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I'm in my early sixties. My longest owned possession died last week. It was a dinner plate from the set that my mom served us with growing up. I still used it e

I'm in my early sixties. My longest owned possession died last week. It was a dinner plate from the set that my mom served us with growing up. I still used it every day. I put a butter dish down on it a bit too hard and it shattered. Bringing it to the trash can felt like a funeral procession. Somewhere along the line I read advice not to let objects become totems. I heeded that over the years and have let things go when they seemed to acquire power over me. But sometimes I wish I held on to a few more things from sentiment if not practicality.

xandrius 2y ago
Not sure how many pieces it broke into but it could have been a quite interesting project of kintsugi.
RangerScience 2y ago
I’m a lot younger but I think maybe it’s not about not letting objects become totems, but about being deliberate and intentional about which, and why. I have a lot of friends that keep “altars”; collection of objects sacred to them (and objects that are prayers). I think they’re probably right to do so.
WillAdams 2y ago
For every quality, well-made object there is a point in its existence where it should be evaluated for a transition from usable item to heirloom --- if one chooses to structure their life to include the responsibility and obligation of caring for heirlooms. I have a ceramic milk jug of my great-great-grandfather who was a Civil war veteran (alongside his son) which my daughter will take responsibility for when she gets her first home --- it may be that she will donate it to a library or museum --- her choice. Similarly, I have thousands of books --- my will directs that any which my children do not wish to keep are to be taken to my memorial/funeral service and each person attending will be asked to take at least one, and to relate how they knew me and why they picked the book which they did. (A project for future me is to get acid-free bookplates w/ archival adhesive and apply them to all my books, or maybe I'll just print bookmarks on acid-free paper and put one in each book) Unfortunately, none of the bikes which I had when I was younger survived/were kept (in particular, the Huffy Wind 15-speed had its frame bent on a rainy day because I was never taught to put your foot on the front wheel to slow down) --- currently have two, a folding Montague Swissbike and a Twicycle --- we'll see how they hold up and if I get a third (lusting for a Helix folding bike). Lastly, while I don't have the exact bow (Bear Archery Little Bear) which I got for Christmas when I was 10, I bought one like to it for my son when he expressed an interest in archery, so at least he has that.
- toomuchtodo 2y ago
  I love your comment, because you are intentional about where your possessions should go after you are gone, and for sentimental reasons. Others should take note, these discussions and thoughts should take place before death. Otherwise, it'll all end up at Goodwill or similar, without any of the meaning passed down. "This mattered to me, and I hope it matters to you because X." Also, strongly consider not waiting until death to pass along heirlooms. Give them when you can still enjoy someone else enjoying them, it keeps the memories alive through time. Possessions are fleeting, but we remember how something (or someone) made us feel.
- graemep 2y ago
  I love the book idea. I might copy it.
  - WillAdams 2y ago
    Thanks! I'm flattered. Might make a nice tradition for bibliophiles. Somewhat evocative of the "I was a friend of <the deceased>." from Frank Herbert's _Dune_ which is where I got the idea from --- that and a friend's funeral where his nieces seemed somewhat taken aback by folks such as myself who were in attendance whom they had could not recall having seen before (the only one I had seen previously was a babe in arms at the time, and that didn't seem meet to bring up). The kids are also supposed to take all the unopened bottles from my liquor cabinet and offer them to the Honor Guard/Chaplain as a thank you, with a request that they use them to drink a toast in my honor at some later occasion.
techjamie 2y ago
My longest held possession is my wallet. My mom got it for me at the dollar store when I was 5, I still use it at 32. My mom died when I was 20, so I've had this wallet for a few years longer than I ever had with her.
- CobaltFire 2y ago
  Mine is probably my wallet as well. My wife gave it to me about 18 years ago (when we were dating). We laugh about me looking for a replacement, but never do.
  - Freak_NL 2y ago
    A deep and wide orange cast iron casserole pan my grandmother bought after the war back when you needed to get on a waiting list for an item like that because metal just wasn't available in large quantities for homeware yet. She gave it to me a few years before her death because she couldn't lift it safely any more, and knew I would actually use it and appreciate it. Suffice to say that I still use it frequently, and hope to have it see its centennial jubilee in use.
- somat 2y ago
  Man, what is it about these wallets. I am still using one I acquired in fifth grade, it is sort a mess now 30 years later, and people keep giving me wallets to replace it, which I appreciate, but my ratty old wallet still works, and I have sort of grown fond of it after all this time.
bitwize 2y ago
My dad had a leather stuffed dog he got from his mother when he was a kid. He held onto it for his entire life. When he went to his mother's funeral when she died in her 90s, he brought the leather dog with him and placed it in her coffin -- symbolically to act as a sort of guardian/psychopomp in the hereafter. It was one of the most beautiful partings with a cherished object I'd ever heard of.

xandrius 2y ago

Not sure how many pieces it broke into but it could have been a quite interesting project of kintsugi.

RangerScience 2y ago

I’m a lot younger but I think maybe it’s not about not letting objects become totems, but about being deliberate and intentional about which, and why. I have a lot of friends that keep “altars”; collection of objects sacred to them (and objects that are prayers). I think they’re probably right to do so.

WillAdams 2y ago

For every quality, well-made object there is a point in its existence where it should be evaluated for a transition from usable item to heirloom --- if one chooses to structure their life to include the responsibility and obligation of caring for heirlooms. I have a ceramic milk jug of my great-great-grandfather who was a Civil war veteran (alongside his son) which my daughter will take responsibility for when she gets her first home --- it may be that she will donate it to a library or museum --- her choice. Similarly, I have thousands of books --- my will directs that any which my children do not wish to keep are to be taken to my memorial/funeral service and each person attending will be asked to take at least one, and to relate how they knew me and why they picked the book which they did. (A project for future me is to get acid-free bookplates w/ archival adhesive and apply them to all my books, or maybe I'll just print bookmarks on acid-free paper and put one in each book) Unfortunately, none of the bikes which I had when I was younger survived/were kept (in particular, the Huffy Wind 15-speed had its frame bent on a rainy day because I was never taught to put your foot on the front wheel to slow down) --- currently have two, a folding Montague Swissbike and a Twicycle --- we'll see how they hold up and if I get a third (lusting for a Helix folding bike). Lastly, while I don't have the exact bow (Bear Archery Little Bear) which I got for Christmas when I was 10, I bought one like to it for my son when he expressed an interest in archery, so at least he has that.

toomuchtodo 2y ago
I love your comment, because you are intentional about where your possessions should go after you are gone, and for sentimental reasons. Others should take note, these discussions and thoughts should take place before death. Otherwise, it'll all end up at Goodwill or similar, without any of the meaning passed down. "This mattered to me, and I hope it matters to you because X." Also, strongly consider not waiting until death to pass along heirlooms. Give them when you can still enjoy someone else enjoying them, it keeps the memories alive through time. Possessions are fleeting, but we remember how something (or someone) made us feel.
graemep 2y ago
I love the book idea. I might copy it.
- WillAdams 2y ago
  Thanks! I'm flattered. Might make a nice tradition for bibliophiles. Somewhat evocative of the "I was a friend of <the deceased>." from Frank Herbert's _Dune_ which is where I got the idea from --- that and a friend's funeral where his nieces seemed somewhat taken aback by folks such as myself who were in attendance whom they had could not recall having seen before (the only one I had seen previously was a babe in arms at the time, and that didn't seem meet to bring up). The kids are also supposed to take all the unopened bottles from my liquor cabinet and offer them to the Honor Guard/Chaplain as a thank you, with a request that they use them to drink a toast in my honor at some later occasion.

techjamie 2y ago

My longest held possession is my wallet. My mom got it for me at the dollar store when I was 5, I still use it at 32. My mom died when I was 20, so I've had this wallet for a few years longer than I ever had with her.

CobaltFire 2y ago
Mine is probably my wallet as well. My wife gave it to me about 18 years ago (when we were dating). We laugh about me looking for a replacement, but never do.
- Freak_NL 2y ago
  A deep and wide orange cast iron casserole pan my grandmother bought after the war back when you needed to get on a waiting list for an item like that because metal just wasn't available in large quantities for homeware yet. She gave it to me a few years before her death because she couldn't lift it safely any more, and knew I would actually use it and appreciate it. Suffice to say that I still use it frequently, and hope to have it see its centennial jubilee in use.
somat 2y ago
Man, what is it about these wallets. I am still using one I acquired in fifth grade, it is sort a mess now 30 years later, and people keep giving me wallets to replace it, which I appreciate, but my ratty old wallet still works, and I have sort of grown fond of it after all this time.

bitwize 2y ago

My dad had a leather stuffed dog he got from his mother when he was a kid. He held onto it for his entire life. When he went to his mother's funeral when she died in her 90s, he brought the leather dog with him and placed it in her coffin -- symbolically to act as a sort of guardian/psychopomp in the hereafter. It was one of the most beautiful partings with a cherished object I'd ever heard of.