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> Props to those that find that person, who will co-invest, can be co-patient, co-flexible, co-loyal, co-appreciative, co-vision the first time. That's what da

• TeMPOraL 2y ago
  > It's not magic if you've got your priorities figured out. I doubt most people have their priorities figured out before their 30s. I envy those who do.
  • HeWhoLurksLate 2y ago
    Religion seems to help a lot with figuring out a purpose in life at a young age, too
    • bigfudge 2y ago
      Provided you don’t later conclude it’s an unsatisfying account of many fundamental questions for modern humans, and then need to leave a community or repress interesting and valid ideas.
    • matthewmacleod 2y ago
      The impression I get—without being too dismissive—is that it gives you the opportunity to not bother figuring it out.
      • HKH2 2y ago
        It also helps prevent a descent into hedonism.
        • Nevermark 2y ago
          That’s the canonical boogeyman argument. But most people are just not wired for hedonism, regardless of any particular “faith”. I haven’t seen much difference in hedonism between the non-religious and the religious. Lots of people in the latter category that make me go cross-eyed trying to figure out how they square their circles (I.e. do what they want, celebrate forgiveness for imperfection, out grow their own needs on their own schedule, but still manage to judge others.) And the destructive “hedonists”, I.e. drug addicts, out of control sex addicts, are not really hedonists. They are almost always covering up real pain from some major trauma, anxiety, or hopelessness. Very few people really value a momentary high over long term satisfaction. (Not nobody. I have seen “undamaged” people who fall into every momentary “pleasure” pit without brakes. But at least those I have seen, have all been mentally compromised.)
  • HKH2 2y ago
    That's what parenting is for. 'Just follow your feelings' is not good parenting.
• Nevermark 2y ago
  Priority number one must be seeing into the future. People change as they go through life. People who grow never stop learning how to be more themselves, less of what they were taught or expected to be, or finding new paths. Even the positive side of change can introduce profound instability and unhappiness into a relationship. The idea that if people would just do everything right, no relationship would need to break up is an unhealthy, and completely unrealistic, judgement. And it inadvertently prioritizes relationships over the people actually in them.
  • HKH2 2y ago
    > And it inadvertently prioritizes relationships over the people actually in them. An oath is an oath. You are an individualist, but social stability often matters more than the whims of individuals. > The idea that if people would just do everything right, no relationship would need to break up is an unhealthy, and completely unrealistic, judgement. When people are focused on their 'perfect wedding', you already know priorities are already way off. Marriages need to built on decent foundations, not just feelings. So, I can agree with you that a feelings-focused marriage in an impulse-driven society is unrealistic.
    • Nevermark 2y ago
      > When people are focused on their 'perfect wedding' Perfect wedding? Who said anything about that? > Marriages need to built on decent foundations Well, yes. Did someone argue against that? > not just feelings "Feelings"? Which parent commenter said anything about that? > So, I can agree with you that a feelings-focused marriage in an impulse-driven society is unrealistic. Who are you talking to? You have no idea who I am. How seriously I take commitments. How constructive I have remained in trying times. The end of my previous relationships involved serious circumstances, real people experiencing trauma and tragedy, and a great deal of lasting pain and loss. Another person's misfortunes, which you have no knowledge of, are not a blank canvas you should be painting your careless assumptions and selective "values" on.
      • HKH2 2y ago