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The common sentiment here that the manager's "10% vulnerable" exercise was inappropriate or even abusive is a little surprising to me.Maybe I'm just showing my

The common sentiment here that the manager's "10% vulnerable" exercise was inappropriate or even abusive is a little surprising to me.Maybe I'm just showing my age a bit, but my immediate reaction would have just been that this is a stupid team building exercise (whether accurate or not, that's just how I'd see it).Assuming I generally like my boss I wouldn't be a jerk about it, but I wouldn't be interested in participating and would say that as matter-of-fact as I could. Especially if the manager led with "if your willing to..." that should be that, I'd be on with my day no harm no foul. For anyone coming by that would read the situation as inappropriate or abusive, what's different? Why do you see it abusive where I might see it a waste of time that I would just opt out of?

kelnos 2y ago
I think "abusive" is a bit hyperbolic, but I do think it was inappropriate. If the manager was asking them to be a little more vulnerable about a professional situation they went through, perhaps that would be ok. But it's completely inappropriate to expect people to share deeply personal stories during a work meeting. And the power imbalance compounds the problem. Good on you for feeling comfortable and confident enough in yourself and your position that you'd be fine telling the boss that you're not interested in participating. I think most people wouldn't be able to do that, and some would feel pressured to participate ("because the boss asked") even if they were uncomfortable doing so, even if it's presented as "if you're willing to..." I wouldn't be comfortable with that kind of sharing in a work setting either, but my approach would probably be to share a "vulnerable" professional situation, or, if I wasn't even feeling up for that, to just share a situation that I was fully comfortable talking about. And being a teammate I'd also be uncomfortable if someone I didn't know on a close personal basis started talking about how their marriage almost fell apart during a team meeting. This stuff isn't any of my business, and I'm not at work for this! (Re: your "showing your age" comment, FWIW, I'm in my 40s; not sure if that's old or young by your standards when it comes to this sort of thing.)
- _heimdall 2y ago
  Thanks for the comment here, I'm genuinely curious how I may be seeing it so starkly different from many comments here. > During one of his early meetings at a team onsite he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I had to go back and double check the original post here to make sure I remembered it right. This may actually be part of where I read it differently, if I heard a manager say this in a meeting I would have still assumed it was to be more vulnerable in a work context rather than breeching the wall between work and personal life. Maybe I would share a code review that made me feel uncomfortable, not a personal trauma in my life. For better or worse I do tend to have a habit of speaking my mind, hopefully in a kind way that makes it clear I'm being genuine. I'd speak up in this kind of situation in part hoping that it makes others less likely to speak up feel more comfortable or willing to then speak up. > Re: your "showing your age" comment, FWIW, I'm in my 40s; not sure if that's old or young by your standards when it comes to this sort of thing It may not be a generational thing at all. I'm not far behind you, in my late 30s, and my initial reaction could very well have been the bad (and timeless) trope of "kids these days just don't ..."

kelnos 2y ago

I think "abusive" is a bit hyperbolic, but I do think it was inappropriate. If the manager was asking them to be a little more vulnerable about a professional situation they went through, perhaps that would be ok. But it's completely inappropriate to expect people to share deeply personal stories during a work meeting. And the power imbalance compounds the problem. Good on you for feeling comfortable and confident enough in yourself and your position that you'd be fine telling the boss that you're not interested in participating. I think most people wouldn't be able to do that, and some would feel pressured to participate ("because the boss asked") even if they were uncomfortable doing so, even if it's presented as "if you're willing to..." I wouldn't be comfortable with that kind of sharing in a work setting either, but my approach would probably be to share a "vulnerable" professional situation, or, if I wasn't even feeling up for that, to just share a situation that I was fully comfortable talking about. And being a teammate I'd also be uncomfortable if someone I didn't know on a close personal basis started talking about how their marriage almost fell apart during a team meeting. This stuff isn't any of my business, and I'm not at work for this! (Re: your "showing your age" comment, FWIW, I'm in my 40s; not sure if that's old or young by your standards when it comes to this sort of thing.)

_heimdall 2y ago
Thanks for the comment here, I'm genuinely curious how I may be seeing it so starkly different from many comments here. > During one of his early meetings at a team onsite he asked the team, “for this meeting I’d like us to try and introduce ourselves a little differently. If you’re comfortable, I’d like us to try and be 10% more vulnerable than we normally would in a work setting.” I had to go back and double check the original post here to make sure I remembered it right. This may actually be part of where I read it differently, if I heard a manager say this in a meeting I would have still assumed it was to be more vulnerable in a work context rather than breeching the wall between work and personal life. Maybe I would share a code review that made me feel uncomfortable, not a personal trauma in my life. For better or worse I do tend to have a habit of speaking my mind, hopefully in a kind way that makes it clear I'm being genuine. I'd speak up in this kind of situation in part hoping that it makes others less likely to speak up feel more comfortable or willing to then speak up. > Re: your "showing your age" comment, FWIW, I'm in my 40s; not sure if that's old or young by your standards when it comes to this sort of thing It may not be a generational thing at all. I'm not far behind you, in my late 30s, and my initial reaction could very well have been the bad (and timeless) trope of "kids these days just don't ..."