That's why it's your fault, because you won't make decisions. You feel like there are rules and guardrails constraining you and bringing order to society but it

That's why it's your fault, because you won't make decisions. You feel like there are rules and guardrails constraining you and bringing order to society but it is not so. If you envision the reality and live it, then it will manifest. Some people thinks this means being forceful and demanding. Just the opposite. Then again, I doubt the company has a reward structure in place that even makes the mental energy worth expending. If you aren't on the way up, then you are on the way out.