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> Part of my job as a father is helping her develop her intellectual stance on "hearsay". And what stance will you set with them to avoid discussing sexual ori

> Part of my job as a father is helping her develop her intellectual stance on "hearsay". And what stance will you set with them to avoid discussing sexual orientation (or religion) when they report that their friend Austin has two moms? Or when their other friend Keesha says that two moms being together is wrong and God will send them to burn in hell? > And I am heterosexual, so that is the sort of environment she is exposed to. Which is my point. You are exposing your child to sexual and gender concepts - you're just limiting the exposure the ones you feel are normal. > Typically this happens at around puberty, at least that is how it worked for basically everyone I know, myself included. Gender identity in particular has nothing to do with physical sexual maturity. It happens much earlier in life. And putting off any talks about gender identity until puberty starts means that the child in question will have changes forced upon their body that they may not want to live with at that point in time, even if they chose to remain their gender assigned to them at birth. General preferences in attraction also start to manifest much earlier than 13; I remember knowing that I liked girls back in first grade. > It's also important that the information comes at a proper age. What age is proper to start teaching, say, math at? If a child can not comprehend geometry, is it too early to teach them how to count? Acknowledging that women can like women and men can like men and sometimes people aren't attracted to either one and all of those are OK and normal, that's something that can be done quite early in life. So can the acknowledgement that someone can be born a girl and grow up as a boy and that too is OK. Neither requires any discussion of the mechanics of sex, nor do they require sexual, physical, or mental maturity. > Right now it has to match my definition of who she is, because she can't meaningfully make any choices on her own. She can't even choose what brand of baby formula I give her[...] My rationale is aimed at more than your child's years as a baby. They won't be a baby for long, and if you're determined to bury your (and by extension their) head in the sand until they're 13 is going to do them no favors. Thankfully, your child is young enough that you have time to think about it.

surgical_fire 2y ago
> when they report that their friend Austin has two moms? Depends on what kind of child she is, and how old she is, I think. A dismissive reply of the sorts of "Yeah, some children have two moms. It is unusual, but it happens" is a likely answer. No reasom to make a fuss about it. If children are picking on the Austin kid for having lesbian moms, I'll try to teach her to be polite to the kid. Children can be cruel sometimes. I know I used to be. > Or when their other friend Keesha says that two moms being together is wrong and God will send them to burn in hell? That one I have been debating myself how to address. Not specifically about some religious parent on a screed about gay people going to hell, but how to explain to her in simple terms that God, Hell, and so on are fictional ideas, allegories to try to explain the world, in a way that a child can understand, that is. > Which is my point. You are exposing your child to sexual and gender concepts - you're just limiting the exposure the ones you feel are normal. Yes, absolutely. > What age is proper to start teaching, say, math at? If a child can not comprehend geometry, is it too early to teach them how to count? Depends. My father started to teach me some simple math concepts when I was around 3 or 4. I already could do simple addition and subtraction when I started school, for example. I plan to nudge her with those concepts when it comes time to play with her, but she has to show interest too. Forcing does nothing good. > Acknowledging that women can like women and men can like men and sometimes people aren't attracted to either one and all of those are OK and normal, that's something that can be done quite early in life. So can the acknowledgement that someone can be born a girl and grow up as a boy and that too is OK. Neither requires any discussion of the mechanics of sex, nor do they require sexual, physical, or mental maturity. I fundamentally disagree with basically everything written there. At a too young age she will be ill-equiped to understand the consequences of her choices, both at a personal level and at a social level. > My rationale is aimed at more than your child's years as a baby. They won't be a baby for long, and if you're determined to bury your (and by extension their) head in the sand until they're 13 is going to do them no favors. I can only do my best, to the best of my judgement. As she gradually grows and builds her own interests and desires, my plan is to be a sort of guide, helping her navigate a complex (and sometimes malevolent) world. I can at most nudge her in some directions, but ultimately I can't really force anything.

surgical_fire 2y ago

> when they report that their friend Austin has two moms? Depends on what kind of child she is, and how old she is, I think. A dismissive reply of the sorts of "Yeah, some children have two moms. It is unusual, but it happens" is a likely answer. No reasom to make a fuss about it. If children are picking on the Austin kid for having lesbian moms, I'll try to teach her to be polite to the kid. Children can be cruel sometimes. I know I used to be. > Or when their other friend Keesha says that two moms being together is wrong and God will send them to burn in hell? That one I have been debating myself how to address. Not specifically about some religious parent on a screed about gay people going to hell, but how to explain to her in simple terms that God, Hell, and so on are fictional ideas, allegories to try to explain the world, in a way that a child can understand, that is. > Which is my point. You are exposing your child to sexual and gender concepts - you're just limiting the exposure the ones you feel are normal. Yes, absolutely. > What age is proper to start teaching, say, math at? If a child can not comprehend geometry, is it too early to teach them how to count? Depends. My father started to teach me some simple math concepts when I was around 3 or 4. I already could do simple addition and subtraction when I started school, for example. I plan to nudge her with those concepts when it comes time to play with her, but she has to show interest too. Forcing does nothing good. > Acknowledging that women can like women and men can like men and sometimes people aren't attracted to either one and all of those are OK and normal, that's something that can be done quite early in life. So can the acknowledgement that someone can be born a girl and grow up as a boy and that too is OK. Neither requires any discussion of the mechanics of sex, nor do they require sexual, physical, or mental maturity. I fundamentally disagree with basically everything written there. At a too young age she will be ill-equiped to understand the consequences of her choices, both at a personal level and at a social level. > My rationale is aimed at more than your child's years as a baby. They won't be a baby for long, and if you're determined to bury your (and by extension their) head in the sand until they're 13 is going to do them no favors. I can only do my best, to the best of my judgement. As she gradually grows and builds her own interests and desires, my plan is to be a sort of guide, helping her navigate a complex (and sometimes malevolent) world. I can at most nudge her in some directions, but ultimately I can't really force anything.