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I disagree with the title. If all you have in the world is yourself then you may well not make it over the long term. You could get lucky and have an easy life,

I disagree with the title. If all you have in the world is yourself then you may well not make it over the long term. You could get lucky and have an easy life, but its rarely like that. I guess I'm older than the author or their bereaved colleague. I lost one parent thirty yeara ago when I was in my mid twenties, and am now losing the other to dementia. I've lost dear friends along the way. You acquire the scar tissue and you wonder why your only life is like this. But its the people in your life that pull you through, wholly or partly, in whatever state you end-up in. The work ultimately means nothing. Be there for your people.

bravetraveler 2y ago
> I disagree with the title. If all you have in the world is yourself then you may well not make it over the long term. Absolutely none of us do. I'm in my mid 30s, have been without both parents for at least the better part of a decade. What pulled me through? Me. Not to discount what you say, just offer perspective. Several good people have crossed my path, more were worse. Nobody sticks around forever, nor their lessons. Cherish them while you can.
- makeitdouble 2y ago
  It depends on what you expect from your surroundings, but I'd say having people around that don't give you slack for being in a bad spot and just keep moving on until you're out of it can be a big deal. Sure you could be blessed by super supportive, extremely affectionate and compassionate friends all around. But IMHO even having people to keep you in a routine when you'd just want to fall apart can save you from depression. I think a lot of people are pretty helpful without being overboard or too obvious about their empathy for other people.
  - bravetraveler 2y ago
    Definitely. The thing I'm really stressing is our role as the regulator, or sometimes as you mention (RE: depression), jailer
  - netcan 2y ago
    The finer points of "expectation" can be the source of trouble. We form these expectations quite young, and often clouded by love at critical points. Familial, romantic and platonic. Love makes us promises that it cannot keep. Ideals we will not live up to. There is a type of loner sentiment that grows from integrity, and the sharpness of the pain love betrays us.
InsideOutSanta 2y ago
I'm not entirely sure why that is the article's title, since it seems to be about the fact that your coworkers are not your friends, and your work is not your life. Which is true. But maybe I'm missing something.
- js8 2y ago
  Isn't "your coworkers are not your friends, and your work is not your life" kind of depressing, capitalism-realistic, take? I don't see why we couldn't live in a world where coworkers are our friends and work is our life. (My father was a university professor during communist Czechoslovakia, and his life was this kind of way, so it's certainly possible.)
  - itsoktocry 2y ago
    >I don't see why we couldn't live in a world where coworkers are our friends and work is our life. They aren't your friends by default, but nothing says they can't be your friend. In fact, many of my best friends in life are/were coworkers.
  - InsideOutSanta 2y ago
    "Isn't "your coworkers are not your friends, and your work is not your life" kind of depressing, capitalism-realistic, take?" To me, it's just healthy countermessaging to the "we're all a big family" message that corporations tend to send out. We're all a big family... as long as that message helps you identify with the corporation you work for, and makes you behave as if you had an actual stake in the company. As soon as you are no longer useful to the company, though, you're gone. It's a one-way relationship. Most of the "friends" you make at work are friends of convenience. They're friends merely because you spend a lot of time together. It's a backwards relationship. In a healthy friendship, you find people you like, then you decide to spend time together. In a "work friendship", you are forced to spend time together, so you decide that you're friends. Sometimes it works out, because you also actually like each other, but most of the friendships you make at work will stop being friendships when you no longer work together. In my opinion, it's emotionally unhealthy to confuse "work friendship" with real friendship, where people actually care for you, and when your dad dies, don't just immediately go back to normal after posting condolences on Microsoft Teams.

bravetraveler 2y ago

> I disagree with the title. If all you have in the world is yourself then you may well not make it over the long term. Absolutely none of us do. I'm in my mid 30s, have been without both parents for at least the better part of a decade. What pulled me through? Me. Not to discount what you say, just offer perspective. Several good people have crossed my path, more were worse. Nobody sticks around forever, nor their lessons. Cherish them while you can.

makeitdouble 2y ago
It depends on what you expect from your surroundings, but I'd say having people around that don't give you slack for being in a bad spot and just keep moving on until you're out of it can be a big deal. Sure you could be blessed by super supportive, extremely affectionate and compassionate friends all around. But IMHO even having people to keep you in a routine when you'd just want to fall apart can save you from depression. I think a lot of people are pretty helpful without being overboard or too obvious about their empathy for other people.
- bravetraveler 2y ago
  Definitely. The thing I'm really stressing is our role as the regulator, or sometimes as you mention (RE: depression), jailer
- netcan 2y ago
  The finer points of "expectation" can be the source of trouble. We form these expectations quite young, and often clouded by love at critical points. Familial, romantic and platonic. Love makes us promises that it cannot keep. Ideals we will not live up to. There is a type of loner sentiment that grows from integrity, and the sharpness of the pain love betrays us.

InsideOutSanta 2y ago

I'm not entirely sure why that is the article's title, since it seems to be about the fact that your coworkers are not your friends, and your work is not your life. Which is true. But maybe I'm missing something.

js8 2y ago
Isn't "your coworkers are not your friends, and your work is not your life" kind of depressing, capitalism-realistic, take? I don't see why we couldn't live in a world where coworkers are our friends and work is our life. (My father was a university professor during communist Czechoslovakia, and his life was this kind of way, so it's certainly possible.)
- itsoktocry 2y ago
  >I don't see why we couldn't live in a world where coworkers are our friends and work is our life. They aren't your friends by default, but nothing says they can't be your friend. In fact, many of my best friends in life are/were coworkers.
- InsideOutSanta 2y ago
  "Isn't "your coworkers are not your friends, and your work is not your life" kind of depressing, capitalism-realistic, take?" To me, it's just healthy countermessaging to the "we're all a big family" message that corporations tend to send out. We're all a big family... as long as that message helps you identify with the corporation you work for, and makes you behave as if you had an actual stake in the company. As soon as you are no longer useful to the company, though, you're gone. It's a one-way relationship. Most of the "friends" you make at work are friends of convenience. They're friends merely because you spend a lot of time together. It's a backwards relationship. In a healthy friendship, you find people you like, then you decide to spend time together. In a "work friendship", you are forced to spend time together, so you decide that you're friends. Sometimes it works out, because you also actually like each other, but most of the friendships you make at work will stop being friendships when you no longer work together. In my opinion, it's emotionally unhealthy to confuse "work friendship" with real friendship, where people actually care for you, and when your dad dies, don't just immediately go back to normal after posting condolences on Microsoft Teams.