5 ms·

Just had a cancer diagnosis (bile duct, I'm 53). Surgery in a months time will hopefully see me healthy again after it, but I've already decided to make changes

Just had a cancer diagnosis (bile duct, I'm 53). Surgery in a months time will hopefully see me healthy again after it, but I've already decided to make changes even if it has spread and I only have a much shorter time to live. I always thought I'd contemplated life and death before this (I am not religious), but having had several weeks of genuinely not knowing if I only had a week to live, I think you only really do this fully in that kind of situation. Even if I am cured, my life and attitude will never be the same again.

chrisweekly 2y ago
Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. I had a similar experience 12 years ago. Pls email (address in bio) if I can be of any assistance (e.g. book recs). In any case, good luck w/ your surgery!
- unshavedyak 2y ago
  It’s funny, I’ve always just been kinda waiting for death. Probably need meds but never felt like changing “who I am”. I’m curious to see what happens to me when that cancer day comes for someone so apathetic to the whole life experience.
ChrisMarshallNY 2y ago
Back in ‘96, I had a brain tumor, operation, and learning to walk and chew gum again. Kind of a bummer. At the time, I wasn’t ready to retire, but if it had happened 20 years later, it probably would have resulted in my retirement.
Dalewyn 2y ago
My mother suddenly passed from cancer last year at 68, that harrowing experience violently reshifted a lot of my life philosophies. This was perhaps exacerbated by both my grandparents on mom's side also passing just a couple years prior back to back. Among other things violently reshifted: * Time is finite, grows more valuable as I age, and I do not have as much as I think I do. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Time is money and money is time. Money in hand can be spent for others' time so I don't have to spend mine, and money can be replenished while my time cannot be. Money can also be borrowed, but I cannot borrow more time. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Take nothing for granted. Social Security being the prime example; my mother waited until 65 to start taking it and so she barely enjoyed only 3 years of it. I refuse to repeat that, I am taking Social Security at 62 ASAP and screw anyone trying to tell me otherwise for any reason. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * People here today might not be here tomorrow, for any or no reason. The experience of spending time with them can only be had today. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Small problems are not worth the time of day, it is fine to resolve them in the quickest and easiest way possible. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Most of the goings-on in the world will come and go time and time again. If something comes up, it too shall pass and come up again in due time to pass again. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * When I'm finally gone, I'm gone. It is not worth the time of day today to care about what happens after, I will be dead and literally can't care or interject. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.
- rthrth45y 2y ago
  How have these things tangibly changed your life and behavior? Do you have things you could share as an example? I never know what that looks like. Everything I want to do in life to enjoy it requires money I do not have.
  - SoftTalker 2y ago
    Try things that don’t require (a lot of) money. Stuff like expensive travel to far away places is overrated in my opinion. Take walks in the local parks, volunteer locally or join local clubs. You may find something you never thought about that you like doing and that costs very little. Acquiring expensive stuff is almost never deeply rewarding. There are exceptions of course such as good tools you might need for a hobby you enjoy but used tools are often a bargain or there are makerspaces or community workshops you might explore.
  - Dalewyn 2y ago
    There are two significant changes I've noticed in myself: * I mostly stopped caring what others think about me. Outside of a small handful of family and friends, peoples' opinions sincerely do not matter. I am wasting my already finite time thinking about them. That means I've stopped caring as much about looking good, speaking and acting cleanly, and so on in public. Did I disturb someone's peace of mind? Did I make someone happy? Sorry/you're welcome but I don't and can't care; I don't even know who they are and I have things to do. Essentially, "gaze upon my field of damns and notice that it is barren". * I am much more likely to purchase premium services and products now. My time is finite, I do not wish to spend it on things I don't care about any more than I have to. This means I purchase a Windows license or a Macbook rather than deal with Linux config files; I hire a gardener every now and then to tend to my lawn; I take my car to the dealer/mechanic rather than fixing it myself; and so on. I am saving my own time by spending my money, time I can then spend on things I truly care about.
    - 5g45b4 2y ago
      This is all predicated on the fact that money is a resource that everyone has access to, which is not the case. Unfortunately, the rest of us have to work and do things ourselves because we cannot afford to outsource those things. The cost of doing so is literally out of reach. This entire thread is steeped heavily in privilege. I wish, and a huge number of people like me also wish, that we even had the option to trade money for time or the option to just decide work is stressful and we would rather reclaim our time with our family. Instead it's missing your grandparents birthdays and eventually their funerals because work won't let you go and you can't afford rent next month.

chrisweekly 2y ago

Welcome to the club nobody wants to join. I had a similar experience 12 years ago. Pls email (address in bio) if I can be of any assistance (e.g. book recs). In any case, good luck w/ your surgery!

unshavedyak 2y ago
It’s funny, I’ve always just been kinda waiting for death. Probably need meds but never felt like changing “who I am”. I’m curious to see what happens to me when that cancer day comes for someone so apathetic to the whole life experience.

ChrisMarshallNY 2y ago

Back in ‘96, I had a brain tumor, operation, and learning to walk and chew gum again. Kind of a bummer. At the time, I wasn’t ready to retire, but if it had happened 20 years later, it probably would have resulted in my retirement.

Dalewyn 2y ago

My mother suddenly passed from cancer last year at 68, that harrowing experience violently reshifted a lot of my life philosophies. This was perhaps exacerbated by both my grandparents on mom's side also passing just a couple years prior back to back. Among other things violently reshifted: * Time is finite, grows more valuable as I age, and I do not have as much as I think I do. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Time is money and money is time. Money in hand can be spent for others' time so I don't have to spend mine, and money can be replenished while my time cannot be. Money can also be borrowed, but I cannot borrow more time. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Take nothing for granted. Social Security being the prime example; my mother waited until 65 to start taking it and so she barely enjoyed only 3 years of it. I refuse to repeat that, I am taking Social Security at 62 ASAP and screw anyone trying to tell me otherwise for any reason. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * People here today might not be here tomorrow, for any or no reason. The experience of spending time with them can only be had today. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Small problems are not worth the time of day, it is fine to resolve them in the quickest and easiest way possible. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * Most of the goings-on in the world will come and go time and time again. If something comes up, it too shall pass and come up again in due time to pass again. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow. * When I'm finally gone, I'm gone. It is not worth the time of day today to care about what happens after, I will be dead and literally can't care or interject. It is imperative I live now, not tomorrow.

rthrth45y 2y ago
How have these things tangibly changed your life and behavior? Do you have things you could share as an example? I never know what that looks like. Everything I want to do in life to enjoy it requires money I do not have.
- SoftTalker 2y ago
  Try things that don’t require (a lot of) money. Stuff like expensive travel to far away places is overrated in my opinion. Take walks in the local parks, volunteer locally or join local clubs. You may find something you never thought about that you like doing and that costs very little. Acquiring expensive stuff is almost never deeply rewarding. There are exceptions of course such as good tools you might need for a hobby you enjoy but used tools are often a bargain or there are makerspaces or community workshops you might explore.
- Dalewyn 2y ago
  There are two significant changes I've noticed in myself: * I mostly stopped caring what others think about me. Outside of a small handful of family and friends, peoples' opinions sincerely do not matter. I am wasting my already finite time thinking about them. That means I've stopped caring as much about looking good, speaking and acting cleanly, and so on in public. Did I disturb someone's peace of mind? Did I make someone happy? Sorry/you're welcome but I don't and can't care; I don't even know who they are and I have things to do. Essentially, "gaze upon my field of damns and notice that it is barren". * I am much more likely to purchase premium services and products now. My time is finite, I do not wish to spend it on things I don't care about any more than I have to. This means I purchase a Windows license or a Macbook rather than deal with Linux config files; I hire a gardener every now and then to tend to my lawn; I take my car to the dealer/mechanic rather than fixing it myself; and so on. I am saving my own time by spending my money, time I can then spend on things I truly care about.
  - 5g45b4 2y ago
    This is all predicated on the fact that money is a resource that everyone has access to, which is not the case. Unfortunately, the rest of us have to work and do things ourselves because we cannot afford to outsource those things. The cost of doing so is literally out of reach. This entire thread is steeped heavily in privilege. I wish, and a huge number of people like me also wish, that we even had the option to trade money for time or the option to just decide work is stressful and we would rather reclaim our time with our family. Instead it's missing your grandparents birthdays and eventually their funerals because work won't let you go and you can't afford rent next month.