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A really weird piece in a way because to me a lot of the stuff sounds like it's a post from 40 years ago. From the beginning of the article where he mentioned t

A really weird piece in a way because to me a lot of the stuff sounds like it's a post from 40 years ago. From the beginning of the article where he mentioned that every friend has settled in the 'burbs to "It requires a purging of entire realms of my shitty male points of view, from shaming self-talk to the latent homophobia I encounter within myself when the instructor tells us to dance, to “make it cute." A guy in his 30s feels "latent homophobia" from dancing? Would be interesting to know where exactly the author hails from. It's great that he found friends in a spinning class but honestly a more general way to deal with this, just move to a big city where people in their 20/30s/40s are available to hang out and men have hobbies?

lazide 2y ago
He’s just referring to why a lot of dudes don’t consider ‘non-guy’ stuff. Because they’ve been trained that it’s ‘gay’, and that ‘gay’ is bad.
ido 2y ago
He mentions towards the end he’s in Nashville.
AbstractH24 2y ago
> just move to a big city where people in their 20/30s/40s are available to hang out and men have hobbies? I’d venture to say I hear about more folks who feel alone in big cities than small. And it’s not necessarily “latent homophobia” of the kind where you think people who are gay should be subject to hell, fire, and brimstone. More one where you worry about being the outsider or labeled as something you aren’t and having all the cliches that come with it attached to you. But what do I know? I’m just a cis, straight, marrried, childless, white man in his 30s, living in the in the city and working in tech after spending his 20s in the arts. The guy who felt weird not coming out in college when all the folks around him were (I actually tried to and then realized I had nothing to come out from)
infecto 2y ago
I didn’t get that impression from the writing at all. Regarding big cities, I think this issue affects people living in urban areas too. From a U.S. perspective, NYC is a bit unique since it has more long-term residents, but in most other parts of the country, including the Bay Area, there’s a period in your 30s when people start settling down, and it's easy to drift apart depending on the dynamics of your friend group.
rsynnott 2y ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculine_fragility https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculine_fragility It's getting to be maybe a _bit_ less of a thing, but it's still a thing, certainly for many people in their 30s.

lazide 2y ago

He’s just referring to why a lot of dudes don’t consider ‘non-guy’ stuff. Because they’ve been trained that it’s ‘gay’, and that ‘gay’ is bad.

ido 2y ago

He mentions towards the end he’s in Nashville.

AbstractH24 2y ago

> just move to a big city where people in their 20/30s/40s are available to hang out and men have hobbies? I’d venture to say I hear about more folks who feel alone in big cities than small. And it’s not necessarily “latent homophobia” of the kind where you think people who are gay should be subject to hell, fire, and brimstone. More one where you worry about being the outsider or labeled as something you aren’t and having all the cliches that come with it attached to you. But what do I know? I’m just a cis, straight, marrried, childless, white man in his 30s, living in the in the city and working in tech after spending his 20s in the arts. The guy who felt weird not coming out in college when all the folks around him were (I actually tried to and then realized I had nothing to come out from)

infecto 2y ago

I didn’t get that impression from the writing at all. Regarding big cities, I think this issue affects people living in urban areas too. From a U.S. perspective, NYC is a bit unique since it has more long-term residents, but in most other parts of the country, including the Bay Area, there’s a period in your 30s when people start settling down, and it's easy to drift apart depending on the dynamics of your friend group.

rsynnott 2y ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculine_fragility https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculine_fragility It's getting to be maybe a _bit_ less of a thing, but it's still a thing, certainly for many people in their 30s.