3 ms·

It's been a very weird 6 weeks. It's like, everything was fine. We had our normal suburban life. Things were going great. We had just celebrated our daughter's

by dottjt 2y ago

It's been a very weird 6 weeks. It's like, everything was fine. We had our normal suburban life. Things were going great. We had just celebrated our daughter's first birthday. Then it's like, you realise that everything you had imagined over the next 40 - 50 years is suddenly not going to happen anymore, and it just feels so surreal. Thankfully, a lot of the initial hysteria is gone. But there's definitely a sense of "why me?"

elcritch 2y ago
Sorry about your partners disease. Learning such news about loved ones is difficult. I have a chronic condition and spent years wondering "why me?". Now my thoughts are more like "why not me?" and to try and embrace what life we're lucky to get and live day by day. Godspeed
- dottjt 2y ago
  Thank you. Did any readings or practices help you?
  - elcritch 2y ago
    Regardless of your religious background, the Book of Job is deep, and sort of boils down to “Why not you? There’s much you don’t understand”. I myself became Eastern Orthodox about 15 years ago, which has a somewhat different view of death than Western European Christianity (1). There’s also an acceptance that death occurs and that we prepare for it in our hearts, while still believing that death isn’t “natural” state. It’s a dichotomy of beliefs, but helped me accept both the reality of death but a hope for more. I pray and also love the funeral prayer in Orthodox Churches of “may their memory be eternal”. Very beautiful. I also find the Stoic philosophers (Marcus Arelius, Epictetus) to hold to an acceptance of death and similar views of preparing oneself for it as Orthodox do. They discuss the concept of “memento mori” (2) which plays a big role in Stoic Philosophy. They focus on directing one’s internal emotions to gratitude of time with loved ones and settling anything weighing on your heart, if I understand them. At the end of the day, both focus on preparing ourselves to realize we can die any moment and really don’t have any “right” to life. That it’s better to view each day as such and to find gratitude and peace with loved ones while you can instead of focusing on ourselves and expectations of life. We can and should feel sad and disappointed but also to not become lost in it. Apologies for the poor writing. I’m writing on my phone and well it’s a hard topic. My mother passed away last year way too young and there’s always a feeling of loss. May you find peace friend. 1: https://www.oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/spirituality/sickness-suffering-and-death/death https://www.oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/spiritualit... 2: https://www.stoicsimple.com/stoicism-death-facing-fears-of-mortality-with-stoic-beliefs/ https://www.stoicsimple.com/stoicism-death-facing-fears-of-m...
mattigames 2y ago
The "why me" for others is the first time they realize they have a chronic illness, that sudden realization that the universe is an uncaring dance of atoms, the realization that every attempt at ordering it's just a house of cards, including our DNA and everything else we rely on. I was expecting myself to land that line of reasoning into some comforting words but I have failed miserably ha, hold on tight.
- rkuzsma 2y ago
  “There is no justice in the laws of nature, no term for fairness in the equations of motion. The Universe is neither evil, nor good, it simply does not care. The stars don't care, or the Sun, or the sky. But they don't have to! WE care! There IS light in the world, and it is US!” ― Eliezer Yudkowsky, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality
  - kibwen 2y ago
    I don't like this quote because it suggests a sort of separation between ourselves and the universe, or it suggests that the universe is some all-powerful omnipotence that might deign to heal us if only we could supplicate ourselves to it, but that's mistaken. We're made of all the same stuff as those stars. We are the universe, and if we care, that means the universe cares as well. When we have the power to do something, that means the universe has the power to do something.
- TylerLives 2y ago
  Mattigames, there is a logic flaw in your little aphorism that seems quite telling. Since you and I are part of the Universe, then we would also be indifferent and uncaring. Perhaps you forgot, mattigames, that we are not superior to the Universe but merely a fraction of it.
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
adamredwoods 2y ago
Time slows down. We spent our lives week by week. I was her care taker and hope-keeper, and I would share oncology news like this with her to help keep our family sane. I think it helped.

by dottjt 2y ago

elcritch 2y ago

Sorry about your partners disease. Learning such news about loved ones is difficult. I have a chronic condition and spent years wondering "why me?". Now my thoughts are more like "why not me?" and to try and embrace what life we're lucky to get and live day by day. Godspeed

dottjt 2y ago
Thank you. Did any readings or practices help you?
- elcritch 2y ago
  Regardless of your religious background, the Book of Job is deep, and sort of boils down to “Why not you? There’s much you don’t understand”. I myself became Eastern Orthodox about 15 years ago, which has a somewhat different view of death than Western European Christianity (1). There’s also an acceptance that death occurs and that we prepare for it in our hearts, while still believing that death isn’t “natural” state. It’s a dichotomy of beliefs, but helped me accept both the reality of death but a hope for more. I pray and also love the funeral prayer in Orthodox Churches of “may their memory be eternal”. Very beautiful. I also find the Stoic philosophers (Marcus Arelius, Epictetus) to hold to an acceptance of death and similar views of preparing oneself for it as Orthodox do. They discuss the concept of “memento mori” (2) which plays a big role in Stoic Philosophy. They focus on directing one’s internal emotions to gratitude of time with loved ones and settling anything weighing on your heart, if I understand them. At the end of the day, both focus on preparing ourselves to realize we can die any moment and really don’t have any “right” to life. That it’s better to view each day as such and to find gratitude and peace with loved ones while you can instead of focusing on ourselves and expectations of life. We can and should feel sad and disappointed but also to not become lost in it. Apologies for the poor writing. I’m writing on my phone and well it’s a hard topic. My mother passed away last year way too young and there’s always a feeling of loss. May you find peace friend. 1: https://www.oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/spirituality/sickness-suffering-and-death/death https://www.oca.org/orthodoxy/the-orthodox-faith/spiritualit... 2: https://www.stoicsimple.com/stoicism-death-facing-fears-of-mortality-with-stoic-beliefs/ https://www.stoicsimple.com/stoicism-death-facing-fears-of-m...

mattigames 2y ago

The "why me" for others is the first time they realize they have a chronic illness, that sudden realization that the universe is an uncaring dance of atoms, the realization that every attempt at ordering it's just a house of cards, including our DNA and everything else we rely on. I was expecting myself to land that line of reasoning into some comforting words but I have failed miserably ha, hold on tight.

rkuzsma 2y ago
“There is no justice in the laws of nature, no term for fairness in the equations of motion. The Universe is neither evil, nor good, it simply does not care. The stars don't care, or the Sun, or the sky. But they don't have to! WE care! There IS light in the world, and it is US!” ― Eliezer Yudkowsky, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality
- kibwen 2y ago
  I don't like this quote because it suggests a sort of separation between ourselves and the universe, or it suggests that the universe is some all-powerful omnipotence that might deign to heal us if only we could supplicate ourselves to it, but that's mistaken. We're made of all the same stuff as those stars. We are the universe, and if we care, that means the universe cares as well. When we have the power to do something, that means the universe has the power to do something.
TylerLives 2y ago
Mattigames, there is a logic flaw in your little aphorism that seems quite telling. Since you and I are part of the Universe, then we would also be indifferent and uncaring. Perhaps you forgot, mattigames, that we are not superior to the Universe but merely a fraction of it.

deleted 2y ago

[deleted]

adamredwoods 2y ago

Time slows down. We spent our lives week by week. I was her care taker and hope-keeper, and I would share oncology news like this with her to help keep our family sane. I think it helped.