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>Your situation doesn't seem "normal". This perspective is so mind-blowing to me. I'm Western European, and all of my male friends have female friends, all of

>Your situation doesn't seem "normal". This perspective is so mind-blowing to me. I'm Western European, and all of my male friends have female friends, all of my female friends have male friends. That's what's normal to me. When I hear people say things like "friendship between men and women always has sexual tension," that's what sounds "not normal" to me. I guess it has a lot to do with cultural norms and gender roles.

infecto 2y ago
I'm not sure if this was the intention, but while I believe anyone can be friends, the comment about 'if anyone got naked and changed clothes' doesn't seem entirely typical for most cultures.
- InsideOutSanta 2y ago
  When we go skiing, for example, we all change from jeans into Winter clothes outside the car after parking at the resort. I've seen most of my friends in their undies, regardless of gender. It's not sexual, it's just convenient. I have no idea how common these types of situations are elsewhere.
moribunda 2y ago
Commenting on such topics on hn makes me want to have some kind of footer with a/s/l/salary/social class etc. I'm from central/eastern Europe, and I feel a little bit of WEIRD bias [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology#WEIRD_bias https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology#WEIRD_bias] in many opinions presented here. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just finding myself more and more blocked when it comes to discussing such topics. Your friends have friends of different sex - I get it, but for how long we would have to debate here to check if there really is no sexual tension there. Where does relationships come from then in those groups? None of those friends become pairs/partners? There are no ex-lovers who after 10-20 years are coming back together from the "friendship phase". Etc. On the other hand, I never said that there is only sexual tension. Just that it's hard for me to imagine a world where it's not important.
- standardUser 2y ago
  Sexual interest is not wholly absent from my mixed gender friendships. But I wouldn't call it "tension" in most cases. Some are people I have been intimate with before, but now that is in the past. Some are now married with children and I am friends with their spouses (and kids) and would never, ever try to inject sex. Some I am not at all attracted to, and some are not at all attracted to me. And some I hope to someday fool around with! It's not simple, but the vast majority of the time it is not a problem either. The real problem comes from jealous partners, and I personally would never date someone who is so jealous that they cause problems with my existing friendships.
  - InsideOutSanta 2y ago
    Yeah, I agree with that. For example, I'm friends with most of my exes. We're all in new relationships. I sometimes go out for dinner with one of them to catch up on life and talk. There is no sexual tension at all, because we are in different relationships, so sex is not something we even think about! If we were both single and an ex would call me and ask if I'm alone tonight and if she can drop by and watch a movie, then that would be a completely different situation, and there very likely would be sexual tension. But this is highly situational and has more to do with circumstances than with the people involved. Just because I had sex with a person in the past or might in the future or could in theory does not mean that there is constant sexual tension between us.
    - kelipso 2y ago
      Yeah this is absolutely not normal among most people, probably the vast majority of people.
      - standardUser 2y ago
        Not normal to be friends with any exes or people you've had sex with? Maybe not too common in ones 20's, but more likely by their 30's or 40's. Lot's of friendships start with brief dating/hookup that doesn't lead anywhere romantically. And frequently major relationships leave bonds that persist after the relationship ends. I'd be hard pressed to think of ANYONE I know who does not have at least one friendship like that (I'm early 40s).

infecto 2y ago

I'm not sure if this was the intention, but while I believe anyone can be friends, the comment about 'if anyone got naked and changed clothes' doesn't seem entirely typical for most cultures.

InsideOutSanta 2y ago
When we go skiing, for example, we all change from jeans into Winter clothes outside the car after parking at the resort. I've seen most of my friends in their undies, regardless of gender. It's not sexual, it's just convenient. I have no idea how common these types of situations are elsewhere.

moribunda 2y ago

Commenting on such topics on hn makes me want to have some kind of footer with a/s/l/salary/social class etc. I'm from central/eastern Europe, and I feel a little bit of WEIRD bias [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology#WEIRD_bias https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology#WEIRD_bias] in many opinions presented here. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just finding myself more and more blocked when it comes to discussing such topics. Your friends have friends of different sex - I get it, but for how long we would have to debate here to check if there really is no sexual tension there. Where does relationships come from then in those groups? None of those friends become pairs/partners? There are no ex-lovers who after 10-20 years are coming back together from the "friendship phase". Etc. On the other hand, I never said that there is only sexual tension. Just that it's hard for me to imagine a world where it's not important.

standardUser 2y ago
Sexual interest is not wholly absent from my mixed gender friendships. But I wouldn't call it "tension" in most cases. Some are people I have been intimate with before, but now that is in the past. Some are now married with children and I am friends with their spouses (and kids) and would never, ever try to inject sex. Some I am not at all attracted to, and some are not at all attracted to me. And some I hope to someday fool around with! It's not simple, but the vast majority of the time it is not a problem either. The real problem comes from jealous partners, and I personally would never date someone who is so jealous that they cause problems with my existing friendships.
- InsideOutSanta 2y ago
  Yeah, I agree with that. For example, I'm friends with most of my exes. We're all in new relationships. I sometimes go out for dinner with one of them to catch up on life and talk. There is no sexual tension at all, because we are in different relationships, so sex is not something we even think about! If we were both single and an ex would call me and ask if I'm alone tonight and if she can drop by and watch a movie, then that would be a completely different situation, and there very likely would be sexual tension. But this is highly situational and has more to do with circumstances than with the people involved. Just because I had sex with a person in the past or might in the future or could in theory does not mean that there is constant sexual tension between us.
  - kelipso 2y ago
    Yeah this is absolutely not normal among most people, probably the vast majority of people.
    - standardUser 2y ago
      Not normal to be friends with any exes or people you've had sex with? Maybe not too common in ones 20's, but more likely by their 30's or 40's. Lot's of friendships start with brief dating/hookup that doesn't lead anywhere romantically. And frequently major relationships leave bonds that persist after the relationship ends. I'd be hard pressed to think of ANYONE I know who does not have at least one friendship like that (I'm early 40s).