4 ms·

Since she was 100 km away, it didn't make sense she was going to be there in 15 minutes by normal means, so it meant either she was lying or OP was actually goi

Since she was 100 km away, it didn't make sense she was going to be there in 15 minutes by normal means, so it meant either she was lying or OP was actually going to be teleported. OP apparently chose to believe the latter, since it confirmed their current delusion. So it didn't postpone anything, maybe if she had given a realistic ETA (or just said "I'm coming, wait for me") it would have worked though. It's very difficult to know what to do in these situations though, I've been on the side of that girlfriend and you just can't have a full understand of what's going on in the head of the other person, everything is just walking on eggs, except the eggs are actually landmines.

aleph_minus_one 2y ago
> I've been on the side of that girlfriend and you just can't have a full understand of what's going on in the head of the other person, everything is just walking on eggs, except the eggs are actually landmines. The problem here in my opinion is rather that most people are used to lie, manipulate and betray (in society this behaviour is actually euphemized via the term "white lies"). In this particular case, such a behaviour does have consequences. See the example of this thread where the girlfriend claims she will be there in 15 minutes, despite being 100 km away. Since most people are not used to being honest (or, I assume, actually never were), they give similar descriptions of their difficulties when their lies do have consequences like your "everything is just walking on eggs, except the eggs are actually landmines".
- seszett 2y ago
  It's a bit more complicated than just "not being used being honest". Being 100% honest and not hiding anything doesn't work either, so it's a constant balancing act between telling them the truth, reassuring them and sometimes indeed shielding from the harsh truth by avoiding from mentioning something, which I do believe is different from lying. Lying is out of question though and I think the people who resort to that do it out of laziness more than anything, or maybe well-intentioned wishful thinking in the case of the aforementioned girlfriend. But this is always harmful, not just with psychotic persons.
  - tdeck 2y ago
    It's interesting how OP conflates telling white lies with "betraying" - kinda feels like there are some issues to work through there.
    - aleph_minus_one 2y ago
      > It's interesting how OP conflates telling white lies with "betraying" This statement exactly proves my point concerning how dishonest and betraying most people are.
      - genrilz 2y ago
        I think what GP is saying is that white lies are not necessarily betrayal. Betrayal is when someone violates your trust somehow. [0] You can see some examples of lying in the wiktionary definition I linked. (see the last two definitions) However, both these definitions involve the lie causing some negative consequence. A white lie is specifically a lie done to spare someones feelings. It's possible that the white lie can cause negative consequences, but that is not always the case. To take a concrete example, consider the classic white lie "no, that dress doesn't make you look fat". It is possible that this could cause someone to wear an ugly dress, but the person probably looked at themselves in the mirror too, so they probably will end up choosing a dress that doesn't look awful. In this case there is no negative consequence associated with the white lie unless person wearing the dress is unable to accurately self assess. (which is something the speaker hopefully would know about the dress wearer) You could define being lied to as a violation of your trust. In particular, I think autistic people often can't pick up on social cues, and so rely more on people speaking the truth to them. However, that doesn't mean white lies are betrayal for everyone. If you in particular feel like white lies are betrayal, you might want to tell people in your life that so they know it's important to you. They won't automatically know and it isn't automatically important to them. [0]: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/betray#English https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/betray#English
        aleph_minus_one 2y ago
- throw4950sh06 2y ago
  In this particular case, it was sort of the opposite. I'm used to her always being honest, so when she told me it's 15 minutes I trusted her 100%. She was getting a friend to rescue me, and she was counting on me trusting her and waiting at home, but unfortunately that was of no use as I went off to the city before they could even pack their things after that call.
  - aleph_minus_one 2y ago
    > I'm used to her always being honest, so when she told me it's 15 minutes I trusted her 100%. But she lied to you - and this lead to your dangerous chain of thoughts.
    - deleted 2y ago
      [deleted]
  - DiggyJohnson 2y ago
    Should she have been more honest and said "X will be their shortly. I'm really worried about you, please stay put."? Just trying to follow this chain of reasoning.
    - throw4950sh06 2y ago
      Yes, that would work. I was really looking for confirmation, so if she said something like this the issue could be avoided. But who knows what I'd come up with 10 minutes later...
anal_reactor 2y ago
This ruins my LSD trips. Instead of enjoying the high I end up being scared that I might do something stupid that sober me will later regret.
- naming_the_user 2y ago
  This is the reason that I've only ever done LSD once. It wasn't especially anxiety inducing for the most part and was quite fun, but I feel as if I just got lucky and that in a slightly different circumstance I could just have convinced myself that my apartment window was in fact the front door and fall out of it.
- zmgsabst 2y ago
  Out of curiosity, what is it you imagine would go wrong?
  - upghost 2y ago
    I'm going to assume "selecting a username" :D
    - DiggyJohnson 2y ago
      lmfao
  - anal_reactor 2y ago
    I don't know, I can try cooking something and actually making a fire

aleph_minus_one 2y ago

> I've been on the side of that girlfriend and you just can't have a full understand of what's going on in the head of the other person, everything is just walking on eggs, except the eggs are actually landmines. The problem here in my opinion is rather that most people are used to lie, manipulate and betray (in society this behaviour is actually euphemized via the term "white lies"). In this particular case, such a behaviour does have consequences. See the example of this thread where the girlfriend claims she will be there in 15 minutes, despite being 100 km away. Since most people are not used to being honest (or, I assume, actually never were), they give similar descriptions of their difficulties when their lies do have consequences like your "everything is just walking on eggs, except the eggs are actually landmines".

seszett 2y ago
It's a bit more complicated than just "not being used being honest". Being 100% honest and not hiding anything doesn't work either, so it's a constant balancing act between telling them the truth, reassuring them and sometimes indeed shielding from the harsh truth by avoiding from mentioning something, which I do believe is different from lying. Lying is out of question though and I think the people who resort to that do it out of laziness more than anything, or maybe well-intentioned wishful thinking in the case of the aforementioned girlfriend. But this is always harmful, not just with psychotic persons.
- tdeck 2y ago
  It's interesting how OP conflates telling white lies with "betraying" - kinda feels like there are some issues to work through there.
  - aleph_minus_one 2y ago
    > It's interesting how OP conflates telling white lies with "betraying" This statement exactly proves my point concerning how dishonest and betraying most people are.
    - genrilz 2y ago
      I think what GP is saying is that white lies are not necessarily betrayal. Betrayal is when someone violates your trust somehow. [0] You can see some examples of lying in the wiktionary definition I linked. (see the last two definitions) However, both these definitions involve the lie causing some negative consequence. A white lie is specifically a lie done to spare someones feelings. It's possible that the white lie can cause negative consequences, but that is not always the case. To take a concrete example, consider the classic white lie "no, that dress doesn't make you look fat". It is possible that this could cause someone to wear an ugly dress, but the person probably looked at themselves in the mirror too, so they probably will end up choosing a dress that doesn't look awful. In this case there is no negative consequence associated with the white lie unless person wearing the dress is unable to accurately self assess. (which is something the speaker hopefully would know about the dress wearer) You could define being lied to as a violation of your trust. In particular, I think autistic people often can't pick up on social cues, and so rely more on people speaking the truth to them. However, that doesn't mean white lies are betrayal for everyone. If you in particular feel like white lies are betrayal, you might want to tell people in your life that so they know it's important to you. They won't automatically know and it isn't automatically important to them. [0]: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/betray#English https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/betray#English
      - aleph_minus_one 2y ago
throw4950sh06 2y ago
In this particular case, it was sort of the opposite. I'm used to her always being honest, so when she told me it's 15 minutes I trusted her 100%. She was getting a friend to rescue me, and she was counting on me trusting her and waiting at home, but unfortunately that was of no use as I went off to the city before they could even pack their things after that call.
- aleph_minus_one 2y ago
  > I'm used to her always being honest, so when she told me it's 15 minutes I trusted her 100%. But she lied to you - and this lead to your dangerous chain of thoughts.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
- DiggyJohnson 2y ago
  Should she have been more honest and said "X will be their shortly. I'm really worried about you, please stay put."? Just trying to follow this chain of reasoning.
  - throw4950sh06 2y ago
    Yes, that would work. I was really looking for confirmation, so if she said something like this the issue could be avoided. But who knows what I'd come up with 10 minutes later...

anal_reactor 2y ago

This ruins my LSD trips. Instead of enjoying the high I end up being scared that I might do something stupid that sober me will later regret.

naming_the_user 2y ago
This is the reason that I've only ever done LSD once. It wasn't especially anxiety inducing for the most part and was quite fun, but I feel as if I just got lucky and that in a slightly different circumstance I could just have convinced myself that my apartment window was in fact the front door and fall out of it.
zmgsabst 2y ago
Out of curiosity, what is it you imagine would go wrong?
- upghost 2y ago
  I'm going to assume "selecting a username" :D
  - DiggyJohnson 2y ago
    lmfao
- anal_reactor 2y ago
  I don't know, I can try cooking something and actually making a fire