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This seems super weird, like a description on how to eat that goes into great detail about food color and smell and how much to put into the mouth exactly then

This seems super weird, like a description on how to eat that goes into great detail about food color and smell and how much to put into the mouth exactly then describing the act of chewing as a deliberate movement like learning to golf or something. So I guess I am not very autistic. It is a good article though if the basic act of talking to other people Is mysterious to you. I was hoping more of some insight about how to mingle at a max level place like: you on day two in the evening of a conference and everybody knows each other already. People are in deep conversations and you got about 30 minutes to find someone to have dinner with or you will eat alone and not socialize.

iluvcommunism 2y ago
I think eye contact is key. Usually people avoid eye contact with people they don’t want to associate with. I’m not very sociable myself, and in your case I probably would be eating alone on default. But I have found when people match eye contact and have any semblance of similarity in interest it’s not too bad getting along.
- nasmorn 2y ago
  I managed to queue for the provided foosball table and from there it was easy to get the snowball rolling. First 10 minutes before I had that idea were rough though. I was just wandering the hall, seeing if I knew anyone from any context
- troyvit 2y ago
  Man there's nothing like finding a restaurant off the strip, ordering a bottle of wine and a big meal, and just eating and drinking and reading a book for 2 hours while your co-workers are crammed around a 16 person table in a noisy restaurant bar yelling across dinner about KPIs.
stephenbez 2y ago
I found the book “Never Eat Alone” to be what you are looking for. It has a whole section on how to be a conference commando.
graybeardhacker 2y ago
If this article seems super weird to you it's possible that's because you are naturally adept at socializing. For many neuro-atypical folks, remedial socialization requires tons of cognitive focus. It's why some people find social activities exhausting.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- matrix87 2y ago
  > that's because you are naturally adept at socializing People can be bad at socializing for a number of reasons. if you're depressed it can feel like just thinking that everyone hates you and never reaching out At least for me it gets easier when you don't think, but this guy is giving the opposite advice I'm sure this advice might be useful to some people but it's probably the opposite of useful for many others
  - cassianoleal 2y ago
    > I'm sure this advice might be useful to some people but it's probably the opposite of useful for many others This is probably true of any advice.
raelming 2y ago
Here I was thinking in the opposite direction. That it kind of skipped step 0. Why should we want to socialize, why should we care to? Wasn't the work day enough interaction with other humans for one day and why should we feel a need to seek more? I'm not very social lol
- tartoran 2y ago
  > Here I was thinking in the opposite direction. That it kind of skipped step 0. Why should we want to socialize, why should we care to? Wasn't the work day enough interaction with other humans for one day and why should we feel a need to seek more? I'm not very social lol What you do at work (in offices mainly) is also socializing and for those who have a hard time doing it these bullet points could help somewhat. Nobody can force you to socialize but you basically stop existing for other people if you don't play that game at least from time to time. I am introverted by default but do force myself to socialize at work because it does pay off to some extent. I do find it taxing and depleting on my energy so I limit it socializing to smaller settings. In large settings I simply cannot function for more than 30 minutes unless I poison myself with alcohol. I've had more isolated stretches in my past and socializing had become very hard so the silver lining is that the more you do it the easier it becomes, you may even enjoy it in limited amounts. Also breaking the comfort zone is not pleasant but does open you up for other things.
ranger207 2y ago
Personally this was very useful for me. I struggle with social anxiety precisely because I'm always worried I'm doing these sorts of very basic actions wrong, and tend to hang up when I need to figure out the next question to ask in a conversation. Yeah, my therapist says I don't need to worry about it, but it's tough for me to go into any situation without being overprepared, so this is helpful for me

iluvcommunism 2y ago

I think eye contact is key. Usually people avoid eye contact with people they don’t want to associate with. I’m not very sociable myself, and in your case I probably would be eating alone on default. But I have found when people match eye contact and have any semblance of similarity in interest it’s not too bad getting along.

nasmorn 2y ago
I managed to queue for the provided foosball table and from there it was easy to get the snowball rolling. First 10 minutes before I had that idea were rough though. I was just wandering the hall, seeing if I knew anyone from any context
troyvit 2y ago
Man there's nothing like finding a restaurant off the strip, ordering a bottle of wine and a big meal, and just eating and drinking and reading a book for 2 hours while your co-workers are crammed around a 16 person table in a noisy restaurant bar yelling across dinner about KPIs.

stephenbez 2y ago

I found the book “Never Eat Alone” to be what you are looking for. It has a whole section on how to be a conference commando.

graybeardhacker 2y ago

If this article seems super weird to you it's possible that's because you are naturally adept at socializing. For many neuro-atypical folks, remedial socialization requires tons of cognitive focus. It's why some people find social activities exhausting.

deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
matrix87 2y ago
> that's because you are naturally adept at socializing People can be bad at socializing for a number of reasons. if you're depressed it can feel like just thinking that everyone hates you and never reaching out At least for me it gets easier when you don't think, but this guy is giving the opposite advice I'm sure this advice might be useful to some people but it's probably the opposite of useful for many others
- cassianoleal 2y ago
  > I'm sure this advice might be useful to some people but it's probably the opposite of useful for many others This is probably true of any advice.

raelming 2y ago

Here I was thinking in the opposite direction. That it kind of skipped step 0. Why should we want to socialize, why should we care to? Wasn't the work day enough interaction with other humans for one day and why should we feel a need to seek more? I'm not very social lol

tartoran 2y ago
> Here I was thinking in the opposite direction. That it kind of skipped step 0. Why should we want to socialize, why should we care to? Wasn't the work day enough interaction with other humans for one day and why should we feel a need to seek more? I'm not very social lol What you do at work (in offices mainly) is also socializing and for those who have a hard time doing it these bullet points could help somewhat. Nobody can force you to socialize but you basically stop existing for other people if you don't play that game at least from time to time. I am introverted by default but do force myself to socialize at work because it does pay off to some extent. I do find it taxing and depleting on my energy so I limit it socializing to smaller settings. In large settings I simply cannot function for more than 30 minutes unless I poison myself with alcohol. I've had more isolated stretches in my past and socializing had become very hard so the silver lining is that the more you do it the easier it becomes, you may even enjoy it in limited amounts. Also breaking the comfort zone is not pleasant but does open you up for other things.

ranger207 2y ago

Personally this was very useful for me. I struggle with social anxiety precisely because I'm always worried I'm doing these sorts of very basic actions wrong, and tend to hang up when I need to figure out the next question to ask in a conversation. Yeah, my therapist says I don't need to worry about it, but it's tough for me to go into any situation without being overprepared, so this is helpful for me