4 ms·

My son was embarrassed that he wet himself during class one day (he's way too old for this, we've had him medically evaluated and come out with no medical issue

My son was embarrassed that he wet himself during class one day (he's way too old for this, we've had him medically evaluated and come out with no medical issues, etc... he just will get engrossed in screens and relieve himself because he doesn't want to leave to the bathroom). Anyway the substitute teacher that day believed his sob story about how angry his mother would get when she finds out he's soiled himself, and this ends up in a referral to child protective services. A case agent is assigned, comes to visit the house while I'm out of town (we had no idea until she showed up at the door). Thankfully, no action was taken. But now we have this "black mark" on our record as parents for five years. I get why these agencies exist, and there are real problems out there. But to be caught up in these bureaucratic regimes is a total nightmare, as you're presumed to be a total douchebag until proven otherwise. It's terrifying.

falcolas 2y ago
It's the classical problem of how do you provide protection for someone with no power in a relationship against the person with all the power in a relationship. Do you believe the rape victim, or the rapist? The child or the parent? The physically/mentally disabled or their care givers? Sadly, there's been too many people in power who have proven themselves to be assholes to just trust the people with the power when they say they're not assholes.
scyzoryk_xyz 2y ago
Them coming unannounced is exactly how it should work. You’re not a customer in that situation - you are the suspect. There are real problems out there. In this case it was suspicious that you might be one of them. Your own child has a problem and you’re saying “we’ve had him evaluated” like they’re some malfunctioning animal. And then you’re calling his distress a “sob story”. Yikes! Obviously, I don’t know your real situation, but the way I understand it, presuming people are douchebags works when it comes to this social work stuff. Something strange happened and it would make sense that it would be recorded if other pathologies/patterns are detected later.
- racked 2y ago
  > And then you’re calling his distress a “sob story”. Yikes! Make no mistake: kids, and people in general, are manipulative creatures.
  - scyzoryk_xyz 2y ago
    True, hence my comment pertains more to perceptions and judgements than actual facts - I don’t know this person or their family. Just that the system is working as it should by treating every situation with a healthy degree of suspicion. After all - adults can be manipulative creatures too.
- BenjiWiebe 2y ago
  They're calling his sob story (about how angry his mother gets) a sob story, not calling his distress a sob story.
sillystuff 2y ago
The teacher is a 'mandatory reporter'. The teacher effectively lacks agency in deciding to report or not an issue that may be interpreted (by others evaluating the teacher's decision) as a potential sign of abuse. The teacher faces potentially severe consequences for not reporting if judged that they should have. And, faces zero consequences for over-zealous reporting. Medical staff are also mandatory reporters.

falcolas 2y ago

It's the classical problem of how do you provide protection for someone with no power in a relationship against the person with all the power in a relationship. Do you believe the rape victim, or the rapist? The child or the parent? The physically/mentally disabled or their care givers? Sadly, there's been too many people in power who have proven themselves to be assholes to just trust the people with the power when they say they're not assholes.

scyzoryk_xyz 2y ago

Them coming unannounced is exactly how it should work. You’re not a customer in that situation - you are the suspect. There are real problems out there. In this case it was suspicious that you might be one of them. Your own child has a problem and you’re saying “we’ve had him evaluated” like they’re some malfunctioning animal. And then you’re calling his distress a “sob story”. Yikes! Obviously, I don’t know your real situation, but the way I understand it, presuming people are douchebags works when it comes to this social work stuff. Something strange happened and it would make sense that it would be recorded if other pathologies/patterns are detected later.

racked 2y ago
> And then you’re calling his distress a “sob story”. Yikes! Make no mistake: kids, and people in general, are manipulative creatures.
- scyzoryk_xyz 2y ago
  True, hence my comment pertains more to perceptions and judgements than actual facts - I don’t know this person or their family. Just that the system is working as it should by treating every situation with a healthy degree of suspicion. After all - adults can be manipulative creatures too.
BenjiWiebe 2y ago
They're calling his sob story (about how angry his mother gets) a sob story, not calling his distress a sob story.

sillystuff 2y ago

The teacher is a 'mandatory reporter'. The teacher effectively lacks agency in deciding to report or not an issue that may be interpreted (by others evaluating the teacher's decision) as a potential sign of abuse. The teacher faces potentially severe consequences for not reporting if judged that they should have. And, faces zero consequences for over-zealous reporting. Medical staff are also mandatory reporters.