3 ms·

Cycling disproportionally attracts men who are also technically minded. It gets people who tend to be in their heads into their bodies and also taps into a spir

Cycling disproportionally attracts men who are also technically minded. It gets people who tend to be in their heads into their bodies and also taps into a spirit of adventure. It can be very seductive to those who catch the bug, but it is also very insular. For me, the romance eventually faded after about a decade of serious riding and racing (I was a nationally competitive cat 1 road racer to give a sense of how in it I was). As I drifted away, I found that there was very little depth to almost all of the friendships I'd made through cycling. Only one friendship survived the long run and it was almost my entire social life for a decade. There is also the problem that it can very easily trigger unhealthy levels of competitiveness, either in distance or speed which can lead to awkward dynamics. As the saying goes, once you have two bikes together, you have a race. I had a friend who was a masters national champion who eventually became utterly intolerable because he had little to talk about besides his rides. Now I find meaning and friendship in spiritual and creative communities (I'm being vague because what works for me may not work for you). I'm grateful for the lessons I learned from cycling, but I haven't looked back since hanging up the cleats years ago. That all being said, for those who love it: keep loving it! Just sharing my experience.

namaria 2y ago
In my experience the thing men have a problem with is not having too technical hobbies or too much focus on task or whatever people say. We just never learn to be vulnerable and nice. Just by opening up and having real conversations and telling my friends I like them and I value them has been the real way to bond. Who knew, being open and honest works! It's not about what you do or who you do it with. It's about telling them they are important to you.
- johnnyanmac 2y ago
  Not sure it is a problem per se (people bond in different ways), but yes. Often times when you invite male friends over you have an objective. Be it to watch the game, twiddle with a project, or just drink on the lawn absorbing sun. And people just have so little time. I pick solitary hobbies because I know we'll never get some team hobby done. So if suddenly we can't meet for a month+ I can at least finish that video game as opposed to something like a D&D campaign that will just fester. And yeah, that mentality is part of the problem. But I can't make people want to hang out. I've been regularly going to meetups now and it's about the same as pre-COVID, where instead of forming a deep bond with a few people, you get maybe 1-2 regulars and a revolving door of new people. People are just so flaky these days (I imagine many for good reason, but still).
johnnyanmac 2y ago
I feel like that's many male friendsships on or off a bike. Many are shallow and kind of bound to some sort of activity, especially physical ones. Could be societal since many male activities focus on the activity over the bonding (cliche joke: "Best friend of my life, we talked for 2 years. Never did learn his name").
- jimmaswell 2y ago
  "I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes." - Ron Swanson
  - johnnyanmac 2y ago
    Thank you. I couldn't find the quote when searching.
im3w1l 2y ago
My thinking is that if you only meet someone in one particular context say cycling, then you are cycling-buddies. Or work, they are just colleagues. But if you start meeting them in a separate context as well that's how they can become lasting friends. And you have to kind of intentionally guide things this way if that's what you want.

namaria 2y ago

In my experience the thing men have a problem with is not having too technical hobbies or too much focus on task or whatever people say. We just never learn to be vulnerable and nice. Just by opening up and having real conversations and telling my friends I like them and I value them has been the real way to bond. Who knew, being open and honest works! It's not about what you do or who you do it with. It's about telling them they are important to you.

johnnyanmac 2y ago
Not sure it is a problem per se (people bond in different ways), but yes. Often times when you invite male friends over you have an objective. Be it to watch the game, twiddle with a project, or just drink on the lawn absorbing sun. And people just have so little time. I pick solitary hobbies because I know we'll never get some team hobby done. So if suddenly we can't meet for a month+ I can at least finish that video game as opposed to something like a D&D campaign that will just fester. And yeah, that mentality is part of the problem. But I can't make people want to hang out. I've been regularly going to meetups now and it's about the same as pre-COVID, where instead of forming a deep bond with a few people, you get maybe 1-2 regulars and a revolving door of new people. People are just so flaky these days (I imagine many for good reason, but still).

johnnyanmac 2y ago

I feel like that's many male friendsships on or off a bike. Many are shallow and kind of bound to some sort of activity, especially physical ones. Could be societal since many male activities focus on the activity over the bonding (cliche joke: "Best friend of my life, we talked for 2 years. Never did learn his name").

jimmaswell 2y ago
"I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes." - Ron Swanson
- johnnyanmac 2y ago
  Thank you. I couldn't find the quote when searching.

im3w1l 2y ago

My thinking is that if you only meet someone in one particular context say cycling, then you are cycling-buddies. Or work, they are just colleagues. But if you start meeting them in a separate context as well that's how they can become lasting friends. And you have to kind of intentionally guide things this way if that's what you want.