4 ms·

Wait, you would seriously hold that against a potential mate if they were open about it and honest about their motivations?

lynx23 2y ago
Er, yes. Without a question. Would you date an ex-prostitue?
- groestl 2y ago
  How would you even know if somebody you like had engaged in transactional sex before?
  - ljsprague 2y ago
    He admitted it in an attempt to get me back.
  - deleted 2y ago
    [deleted]
- Freak_NL 2y ago
  As long as she matched with me on a personal, intellectual, and moral level, and is a good match in general, sure. I would like to understand her motivations for doing so of course, but that's what dating is all about. Besides, if some other hypothetical perfect match told me she still went to church until her 25th and actually believed all that stuff I wouldn't dismiss her outright either for doing something so silly, but similarly seek to understand her first.
- hungie 2y ago
  If we connected, why not? I guess I'd make sure we both had clean sti panels before engaging in sex, but I'd do that with any partner. "They used their dick or vagina to make money" is not any different to me than "they used their brain or hands to make money".
  - alt227 2y ago
    Thats a fine opinion, and I fully agree with you. However its slightly different to the discussed point here, which is that people who use their dick or vagina to make money publicly can later have that used against them. Theres nothing wrong with dating a sex worker, but when you want to make them a wife and have children, there becomes a risk that some crazy drug addict is going to spot them in the future and do something. Mabye they are going to call out to your wife while she is dropping the kids off at school. Maybe they will be a bit more sinister and threaten to send old OF videos to your kids ands kids teachers email address unless you give them some money, or do it again etc. These are of course hypotheticals, but they have happened in the past and it is a risk, however small, of having an ex sex worker as a life partner.
    - hungie 2y ago
      It can only be used against you if people think it can be used against you. Like, imagine a world where we said, " you flipped burgers in college? Eww gross, you've robbed your life!" It sounds absurd because we've collectively decided one of those jobs is good and one is bad. We can collectively decide they are both fine, actually. Also, if you're that model includes "random drug addict who is aware of my wife's porn career notices my wife, then chooses to act on it" I think your threat model may need revising. Yes, I'm sure that happens hundreds of times a year in the US. Driving a car to school seems statistically MUCH more dangerous.
beaglesss 2y ago
I wouldn't and I haven't, and I have dated a sex industry worker. BUT When I dated someone in the industry I quickly realized why many people avoid such workers. It's highly correlated with HEAVY drug use, severe mental illness, and sad family stories. Not challenges lot of people looking for in a relationship, especially if they want children.
- mrguyorama 2y ago
  Oh wow, god forbid you date someone who wasn't as privileged in their past. I get what you are saying, but nearly everyone who has ever lived is full of baggage. After a certain age, any relationship you start will involve talking about all the bad shit you both experienced, how it affected you, how you've grown and dealt with it, etc. Just be an adult about it. What matters is whether a person who had a bad past is willing to put in the effort to deal with it. A former heavy drug abuser who sought out some form of treatment or has largely healed is a fine partner. A partner who is still sneaking out and stealing to get their fix is much less so. It's really really easy to just not hold someone's past against them too hard if they are demonstrably a better person currently.
  - lynx23 2y ago
    > demonstrably a better person currently Yeah, but thats the point. How should I know. Its a matter of trust. If you have made decisions like that in the past, why should I trust you to have changed? People are deceptive. Better avoid the drama altogether.
  - matrix87 2y ago
    Elephant in the room is STIs
trackflak 2y ago
[flagged]
raxxorraxor 2y ago
I would. I have a different relation to sexuality and intimacy. Never say never to love, but it certainly wouldn't help.

lynx23 2y ago

Er, yes. Without a question. Would you date an ex-prostitue?

groestl 2y ago
How would you even know if somebody you like had engaged in transactional sex before?
- ljsprague 2y ago
  He admitted it in an attempt to get me back.
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
Freak_NL 2y ago
As long as she matched with me on a personal, intellectual, and moral level, and is a good match in general, sure. I would like to understand her motivations for doing so of course, but that's what dating is all about. Besides, if some other hypothetical perfect match told me she still went to church until her 25th and actually believed all that stuff I wouldn't dismiss her outright either for doing something so silly, but similarly seek to understand her first.
hungie 2y ago
If we connected, why not? I guess I'd make sure we both had clean sti panels before engaging in sex, but I'd do that with any partner. "They used their dick or vagina to make money" is not any different to me than "they used their brain or hands to make money".
- alt227 2y ago
  Thats a fine opinion, and I fully agree with you. However its slightly different to the discussed point here, which is that people who use their dick or vagina to make money publicly can later have that used against them. Theres nothing wrong with dating a sex worker, but when you want to make them a wife and have children, there becomes a risk that some crazy drug addict is going to spot them in the future and do something. Mabye they are going to call out to your wife while she is dropping the kids off at school. Maybe they will be a bit more sinister and threaten to send old OF videos to your kids ands kids teachers email address unless you give them some money, or do it again etc. These are of course hypotheticals, but they have happened in the past and it is a risk, however small, of having an ex sex worker as a life partner.
  - hungie 2y ago
    It can only be used against you if people think it can be used against you. Like, imagine a world where we said, " you flipped burgers in college? Eww gross, you've robbed your life!" It sounds absurd because we've collectively decided one of those jobs is good and one is bad. We can collectively decide they are both fine, actually. Also, if you're that model includes "random drug addict who is aware of my wife's porn career notices my wife, then chooses to act on it" I think your threat model may need revising. Yes, I'm sure that happens hundreds of times a year in the US. Driving a car to school seems statistically MUCH more dangerous.

beaglesss 2y ago

I wouldn't and I haven't, and I have dated a sex industry worker. BUT When I dated someone in the industry I quickly realized why many people avoid such workers. It's highly correlated with HEAVY drug use, severe mental illness, and sad family stories. Not challenges lot of people looking for in a relationship, especially if they want children.

mrguyorama 2y ago
Oh wow, god forbid you date someone who wasn't as privileged in their past. I get what you are saying, but nearly everyone who has ever lived is full of baggage. After a certain age, any relationship you start will involve talking about all the bad shit you both experienced, how it affected you, how you've grown and dealt with it, etc. Just be an adult about it. What matters is whether a person who had a bad past is willing to put in the effort to deal with it. A former heavy drug abuser who sought out some form of treatment or has largely healed is a fine partner. A partner who is still sneaking out and stealing to get their fix is much less so. It's really really easy to just not hold someone's past against them too hard if they are demonstrably a better person currently.
- lynx23 2y ago
  > demonstrably a better person currently Yeah, but thats the point. How should I know. Its a matter of trust. If you have made decisions like that in the past, why should I trust you to have changed? People are deceptive. Better avoid the drama altogether.
- matrix87 2y ago
  Elephant in the room is STIs

trackflak 2y ago

[flagged]

raxxorraxor 2y ago

I would. I have a different relation to sexuality and intimacy. Never say never to love, but it certainly wouldn't help.