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Who needs a "back and forth" when you can just say what you mean. I give my male friends big, long hugs and tell them I love them. If there's a problem, I talk

Who needs a "back and forth" when you can just say what you mean. I give my male friends big, long hugs and tell them I love them. If there's a problem, I talk to them about it. If I fuck up, I sincerely apologize. Not that you can't do all that AND give each other some shit. But if you aren't doing all that I suggest giving it a shot.

maxbond 2y ago
I think there's a few things at work: 1. Men are socialized to only be emotive in aggressive or masculine ways. Expressing vulnerability is met with mockery until you learn to stop doing it. 2. Sometimes people don't know how to communicate in a way that's effective without being tactless. Sometimes they think such communication isn't possible, expressed in cliches like "truth hurts", "I'm just showing you tough love" or "you need to grow a thicker skin." (Sometimes this works, but in my experience it's actually a lot easier to communicate if you don't express yourself in a way that's personal and insulting, it distracts from what you actually want to discuss. My policy for expressing uncomfortable criticism is, "speak plainly and clearly, drop the superlatives, and get it done sooner than later.")
- standardUser 2y ago
  > 1. Men are socialized to only be emotive in aggressive or masculine ways. Some men, absolutely. Most men? Maybe. But I removed those kinds of people from my life years ago. The few men I involuntarily socialize with are coworkers, mostly programmers, and they tend to be on the less macho side generally, thank god.
  - maxbond 2y ago
    To be clear I just meant there was pressure to behave that way, not that it's destiny.
  - dyauspitr 2y ago
    I removed the emotive kind. I’m not comfortable around them and I find them to be heavily involved with their identity and defining themselves and less about building things and going places. These are obviously broad strokes but anecdotally they have generally held true.

maxbond 2y ago

I think there's a few things at work: 1. Men are socialized to only be emotive in aggressive or masculine ways. Expressing vulnerability is met with mockery until you learn to stop doing it. 2. Sometimes people don't know how to communicate in a way that's effective without being tactless. Sometimes they think such communication isn't possible, expressed in cliches like "truth hurts", "I'm just showing you tough love" or "you need to grow a thicker skin." (Sometimes this works, but in my experience it's actually a lot easier to communicate if you don't express yourself in a way that's personal and insulting, it distracts from what you actually want to discuss. My policy for expressing uncomfortable criticism is, "speak plainly and clearly, drop the superlatives, and get it done sooner than later.")

standardUser 2y ago
> 1. Men are socialized to only be emotive in aggressive or masculine ways. Some men, absolutely. Most men? Maybe. But I removed those kinds of people from my life years ago. The few men I involuntarily socialize with are coworkers, mostly programmers, and they tend to be on the less macho side generally, thank god.
- maxbond 2y ago
  To be clear I just meant there was pressure to behave that way, not that it's destiny.
- dyauspitr 2y ago
  I removed the emotive kind. I’m not comfortable around them and I find them to be heavily involved with their identity and defining themselves and less about building things and going places. These are obviously broad strokes but anecdotally they have generally held true.