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Growing up I didn't really know my father. He was an alcoholic and spent his time with his friends drinking when I was young. My parents separated when I was ar
by dottjt 2y ago
Growing up I didn't really know my father. He was an alcoholic and spent his time with his friends drinking when I was young. My parents separated when I was around 8 years old and I haven't seen my father since, even till this day (I am around 30).
I was never really close with my mother. We would eat dinner in separate rooms. We grew more and more distant throughout my teen years and when I was 20 I decided to disown her and we're now estranged.
There were multiple attempts to "get back" but none were successful. I think what I realised in the end was that she was too much of a free spirit. She wanted to have her separate life and have me co-exist in it, without dedicating herself to me like a parent normally would.
I don't think I'll miss them or feeling anything for them when they pass. My mother, maybe a little. My father, not at all. But I don't forsee being at her death bed, even if she told me she was dying. Maybe I'm just stubborn or am held captive by a matter of "principle and integrity". If a relationship is cut off, then it's cut off. Meaning you both have to deal with the good and the bad. I've decided there's more good than bad.
In some senses it feels like I never had parents at all. Like there's nothing to miss, because how can one miss an absence?
I hope though to be the parent I never had to my daughter. Unfortunately my partner has stage 4 cancer so won't be around for most of my daughter's life at a very young age, but that's okay. This is life and life is me.
- isoprophlex 2y agoThat's... rough, man. Take care. I hope that on the whole, the light manages to balance the darkness somewhat.
- mottiden 2y agoSending you a huge hug
- endofreach 2y agoi tend to follow paths laid out by wishful thinking —knowingly, yet is there no intention. and is it tough, i like to wander just as slow into the lostness. if i was you, i‘d see the hope, that life, or god, the universe… whatever i might call it, has forced this life upon me while whispering to me, that just through pain, it will be honest, and that i (specifically)— would not have grasped, in time, the misery, of what it— takes, not what i‘ve lost— for, and not from, me, to be the loving, present parent for my daughter, that i will— now for certain— be. through the darkness, every cry through every scream, for all the pain you‘ve taken— and not given me.
- 01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y agoMy mom died a few years ago and I stopped talking to my dad over his Fox News brainworms. I feel like an orphan now. I have a couple siblings but we're distant.
- jimmydddd 2y agoA lot of dads turn into Fox news dads. Comedian Shane Gillis has some funny routines about it. Maybe think of it as a kind of dementia and try to overlook it? Sorry if this sounds trite. Just seems like a shame to lose a relationship over politics.
- manfre 2y ago> Just seems like a shame to lose a relationship over... This statement has the same tone when you replace "politics" with adultery or racism. Political beliefs represent the person and what they value. Some beliefs can't be overlooked and are not compatible with the relationship.
- adriand 2y ago“Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. If we distanced ourselves from everyone who made a mistake or who believed something different than we believe, we would have no relationships at all.
- chownie 2y agoEqually if we didn't distance ourselves from people who make harmful mistakes and those who believe dangerous, bigoted things we would all live miserably.
- adriand 2y agoYour dad is surely still suffering from this loss and if I had to guess, is probably awfully lonely and misses you. Life is too short to estrange family members over their political beliefs. Have you tried finding common ground in other areas, or asking your dad not to talk about politics? Along the lines of, “I miss you but your politics drive me crazy, can we hang out and not talk about anything political”? If your dad can’t agree to be apolitical when you spend time together then it’s his choice to be estranged from you. But maybe he can, and maybe you guys can find a connection again. I speak from personal experience here. I hope you’re able to find some reconciliation.
- deleted 2y ago[deleted]
- patkruk 2y agoBrother, you seem to be one strong man and I hope you will never run out of that strength. Sending you a big hug. All the best to your wife, daughter and you. I know it might sound trivial, but your purpose in life is so clear. All you have to do is be there for your girls. Stay strong!
- counterpartyrsk 2y agoTwo wrongs make a right? I'm guessing "around 30" means late 20s.
- wvh 2y agoI'm in a custody battle to allow shared custody of my daughter. I don't really have anybody else that's important to me here. I understand your message is about positivity and resilience, but I can't help to feel sad for not having had parents, and the lemons life is throwing you. I admire your attitude, and can't but hope you will find the love and connection from others to make the bitter sweeter.
- wuschel 2y ago> I'm in a custody battle to allow shared custody of my daughter. Been there. I wish you all the strength to make the right choices for your daughters sake <3
- 93po 2y agoMy situation isn't nearly as extreme as yours, but this book helped me a lot: https://books.google.com/books/about/Jonice_Webb_Running_on_Empty_Overcome_Yo.html?id=ZYdYtgEACAAJ https://books.google.com/books/about/Jonice_Webb_Running_on_...