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Do people actually think "somebody tranq that child" or do parents with publicly misbehaving children just feel like they are? Like, I'm a bit annoyed when the

Do people actually think "somebody tranq that child" or do parents with publicly misbehaving children just feel like they are? Like, I'm a bit annoyed when there's a crying baby on my bus or something, but I'm annoyed at being caught in that circumstance, not at either the parent or the child.

poincaredisk 2y ago
I used to be extremely angry when I had to spend some time around loud kids, especially misbehaving kids. Of course I never said anything but I was always fuming inside and wanted to scream at someone. Depending on the child age I was angry at the parent or both. Btw. I was also often aware that my anger is not rational. Now I'm getting close to becoming a parent myself, and I think I'm suddenly getting much milder. Maybe there's a relation between child tolerance and being a parent? Or maybe it's just age.
- BobaFloutist 2y ago
  My wife is prone to overstimulation when there's too many noises, especially if she's trying to concentrate on something, or there's other unexpected sensory stimuli (especially being bumped or jostled or sudden bright lights), or, weirdly, if she's dehydrated or overheated. At first, I thought this was just her own idiosyncrasy. Then I realized that I'm also capable of experiencing the exact same thing, in very similar circumstances, albeit a little less prone. The weird thing is that overstimulation often manifests first as irritation, and then as irrational anger. So many times when my previous understanding was "Oh I get really angry when this happens" or "Oh this sort of thing makes me really cranky", I've realized it's more helpful to frame it as overstimulation. Why does the distinction matter? It has different solutions! (Irrational) anger mostly has the solution of just trying to get over it, take some breaths, calm down, logic through it. That's all very well and good, but if the source of the anger is repeated, you'll have to keep doing that the whole bus ride/airplane trip/waiting room duration. If you can realize that you're overstimulated, you can make a point of reducing stimuli: rehydrating (again, I can't emphasize enough how much of a mysterious correlation there is), and basically doing a bodyscan to figure out what stimuli you're experiencing and how you can reduce them. Creating darkness, putting on sunglasses, even just closing your eyes, adjusting your clothes or seat or position so you're not getting chafed or poked or pushed, earplugs obviously help with the child crying but they also reduce other noises that might be a big factor in your irritation, often taking off a layer so you're not feeling overwarm. And it helps to reframe it as "Oh hey my brain is processing too many sensations at once and kind of throwing a tantrum" rather than "Wow I'm really shitty and selfish and judgemental when there's a noisy child." It's been a real change in perspective.
- willcipriano 2y ago
  Once you have a kid you'll get mad that they don't know how to calm the kid down effectively, or seem to not want to put in the effort in many cases. For example, when we went out to eat with our infant/toddler when she got bored I'd take her outside for a walk to calm her down. 2 - 5 minutes is enough. Then you see parents just scrolling on their iPhone while the little one screams. If I wasn't a man and would have the police called on me, I'd ask them to do it myself.
genter 2y ago
Yes. But I'm a jackass and hate loud noises.
- musicale 2y ago
  If crying babies were not annoying, we'd be in big trouble. Nonetheless I appreciate parents who mitigate the effect by moving their child, tending to needs, etc. Loud phone conversation and sodcasting however... Human history undoubtedly abounds with instances of youth (or others) claiming public space while irritating elders and authority figures, but loud videos on a phone are a portal to the inferno.
tstrimple 2y ago
Yes. But I do draw a distinction between "normal" child behavior and parents who have literally zero control over their little monsters. Babies cry. It happens. It's fine. Toddlers say or do inappropriate things as they learn to navigate the world. They have meltdowns sometimes too. But then there are parents who let their kids run screaming through shared spaces or lets them knock items off of shelves or harass other people. Decent parents will try to mitigate their children's behavior. Bad parents just watch uselessly.
cafard 2y ago
A crying baby is not misbehaving. A crying baby is wet, hungry, tired, or sick. If the child is sick, the parents don't really have a lot of thought to spare on the bystanders. (Or anyway I didn't. I'm sorry if you resented the noise, but I had someone else on my mind.)
- potato3732842 2y ago
  It's your responsibility as a parent to teach your kid not to be obnoxious to others within reasonable limits and expectations for its age while also managing the situations it's in so that it's not so hungry/tired/whatever that it can't help itself. Obviously exact expectations all subjective and what's reasonable is a sliding scale based on age of child and situation.
  - theGnuMe 2y ago
    I expect adults to maintain emotional control and practice empathy.
    - musicale 2y ago
      Oh, if only. But we can be sure that if one is ever unfortunate enough to lose it then it will probably be in public, recorded, and posted online for posterity.
  - vacuity 2y ago
    Note that an outsider is likely not going to have the full picture at a glance, so even if it seems like a "wow, this parent is irresponsible and bad" situation, give some leeway. There are plenty of bad eggs, but also just people having bad days or something else entirely.
dzhiurgis 2y ago
Ironically children who are frequently tranq'd will never learn how to behave publicly.
musicale 2y ago
My pet peeve is parents who hand their children devices and let them turn the volume all the way up.

poincaredisk 2y ago

I used to be extremely angry when I had to spend some time around loud kids, especially misbehaving kids. Of course I never said anything but I was always fuming inside and wanted to scream at someone. Depending on the child age I was angry at the parent or both. Btw. I was also often aware that my anger is not rational. Now I'm getting close to becoming a parent myself, and I think I'm suddenly getting much milder. Maybe there's a relation between child tolerance and being a parent? Or maybe it's just age.

BobaFloutist 2y ago
My wife is prone to overstimulation when there's too many noises, especially if she's trying to concentrate on something, or there's other unexpected sensory stimuli (especially being bumped or jostled or sudden bright lights), or, weirdly, if she's dehydrated or overheated. At first, I thought this was just her own idiosyncrasy. Then I realized that I'm also capable of experiencing the exact same thing, in very similar circumstances, albeit a little less prone. The weird thing is that overstimulation often manifests first as irritation, and then as irrational anger. So many times when my previous understanding was "Oh I get really angry when this happens" or "Oh this sort of thing makes me really cranky", I've realized it's more helpful to frame it as overstimulation. Why does the distinction matter? It has different solutions! (Irrational) anger mostly has the solution of just trying to get over it, take some breaths, calm down, logic through it. That's all very well and good, but if the source of the anger is repeated, you'll have to keep doing that the whole bus ride/airplane trip/waiting room duration. If you can realize that you're overstimulated, you can make a point of reducing stimuli: rehydrating (again, I can't emphasize enough how much of a mysterious correlation there is), and basically doing a bodyscan to figure out what stimuli you're experiencing and how you can reduce them. Creating darkness, putting on sunglasses, even just closing your eyes, adjusting your clothes or seat or position so you're not getting chafed or poked or pushed, earplugs obviously help with the child crying but they also reduce other noises that might be a big factor in your irritation, often taking off a layer so you're not feeling overwarm. And it helps to reframe it as "Oh hey my brain is processing too many sensations at once and kind of throwing a tantrum" rather than "Wow I'm really shitty and selfish and judgemental when there's a noisy child." It's been a real change in perspective.
willcipriano 2y ago
Once you have a kid you'll get mad that they don't know how to calm the kid down effectively, or seem to not want to put in the effort in many cases. For example, when we went out to eat with our infant/toddler when she got bored I'd take her outside for a walk to calm her down. 2 - 5 minutes is enough. Then you see parents just scrolling on their iPhone while the little one screams. If I wasn't a man and would have the police called on me, I'd ask them to do it myself.

genter 2y ago

Yes. But I'm a jackass and hate loud noises.

musicale 2y ago
If crying babies were not annoying, we'd be in big trouble. Nonetheless I appreciate parents who mitigate the effect by moving their child, tending to needs, etc. Loud phone conversation and sodcasting however... Human history undoubtedly abounds with instances of youth (or others) claiming public space while irritating elders and authority figures, but loud videos on a phone are a portal to the inferno.

tstrimple 2y ago

Yes. But I do draw a distinction between "normal" child behavior and parents who have literally zero control over their little monsters. Babies cry. It happens. It's fine. Toddlers say or do inappropriate things as they learn to navigate the world. They have meltdowns sometimes too. But then there are parents who let their kids run screaming through shared spaces or lets them knock items off of shelves or harass other people. Decent parents will try to mitigate their children's behavior. Bad parents just watch uselessly.

cafard 2y ago

A crying baby is not misbehaving. A crying baby is wet, hungry, tired, or sick. If the child is sick, the parents don't really have a lot of thought to spare on the bystanders. (Or anyway I didn't. I'm sorry if you resented the noise, but I had someone else on my mind.)

potato3732842 2y ago
It's your responsibility as a parent to teach your kid not to be obnoxious to others within reasonable limits and expectations for its age while also managing the situations it's in so that it's not so hungry/tired/whatever that it can't help itself. Obviously exact expectations all subjective and what's reasonable is a sliding scale based on age of child and situation.
- theGnuMe 2y ago
  I expect adults to maintain emotional control and practice empathy.
  - musicale 2y ago
    Oh, if only. But we can be sure that if one is ever unfortunate enough to lose it then it will probably be in public, recorded, and posted online for posterity.
- vacuity 2y ago
  Note that an outsider is likely not going to have the full picture at a glance, so even if it seems like a "wow, this parent is irresponsible and bad" situation, give some leeway. There are plenty of bad eggs, but also just people having bad days or something else entirely.

dzhiurgis 2y ago

Ironically children who are frequently tranq'd will never learn how to behave publicly.

musicale 2y ago

My pet peeve is parents who hand their children devices and let them turn the volume all the way up.