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I’ve found most men are actually very open to sharing their feelings if you ask them about it. They’re often relieved to have somebody who actually cares to li

I’ve found most men are actually very open to sharing their feelings if you ask them about it. They’re often relieved to have somebody who actually cares to listen. These studies place the blame on men for not “opening up” or “sharing their feelings”. I think that attitude is hurtful. The blame lies with those who are unwilling to listen, which is honestly most people.

johnny22 2y ago
> I think that attitude is hurtful. The blame lies with those who are unwilling to listen, which is honestly most people. This is my experience. All my guy friends growing up were totally willing to both open up on a personal level when it was just me and them. However, too many of them were willing to make too many jokes at my expense when in a group of multiple guys. So they weren't super helpful in keeping me as that person. I'm sure i was a bit more "thin skinned" or whatever than I should be been, but I expected more from them, since they were willing to be so sincere when it's just me and them. The tonal whiplash was too hard to take. Hopefully we've all grown a bit since then.
- justonenote 2y ago
  Some of the worst advice I've gotten in my life was to 'just ignore' verbal bullying/jokes in group settings. I mean in a way it worked no-one bothered me much because I would just dead-face stare so it was boring to engage with me, and to be clear it was never very severe, but I think the more correct response is to realize that it's just a game of social competition and you should learn to participate in some way or another. You absolutely see this more in males who are very happy and actually want to compete in public group settings, whether verbal, physical, or something mental like chess or programming, depending on your disposition. There is a reason for this which is pretty obvious, but the other side of that is, privately, out of the public eye, before or after, grudges won't be held and things can be shared.

johnny22 2y ago

> I think that attitude is hurtful. The blame lies with those who are unwilling to listen, which is honestly most people. This is my experience. All my guy friends growing up were totally willing to both open up on a personal level when it was just me and them. However, too many of them were willing to make too many jokes at my expense when in a group of multiple guys. So they weren't super helpful in keeping me as that person. I'm sure i was a bit more "thin skinned" or whatever than I should be been, but I expected more from them, since they were willing to be so sincere when it's just me and them. The tonal whiplash was too hard to take. Hopefully we've all grown a bit since then.

justonenote 2y ago
Some of the worst advice I've gotten in my life was to 'just ignore' verbal bullying/jokes in group settings. I mean in a way it worked no-one bothered me much because I would just dead-face stare so it was boring to engage with me, and to be clear it was never very severe, but I think the more correct response is to realize that it's just a game of social competition and you should learn to participate in some way or another. You absolutely see this more in males who are very happy and actually want to compete in public group settings, whether verbal, physical, or something mental like chess or programming, depending on your disposition. There is a reason for this which is pretty obvious, but the other side of that is, privately, out of the public eye, before or after, grudges won't be held and things can be shared.