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I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" several years ago and the "it's about them" thing really stuck with me. People really do like to talk about the
by codelikeawolf 2y ago
I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" several years ago and the "it's about them" thing really stuck with me. People really do like to talk about themselves, and that makes parties much easier if you have social anxiety. I love listening to people talk about their interests, because I always learn something and I can form a positive connection with someone new (even if their interests aren't really up my alley). It also has the added benefit of being able to make a good impression on someone without exhausting your social batteries.
- josefresco 2y agoBeing conscious of this (that people like to talk about themselves) also sometimes give me anxiety when the person with whom I'm conversing asks a lot about me. While I'm happy to answer, after a few responses I start to get worried I'm talking to much. I'm never sure if they want a non-response like "good" or if they want a "real" response that involves detail.
- malux85 2y agoCollect more data and decide in realtime. Start giving them the detail mixed with humour if you can - and read their body language.
- camtarn 2y agoFor some things you can actively ask "okay so I'm really into this topic and I'll happily talk your ear off all night - do you want the quick summary or the in depth version?" :)
- fii 2y agoI love this strategy until I run into someone else who’s read it. Then it’s just two people wait()ing each other.
- codelikeawolf 2y agoAh yes, conversational deadlock. The best way to release the lock is to say you need to go to the bathroom. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.
- m463 2y agoJust be curious about the other person and go from there.
- camtarn 2y agoThat's when turn-taking kicks in. A nice conversation might have multiple sections, and the person doing most of the talking can alternate between sections.
- 486sx33 2y agoThen you turn to a different strategy, selling yourself, or self promotion. It’s not as volatile as nostalgia, you can always go there too. I used to network with BNC! (Touches both, quickly.)
- jakupovic 2y agoThis also gets tiring after you learn that people don't stop talking about themselves and there is no turn for anything else. It's simply a game described as: "I'm playing the social interaction game where I do best, for the others, when they talk about themselves and I'm listening"
- ProllyInfamous 2y agoAs someone blessed/cursed with the gift of gab, I always enjoy when people interrupt me (particularly when they direct the conversation, curious about my thoughts on everything; I am not an engineer, but love their factual approach to assertiveness).