4 ms·

I actually think OK Cupid is a pretty bad idea. It allows people to make things that are pretty superficial when you are together, e.g. politics, deal breakers.

by carom 2y ago

I actually think OK Cupid is a pretty bad idea. It allows people to make things that are pretty superficial when you are together, e.g. politics, deal breakers. An example of this is that I am allergic to cats and would always set that as a deal breaker. It turns out, the woman I met and married has cats. We make it work. The swipe apps are even worse and the whole online dating order is backward. You sort people on very superficial metrics, agree to a date, then see if you have common ground and get along. Social hobbies are the way to go. It is much more natural order where you get to know someone, see if you get along, and then go on a date once it is already established that you like each other.

deleted 2y ago
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PaulRobinson 2y ago
But that's why OK Cupid can work. It's a Bayesian prior being updated with new data, not hardline deal breakers. You and your partner made it work, but if somebody who was exactly the same as your partner in every other respect but who also had cat allergies (and I know this is not possible, never mind feasible to prove), you would from a Bayesian perspective be more compatible than you are with your partner. Also, I don't know where you live, but I'd love to live somewhere where differing politics isn't a deal breaker in a relationship - it must be a pretty settled and stable place. Canada maybe? Switzerland? New Zealand? I'm in the UK, and I (and I think everyone I know), absolutely 100% could not be in a relationship with somebody on the other side of the UK political spectrum any more - it's too divisive, too much has happened, it's not in the slightest bit superficial, and with all the other stuff that needs to go well to make a relationship work over the long term, throwing that in the mix as something to "make work" feels like too high a burden for me. As such, a dating app that gets that out of the way to avoid the awkward and angry second date seems essential in this country at least.

by carom 2y ago

deleted 2y ago

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PaulRobinson 2y ago

But that's why OK Cupid can work. It's a Bayesian prior being updated with new data, not hardline deal breakers. You and your partner made it work, but if somebody who was exactly the same as your partner in every other respect but who also had cat allergies (and I know this is not possible, never mind feasible to prove), you would from a Bayesian perspective be more compatible than you are with your partner. Also, I don't know where you live, but I'd love to live somewhere where differing politics isn't a deal breaker in a relationship - it must be a pretty settled and stable place. Canada maybe? Switzerland? New Zealand? I'm in the UK, and I (and I think everyone I know), absolutely 100% could not be in a relationship with somebody on the other side of the UK political spectrum any more - it's too divisive, too much has happened, it's not in the slightest bit superficial, and with all the other stuff that needs to go well to make a relationship work over the long term, throwing that in the mix as something to "make work" feels like too high a burden for me. As such, a dating app that gets that out of the way to avoid the awkward and angry second date seems essential in this country at least.