4 ms·

10% more vulnerable than normal is open to interpretation. You don't need to lie or put anyone on a list, it's just an attempt to foster persona relations betwe

10% more vulnerable than normal is open to interpretation. You don't need to lie or put anyone on a list, it's just an attempt to foster persona relations between a team, the idea being with a little empathy and knowledge of each other people might be more likely to resolve future differences amicably.

tharkun__ 2y ago
So now you have a bunch of people that freely overshared and that would freely overshare anyhow, you have people that invented something like "my cat just died" and everyone is now doling out condolences and asking how they feel for weeks even though they never even had a cat and they secretly hate the boss and the one guy that openly said they don't do stuff like that at work and they're now shunned by everyone. Worked out great, didn't it? Now the above is probably a bit over top but it shows the typical American company culture effect. Going through this at work right now since we got bought by Americans and more and more fakeness is coming in.
- spencerflem 2y ago
  Imo you're being a bit dramatic. I find it nice to work with real people, I'm work from home right now and its odd to me just how little I know about the people I ostensibly share 8 hours a day with.
  - tharkun__ 2y ago
    See I think there is a huge difference between naturally getting to know your coworkers and this group pressure sharing exercise. It's completely fine to get to know your coworkers. But let the oversharing ones (the extroverts) congegrate together naturally. We had someone like that on the team. Was likeable enough but wouldn't stop talking about everything in their life. That was their choice tho and I am fine to listen but I'm not "sharing back". And then there were introverts. Some that spoke very very little and some that were in the middle. They randomly shared some things from time to time in quieter moments with less people around and when they felt comfortable. Very real people and it was nice to get to know the a bit more. I'm more on the introvert side there and if you group pressure me into this sort of thing I will remember that for a very very very long time. As in we are never gonna be friends. I'm still sour about what an extrovert HR person did 4 years ago and I don't speak to them any longer. They are also showing from time to time that they haven't changed and they'd be the type to use whatever came out in an oversharing session against you. Now tell me to "report them to HR".
    - spencerflem 2y ago
      I'm on the introvert side too fwiw, I just feel like inventing a dead cat is a pretty out there response for the situation, which was a gentle push to be a little more open than usual for those that feel comfortable. Definitely can be taken too far in either direction. Without any place for chit chat being set up for it though, at least in my company, the 'natural' amount of sharing is basically zero, which feels like not enough for me.
      - tharkun__ 2y ago
        It's not a gentle push though. It's setting up a group pressure situation that is definitely gonna make introverts feel uncomfortable (by a probably extroverted person that may genuinely not understand what they're even doing in that regard as it'd feel natural for them). Now I understand that with remote work there may not be enough space for chit chat. But there are other ways than a forced group pressure situation to set that up. For example, we decided as a team when Covid WFH started to basically use our daily 15 min stand-up for whatever. Sometimes we just did stand-up and we're out of there after 5 min coz nobody felt like talking. Sometimes it'd be a half an hour of just talking about whatever. We also have a dedicated time each week blocked off on the calendar for it as well and when we have ad hoc working session calls we get in some chit chat here or there as well. It's not all just business but it can be. RE cat: see this is the internet and it's an anonymous forum. I used that example because our cat actually just died a few weeks ago. You thought it was over the top. Interesting indeed.
        spencerflem 2y ago
        I thought feeling compelled to make up a story like a dead cat would be over the top, I'm so sorry that actually happened. I don't quite get the difference between a blocked off time for chit chat and the way the manager asked for it here but totally, being forced like you have to say something you don't want to sucks.
        tharkun__ 2y ago
Tainnor 2y ago
It's funny how people in this thread are arguing that the 10% isn't a big deal when we have TFA describing how they shared personal details about their divorce upon hearing this prompt, and that other people apparently shared even more intimate things. There are ways of lighten the mood that are decidedly less abusive, such as "tell us something funny about yourself" or "what is your hobby?". You don't have to like such questions either but at least they're not open invitations for trauma dumping.

tharkun__ 2y ago

So now you have a bunch of people that freely overshared and that would freely overshare anyhow, you have people that invented something like "my cat just died" and everyone is now doling out condolences and asking how they feel for weeks even though they never even had a cat and they secretly hate the boss and the one guy that openly said they don't do stuff like that at work and they're now shunned by everyone. Worked out great, didn't it? Now the above is probably a bit over top but it shows the typical American company culture effect. Going through this at work right now since we got bought by Americans and more and more fakeness is coming in.

spencerflem 2y ago
Imo you're being a bit dramatic. I find it nice to work with real people, I'm work from home right now and its odd to me just how little I know about the people I ostensibly share 8 hours a day with.
- tharkun__ 2y ago
  See I think there is a huge difference between naturally getting to know your coworkers and this group pressure sharing exercise. It's completely fine to get to know your coworkers. But let the oversharing ones (the extroverts) congegrate together naturally. We had someone like that on the team. Was likeable enough but wouldn't stop talking about everything in their life. That was their choice tho and I am fine to listen but I'm not "sharing back". And then there were introverts. Some that spoke very very little and some that were in the middle. They randomly shared some things from time to time in quieter moments with less people around and when they felt comfortable. Very real people and it was nice to get to know the a bit more. I'm more on the introvert side there and if you group pressure me into this sort of thing I will remember that for a very very very long time. As in we are never gonna be friends. I'm still sour about what an extrovert HR person did 4 years ago and I don't speak to them any longer. They are also showing from time to time that they haven't changed and they'd be the type to use whatever came out in an oversharing session against you. Now tell me to "report them to HR".
  - spencerflem 2y ago
    I'm on the introvert side too fwiw, I just feel like inventing a dead cat is a pretty out there response for the situation, which was a gentle push to be a little more open than usual for those that feel comfortable. Definitely can be taken too far in either direction. Without any place for chit chat being set up for it though, at least in my company, the 'natural' amount of sharing is basically zero, which feels like not enough for me.
    - tharkun__ 2y ago
      It's not a gentle push though. It's setting up a group pressure situation that is definitely gonna make introverts feel uncomfortable (by a probably extroverted person that may genuinely not understand what they're even doing in that regard as it'd feel natural for them). Now I understand that with remote work there may not be enough space for chit chat. But there are other ways than a forced group pressure situation to set that up. For example, we decided as a team when Covid WFH started to basically use our daily 15 min stand-up for whatever. Sometimes we just did stand-up and we're out of there after 5 min coz nobody felt like talking. Sometimes it'd be a half an hour of just talking about whatever. We also have a dedicated time each week blocked off on the calendar for it as well and when we have ad hoc working session calls we get in some chit chat here or there as well. It's not all just business but it can be. RE cat: see this is the internet and it's an anonymous forum. I used that example because our cat actually just died a few weeks ago. You thought it was over the top. Interesting indeed.
      - spencerflem 2y ago
        I thought feeling compelled to make up a story like a dead cat would be over the top, I'm so sorry that actually happened. I don't quite get the difference between a blocked off time for chit chat and the way the manager asked for it here but totally, being forced like you have to say something you don't want to sucks.
        tharkun__ 2y ago

Tainnor 2y ago

It's funny how people in this thread are arguing that the 10% isn't a big deal when we have TFA describing how they shared personal details about their divorce upon hearing this prompt, and that other people apparently shared even more intimate things. There are ways of lighten the mood that are decidedly less abusive, such as "tell us something funny about yourself" or "what is your hobby?". You don't have to like such questions either but at least they're not open invitations for trauma dumping.