7 ms·
Kind of an odd article, the writer spends the first part of it trying to come up with compliments, which usually fail. Instead of manufacturing a compliment, j
by jswanson 14y ago
Kind of an odd article, the writer spends the first part of it trying to come up with compliments, which usually fail.
Instead of manufacturing a compliment, just pay attention and realize what you think looks nice, what you like, or what you think is cool. Instead of holding back and not saying anything, which I think is what a lot of us do, tell them.
If the person has a funny shirt on and it brightens your day, say 'I really like your shirt.'
Instead of trying to compliment somebody, just try to appreciate them, and then relax enough to tell them what you appreciate.
A compliment you manufacture for the sake of giving a compliment will probably come across as stilted and fake.
- okamiueru 14y agoI think you made a nice summary of the article and astute observations as to what to take away from it. Thanks.
- okamiueru 14y ago(So... How was it? Did it make you feel good?)
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- sosuke 14y agoIt came off like comment spam a bit to me. "I really like your insights!" or "This blog is great, I'll come back again soon." I guess you won't be able to compliment everyone or the cynical, but it was a good attempt and I think you'll be a great complimenter soon.
- Swizec 14y agoThis. Exactly this. It's why alcohol makes social stuff easier - lowered inhibitions. Remember nothing bad will happen if you just tell people what you think. Especially if it's positive. I promise. It won't be weird. In fact, I've gone so far as making this a daily habit: http://swizec.com/blog/can-you-pay-one-compliment-to-one-stranger-every-day/swizec/4449 http://swizec.com/blog/can-you-pay-one-compliment-to-one-str...
- neutronicus 14y agoPlenty of things can go wrong telling people what you think.
- hobin 14y agoNo no no no. Absolutely not. Not, especially if its positive. Generally, only if its positive. I'm a slightly cynical person, so if I told people everything I thought, I'd probably be out of friends by now.
- dakotasmith 14y agoI think that could be the cynicism talking. Perhaps all of the people who now are your friends might no longer be you friends, but your new habit could've brought you new friends who respect you for your candor, even if it is slightly cynical.
- scarmig 14y agoI have one friend who tells everyone what she thinks with no apparent filter. Besides me, she has maybe two or three other people who like her company. Nor are her opinions that noxious--usually she just says out loud very blunt versions of what half of the people are thinking. But you can easily imagine personalities with an even lower batting average.
- tetha 14y agoAll my friends are like that with varying syntax. I'm unsure how to interprete that, except that I like it because they are honest.
- reddit_clone 14y agoI don't really believe there is a state of total honesty between people. There is always the inner person with dirty habits and nasty thoughts that you don't expose to _anyone_ however drunk you are.
- 14y ago
- blyuher 14y agoActually, according to Cialdini's Influence, complimenting works even when people understand that it is, in fact, flattery: "First, the evaluator who provided only praise was liked best by the men. Second, this was the case even though the men fully realized that the flatterer stood to gain from their liking him. Finally, unlike the other types of comments, pure praise did not have to be accurate to work. Positive comments produced just as much liking for the flatterer when they were untrue as when they were true." [1] [1] Specifically, he cites Drachman et al. (1978) study.
- vardhanw 14y agoSo, does that mean you are worse off providing genuine feedback if it is negative, if it is in your best interest to just flatter someone with false goodiness?
- J3L2404 14y agoIf you are in sales, yes.
- RivieraKid 14y agoIt's because people translate any compliment as a more sophisticated way of saying "I like you".
- FaceKicker 14y ago> Kind of an odd article, the writer spends the first part of it trying to come up with compliments, which usually fail. Personally I thought that part was hilarious. I'm not sure whether it was true or not (due to how naive it made the author seem) but I definitely enjoyed the article more because of it.
- DivisibleByZero 14y agoIf you try this same sort of thing yourself, I think you'll be surprised at how naive it makes you feel. It's a very foreign feeling, stretching for compliments.
- jere 14y agoMaybe I'm just shy/lazy, but the part about the author issuing 1100 compliments in a week also strains belief.
- 6ren 14y agoI've found it's even better to look for things you like (as you say), and then not say anything about it. They'll sense you're well-disposed towards them because you are well-disposed towards them. You'll also feel happier, having noticed something you like.