten away from. Such as Terry Pratchett, who never even lived abroad!
  - grugagag 2y ago
    Two options the kids could adapt to. One of the partners will have to make a concession too but if it’s for the overall better health of the family it’s worth it IMO. Whats the point to live an unhealthy life?
    - david-gpu 2y ago
      There are no universally positive options, only tradeoffs. That is the theme I've been trying to convey in this thread from the beginning, fighting against the simplistic memes that are so often repeated about living abroad.
  - notyourwork 2y ago
    It seems odd to me that you are speaking as if your choices are not decisions you have to own the consequence of. You get married, you have kids, you made those choices but refuse to acknowledge that.
    - david-gpu 2y ago
      > It seems odd to me that you are speaking as if your choices are not decisions you have to own the consequence of. You get married, you have kids, you made those choices but refuse to acknowledge that. Where did I refuse to acknowledge that, exactly? Our choices indeed have consequences. And it is popular to paint "moving abroad" as a universally positive experience, so I want to counterbalance that with information about some of the common real-world consequences that come with that choice. How is adding some information and nuance a problem?
qmmmur 2y ago
He never said he regretted it?

eleveriven 2y ago

It’s great that you’ve found a balance that works for you! Your journey speaks to the power of finding harmony between personal well-being and career success

PrismCrystal 2y ago

"I've never met anyone that regretted on 'traveling too much'." I have traveled as lifestyle since my late teens and am now in my forties. (I went to uni in a country where lecture attendance isn't compulsory, so many students only come in for the exams, and then I began remote work already in the early millennium.) It is just who I am, and I wouldn't necessarily say I regret it. However, I and loads of people I know struggle with the negative consequences: inability to maintain romantic relationships since a partner will inevitably want to settle down; difficulties with connecting with the local people because conservative societies are suspicious of older men who don't have a conventional family life or focus on a career; and mutual frustration with your sedentary friends back home since your lives are now so different. You don't see this discussed much on travel media, because the modern ad-supported internet wants positivity and rainbows. However, this is absolutely a frequent conversation topic whenever I meet up with other nomadic travelers.

red-iron-pine 2y ago
yeah glad I did a lot of travel post-military, had some adventures. but it also won't fix your life, and in many cases just punts the problems to be solved later -- while usually creating new ones.
davidguetta 2y ago
> You don't see this discussed much on travel media, because the modern ad-supported internet wants positivity and rainbows. However, this is absolutely a frequent conversation topic whenever I meet up with other nomadic travelers.0 I don't know it always seemed an obvious drawback of digital nomading. You can do this 2 years and then you need some stability. However the positivs of a 2 year DN stunt are great
EasyMark 2y ago
Thanks for sharing. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’ve never been a world wide vagabond but I have lived all over the US and Mexico, and I ended up moving back to a place I loved and don’t plan on leaving. I have had so many friends, but my best friends are still my family and close friends from college and highschool. I choose to put down roots, and don’t regret it at all, and there are definite consequences of moving around, especially if you’re not a type A personality who easily makes friends.

iwontberude 2y ago

In the bay area, most people I know only work in the office three days a week (working sparingly on the other two days) and they come in at 10am and leave at 3pm. Never work weekends etc. Crime is low in South Bay. Most amazing trails and mountains right near home for hiking, riding, and driving. All of this while making enough to buy a house and go vacationing. COL is completely dwarfed by the pay. West coast work ethic is very chill compared to midwest or east coast -- part of the reason I avoid those places.

bradlys 2y ago
You might have a serious amount of selection bias going on. People in SV definitely work much harder than those in NYC. I routinely had to work at 2AM and had many coworkers who were doing the same. We'd show up at the office at 9-10AM and then work until 6-7PM then go home and work more and work weekends as well. It was very common from small seed stage to FAANG. PIPs, stack ranking, and backstabbing psychopaths wouldn't be commonplace in SV if it wasn't for all the H1B indentured servants.