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Quit social media if you cannot maintain a healthy relationship with it. But please do not just pull the plug because someone on the Internet told you it would

Quit social media if you cannot maintain a healthy relationship with it. But please do not just pull the plug because someone on the Internet told you it would improve your life. This is far from a guarantee. I quit Facebook a few years back because of enough conversations on HN convincing me it would be a positive choice. It was not, and I regret it. I've since rejoined FB but my network of friends did not completely recover. People here will tell you that FB friends you don't go out of your way to contact via not-FB methods aren't really friends. They are full of shit. That may be true for them.

alt227 2y ago
Can you please tell us why leaving Facebook was not a positive choice for you? Also why it is important that 'your network of friends recovers'?
- rootusrootus 2y ago
  I had friends on FB going back to high school. Neighborhood kids we hung with after school. People I've met at various jobs over the years and become friendly enough to keep in touch outside of work. Did we interact every day? Nope. Just casually. But we have a shared history going back 50 years, and had enjoyable low key interactions periodically. Turning off FB killed all of those connections, and not all of them came back when I got a new account a year later. Heck, a couple thought I had unfriended them and felt slighted. And to top it off -- I didn't actually have a problem with FB. It didn't ruin my life. I did (and still do) visit about once or twice a week. I don't doom scroll, I don't get all jealous of someone's vacation pictures, new house, new car, whatever. I did not actually have a social media problem that needed solving. I gave too much value to what randos on HN said. > why it is important that 'your network of friends recovers'? Because I enjoy the casual contact with all of these people I've known over the years. Even if I don't share enough current interests to spend a lot of time hanging out with them, I get positive feelings from staying connected.
causal 2y ago
I think you're hinting at a hidden problem: our vocabulary has not caught up with the way social media has evolved, and we need new terms. People actually LIKE, perhaps even need, the social aspects of social media. But that's become such a small part of the experience for many people- the ads and attention-hacking with cheap stimuli burying the positive interactions. I don't want to quit my connections, as you say. But I do want to quit this daily hypnosis that reels is trying to subject me to. I would call that latter something more like "possessive media" - it needs to have your attention at all times and needs every scrap of data it can gather about you. I want less possessive media and more social media.
- rootusrootus 2y ago
  > I do want to quit this daily hypnosis that reels is trying to subject me to. 100% agree on that. A couple months ago I got caught up in reels and spent like two hours watching videos. And then I thought ... what the hell did I just do? I don't feel fulfilled, I didn't learn anything meaningful, I feel like I just binged on candy and want to throw up. Now I avoid reels like the plague. I just log in a couple times a week to see pictures from friends and family. As soon as I see a really attractive reel preview, I remind myself that it isn't nearly as awesome as the preview looks, and close the page.

alt227 2y ago

Can you please tell us why leaving Facebook was not a positive choice for you? Also why it is important that 'your network of friends recovers'?

rootusrootus 2y ago
I had friends on FB going back to high school. Neighborhood kids we hung with after school. People I've met at various jobs over the years and become friendly enough to keep in touch outside of work. Did we interact every day? Nope. Just casually. But we have a shared history going back 50 years, and had enjoyable low key interactions periodically. Turning off FB killed all of those connections, and not all of them came back when I got a new account a year later. Heck, a couple thought I had unfriended them and felt slighted. And to top it off -- I didn't actually have a problem with FB. It didn't ruin my life. I did (and still do) visit about once or twice a week. I don't doom scroll, I don't get all jealous of someone's vacation pictures, new house, new car, whatever. I did not actually have a social media problem that needed solving. I gave too much value to what randos on HN said. > why it is important that 'your network of friends recovers'? Because I enjoy the casual contact with all of these people I've known over the years. Even if I don't share enough current interests to spend a lot of time hanging out with them, I get positive feelings from staying connected.

causal 2y ago

I think you're hinting at a hidden problem: our vocabulary has not caught up with the way social media has evolved, and we need new terms. People actually LIKE, perhaps even need, the social aspects of social media. But that's become such a small part of the experience for many people- the ads and attention-hacking with cheap stimuli burying the positive interactions. I don't want to quit my connections, as you say. But I do want to quit this daily hypnosis that reels is trying to subject me to. I would call that latter something more like "possessive media" - it needs to have your attention at all times and needs every scrap of data it can gather about you. I want less possessive media and more social media.

rootusrootus 2y ago
> I do want to quit this daily hypnosis that reels is trying to subject me to. 100% agree on that. A couple months ago I got caught up in reels and spent like two hours watching videos. And then I thought ... what the hell did I just do? I don't feel fulfilled, I didn't learn anything meaningful, I feel like I just binged on candy and want to throw up. Now I avoid reels like the plague. I just log in a couple times a week to see pictures from friends and family. As soon as I see a really attractive reel preview, I remind myself that it isn't nearly as awesome as the preview looks, and close the page.