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>in the end we were unlikely to be friends off the bike because our lifestyles were so different. ?????????????? is a lesbians lifestyle SO different than a s

>in the end we were unlikely to be friends off the bike because our lifestyles were so different. ?????????????? is a lesbians lifestyle SO different than a straight male that friendship is absolutely incompatible?!! if they live in the same city as you, chances are they have the same lifestyle like you. Unless they're part of the 1% (millionaires/billionaires, famous people, etc), there's nothing in their lifestyle that would stop a friendship from forming and continuing. More and more I see segregation growing in our society, like slowly moving cracks in a glass panel. As one's identity becomes narrower, more specific, so does the Other's definition expands and, ultimately, separates. I wish people would remember we're all, all, the same, running on the same hardware, feeling the same emotions, having the same reactions and instincts, even if our life experiences might be different. Really, there are no aliens on Earth, none; it's just Us here.

gambiting 2y ago
I don't read it as "their lifestyle was so different [because they were lesbians]" - it just sounds like it was different regardless of their sexuality. Like I'm very technically minded, but I have friends who are super into arts and spiritual stuff - I'd say our lifestyles are very different, but if I said "I have a pair of gay friends and our lifestyles are very different" you could get the wrong message and think I'm insinuating that it's because they are gay.
- GeoAtreides 2y ago
  Yeah no, I read it exactly like you, nothing insinuating about anyone sexuality. It's not that group A lifestyle is very different than group B lifestyle, but that the differences are not enough to preclude friendship. Neither in OP's example, nor yours.
seba_dos1 2y ago
> if they live in the same city as you, chances are they have the same lifestyle like you. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proofs.
- GeoAtreides 2y ago
  Most people, in a city, or even in a rural environment, work 5 days a week, have a roof over their heads, sometimes go out to eat, sometimes go to walks in the parks, sometimes they host get-togethers at their homes. And so you can be friends with most people in your city. Because they're not jet setters, famous people, politicians, or other 1% special people with VERY different lifestyle than most people.
  - seba_dos1 2y ago
    It's rather hard to bond over having a roof over one's head. But sure, it's not impossible... Seems like you're just entirely missing the OP's point.
    - GeoAtreides 2y ago
      Hobbies and shared passions are not the only things people can bond over. You know, sometimes I need to remind myself this site has people from other cultures and also significantly younger than me.
      - seba_dos1 2y ago
        Of course not. They just happen to be the easiest things to bond over. Yeah, you certainly do. Even your list of what "most people" share mostly doesn't apply to this white straight thirty-something mid-class guy living with his partner in the capital of an European country writing this comment to you right now. And regardless of that, it fails to be relevant in the context of OP's post - he found the lifestyles to be different enough to matter, and you come here and reply "no, you didn't".
        GeoAtreides 2y ago
        That's not what I said, though. What I said was the lifestyles are not actual that different and to stop segregating and splintering into smaller and smaller tribes.
pmg101 2y ago
In principle you're right, and yet if you examine the world empirically you find that birds of a feather tend to flock together. It's such a truism they even coined a proverb to cover it. And I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with that either, particularly for members of oppressed or minority groups.
- GeoAtreides 2y ago
  The only thing we disagree is the number of feathers on birds. You see, I think people have more than one feather at the same time -- more than one attribute, characteristic, etc., at the same time. Identity is more than 'lesbian' or 'single geeky father' or 'gym bro' or 'nerd' or 'of model'. And even if it was, there is nothing in that identity that stops a friendship from forming with other people with different identities.

gambiting 2y ago

I don't read it as "their lifestyle was so different [because they were lesbians]" - it just sounds like it was different regardless of their sexuality. Like I'm very technically minded, but I have friends who are super into arts and spiritual stuff - I'd say our lifestyles are very different, but if I said "I have a pair of gay friends and our lifestyles are very different" you could get the wrong message and think I'm insinuating that it's because they are gay.

GeoAtreides 2y ago
Yeah no, I read it exactly like you, nothing insinuating about anyone sexuality. It's not that group A lifestyle is very different than group B lifestyle, but that the differences are not enough to preclude friendship. Neither in OP's example, nor yours.

seba_dos1 2y ago

> if they live in the same city as you, chances are they have the same lifestyle like you. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proofs.

GeoAtreides 2y ago
Most people, in a city, or even in a rural environment, work 5 days a week, have a roof over their heads, sometimes go out to eat, sometimes go to walks in the parks, sometimes they host get-togethers at their homes. And so you can be friends with most people in your city. Because they're not jet setters, famous people, politicians, or other 1% special people with VERY different lifestyle than most people.
- seba_dos1 2y ago
  It's rather hard to bond over having a roof over one's head. But sure, it's not impossible... Seems like you're just entirely missing the OP's point.
  - GeoAtreides 2y ago
    Hobbies and shared passions are not the only things people can bond over. You know, sometimes I need to remind myself this site has people from other cultures and also significantly younger than me.
    - seba_dos1 2y ago
      Of course not. They just happen to be the easiest things to bond over. Yeah, you certainly do. Even your list of what "most people" share mostly doesn't apply to this white straight thirty-something mid-class guy living with his partner in the capital of an European country writing this comment to you right now. And regardless of that, it fails to be relevant in the context of OP's post - he found the lifestyles to be different enough to matter, and you come here and reply "no, you didn't".
      - GeoAtreides 2y ago
        That's not what I said, though. What I said was the lifestyles are not actual that different and to stop segregating and splintering into smaller and smaller tribes.

pmg101 2y ago

In principle you're right, and yet if you examine the world empirically you find that birds of a feather tend to flock together. It's such a truism they even coined a proverb to cover it. And I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with that either, particularly for members of oppressed or minority groups.

GeoAtreides 2y ago
The only thing we disagree is the number of feathers on birds. You see, I think people have more than one feather at the same time -- more than one attribute, characteristic, etc., at the same time. Identity is more than 'lesbian' or 'single geeky father' or 'gym bro' or 'nerd' or 'of model'. And even if it was, there is nothing in that identity that stops a friendship from forming with other people with different identities.